Am I too possesive?

Question

Ok, my best friend is a girl. We both like each other and this has been estabilished since march of last year. We hang out all the time. She can't date until she gets her liscense in december, but we are dating already in everything except the name. We hold hands, I kiss her on the cheek/neck/head(we decided not too actually kiss until after we are officially dating) she kisses me back, we flirt and all that. The problem is, she always brings up how we are not dating. I tell her I know, but that we practically are. She agrees to this and says that I am right, but she always brings it up. Second problem, she grind(she thinks its just "dancing") with other guys. I talked to her about this and she said I was over-possesive. I said I'm not, but I will learn to get over the grinding thing by prom. However, the conversation continued until I said that I go mad one time when she slow-danced with another guy. She said I was being stupid again, but I drew the line. Am I wrong to think this?

When I brought up that I didn't like her slow dancing she said that we aren't dating, and then I was just like we practically are, and all that described above.

So you think I am being too possessive because we are not actually dating yet, or its okay for a girl to slow dance with guys that aren't her boyfriend even after they start dating?

Texancali, she's definitely into me, and I'm not saying she doesn't dance with me, I'm asking if it's too much to ask for her to not slow-dance like you do during slow songs at homecoming with other guys.

Alright I will paint a little more of a picture. She is very naive for lack of a better word. She is extremely, and I mean that, book smart, but I have to tell her when guys are flirting with her and stuff. We have been best friends liking each other for a very long time, so we haven't rushed into the relationship at all. We are extremely open with each other. She tells me guys are cute all the time. Back in the summer, I would have taken offense, but I have gotten out of jealousy, which I am happy about. Anyway, at a particular dance we were at, for her birthday, she tried to dance with me, but I didn't want to hurt my chances with her parents so i didn't, I explained this too her later and she understood. But she danced with other guys, not full out grinding, and stuff, and not with the same guy over and over again, but she kind of drifted. It wasn't really that serious of grinding, and she is definitely not a slut. That doesn't really worry me as much as the slow dancing thing.

I know I don't own her, and I didn't tell her what to do, I just said it made me mad and she was kind of like why??? You know. Although I asked if I was too possessive, I really am not looking for an answer to that as much as what to tell her when she calls me later. When she asked me why I got mad it was just kind of a feeling I had, I couldn't really put it into words why she shouldn't do that. Thats really what I'm looking for.

Once again, don't even get on the path of us not liking each other, as semi-delusional as this sounds, I'm not just some 11 year old who thinks that we are going to be together forever, I just know that she likes me and she knows I like her, it's just a matter of whether or not I should put my foot down about the slow dancing thing.

Answer 1

If you keep acting this way you may have your first breakup with a girl before you have a chance to date her. Nothing chases a person away faster than posessiveness. You don't own her.Period

Answer 2

John step away from the table and take a deep breath.

Your girl is using her rites of passage -- the attainment of a driver's license as the official cristening of the relationship. She HAS said this on many occasions. Using this deadline gives her "license" to act in a way that you consider inappropriate, if you were officially dating.

You perceive relationships in a "substance versus form" framework -- That is, if dating-like activities take place -- then for all intents and purposes, you two are dating.

Your best friend, however, sees relationships in a "form versus substance" That is, she says that if we haven't gone on an "official" date -- then we aren't dating regardless of any activities that may otherwise take place.

It will be difficult to bridge this gap.

So, you could leave her, but your recognizer her worth.

You could obsess about the fact that your best friend has the upper hand, but you could also do a "Jedi Mind Trick" on her as well.

If she, herself, professes that no dating has taken place and thus all bets are off -- then you might want to get freaky with other women on the dance floor. Let me be clear, you should NOT be doing this as a get-even measure, but if she is giving you the liberty of not being commited to her, then why not enjoy dancing with other ladies in the room and if they allow, getting affectionate.

And if other ladies ask who your best friend is, say "She is just a good friend of mine!" This is not a lie -- it is a true and fair statement regarding the exact nature of the current relationship.

The best thing you can do in this situation is honor your best friend and enjoy the newfound freedom she has given you until she gets her license. You have to acknowledge that right now, you have the title "Friend With Benefits" NOT boyfriend. Read that TWICE please.

And when you are a "friend with benefits", you are available and open to meet and have fun with other ladies until your best friend deems that a bona fide relationship exists.

Do not force your best friend to change her view. Just play right along with her and see how fast she will think about flipping the script.

And by the way, "Do not be scared to ask other women to dance with you at parties!"

Answer 3

Yeah if she tells you that you guys are not dating then you are not, and really cant be possessive. Even if your were dating her and she is dancing w/ someone that is not bad. My boyfriend used to visit me at my job in a nightclub, he would dance w/ girls and that is fine.
You really need to draw your boundaries when she tells you that you are not dating. If you want a girlfriend find a girl who wants to date or accept that there is really no problem having a friend who you can kiss or flirt with, but Don't get jealous it makes you less desirable and will eventually make her want to push you away if you are telling her what she can/can't do

Answer 4

No you're not too possessive. You just like her a lot. No guy wants to see someone he likes all over another guy.

Answer 5

I wouldn't call it possessive, but she's sure painting a lovely picture of herself, if she dirty dances with other guys.

Answer 6

well no i dont think you are. but you may not be officially bf/gf but you are together, and she is using that to sample the other guys. i know it is dancing when it is that close sometimes it becomes something else. i may be wrong but this is what i think.

Answer 7

yes

Answer 8

maybe shes not into you...