temper tantrums!?

Question

My two and a half year old son throws fits. Usually I place him in time out and ignore him and he is fine in like 5-10 minutes. He has however had a few really bad one where he hits, pulls hair, and flails about, uncontrollable screaming. These last longer and time out doesn't work. When I put him in his room he runs into the door. When you look into his eyes its like the lights are on but no one is home. Is this normal?

Answer 1

He sounds very angry. Does he have reason to be? Any new changes in his life (move, new school, new sibling, family issues or stress)? Though he is young, children can pick up on family issues and stress. If there are any changes, give him a little more love and support.

Temper tantrums are caused by children who are not getting their needs met. If they are not throwing a tantrum because the are ill, hungry, or tired, they will throw a tantrum because it feels powerful, they get attention for it, they are testing limits, or they are simply feeling frustrated.

Avoid punishing or threatening. When he throws a tantrum, do the unexpected. Either walk away or move him to a quiet place (his room, the couch) and say “When you are ready to calm down then you can come back.” Say nothing more than that. This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he is ready to control himself. He could be getting even angrier because he feels you are trying to control him. You may have to return him to the designated spot before he gets the message. Keep it up!

Empathize with him when he has calmed down. “I can tell you were feeling very (mad, angry, upset, hurt, sad, frustrated). What can we do about that?” Do some problem solving and give him words to use. He will then learn to better express himself.

Help him to feel powerful by saying thing like “Look how fast you can run! You did that by yourself! You stacked every block! You used so many colors on you picture!” These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy).These phrases are great ways to help your son feel powerful, gain confidence, and show attention in a positive way.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. Pick you battles! You can say “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Good luck!

Answer 2

My son threw a tantrum like this once, and I openned up the back door (works best if you have a fenced back yard) and said, "If you are going to act like an animal, then I am going to treat you like an animal." I shut the door behind him and left him out there screaming, which did not last long. He did not know I was watching out the other window. When I walked away he seemed confused. He stopped, looked around, sniffled a little then knocked on the door. I went to the door and asked, "Can you act like a person now?" He came back in and never threw a tantrum again. My second child tried to throw a tantrum in a store once. I lifted him out of the cart and sat him in the middle of the floor. I told him, "You stay right there. A new family will be along to get you soon, because you are not going home with me acting like that," and I walked away. He to soon sniffled and came running. We were in a restaurant the other day and he started to act up, so I said, "Let us play a little game....Pick another family in the restaurant and we will imagine what life with them is going to be like for you." Not only did he straighten up, but we had a good time imagining what other people's lives are like. The key to managing children's behavior is to redirect them. Try to do it with humor as much as you can, and ignore behavior that is totally unacceptable. I never leave my children completely unattended when they are having a melt down, but I let them think they are unattended, so the survival side kicks in and breaks the cycle of nonsense they are experiencing momentarily. They learn at an early age to communicate their needs appropriately if they want to continue being a part of our family. It is more effective than spanking, because spanking takes a negative behavior and teaches another negative behavior, which in the end does not resolve anything. Walking away forces the child to make a choice, and the choice is, "I want to be a part of this family."

Answer 3

First off, you need to understand that children throw tantrums for one reason--to get attention. The way to deal with tantrums is to ignore them completely. Not putting him in time out and then ignoring him and not telling him "stop screaming" and then igoring him.

If he starts throwing a fit, ignore it completely. If you address the situation at all it's letting him win. He does it for attention and what is it when you say something to him or put him in time out--it's attention. Ignore it completely. Eventually, he will see that his fits get him nothing and he'll stop throwing them. When his little fit is over, say to him "I'm glad you're feeling better..now what did you want?"

Answer 4

I have a 2 1/2 year old too. She likes to try to have tamtrums. Most of the time it just takes for you to get down to his level and talk to him eye to eye and ask him what it is htat he wants or why he's crying. If you know the answer then still get down to his level and tell him whatever it is he can't have it or whatever and give him a hug and try to redirect him with something else. I always give my child a hug kiss or tickle them until them they forget what it was they were mad about. also make the other parent get involved

Answer 5

You need to work with him on understanding his emotions and expressing himself properly instead of isolating him.

What does he usually have tantrums over?

Talk to him about what he's feeling. NAME his emotions for him so he can learn to do the same. Validate his feelings.

"You look so frustrated!"
"I can see that you are very angry."
"You didn't like it when Joe took the block."
"You really want that toy. How about I put it down on your list for Santa/birthday wishes?" (And do it!)

Watch for tantrum triggers so you can intercede BEFORE it happens.

Make sure he is rested and well fed, as being hungry and tired can trigger tantrums for many children.

Answer 6

dont respond to it just ignor the tantrum. If you just ignor it soon he will stop because he knows it does nothing.

Answer 7

The best thing to do in this case is to firmly hold his arms down to his side and just keep telling him over and over that he needs to stop. You need to be consistant with him. Do this every time and when he sees you reaching for him he should stop.

Answer 8

WALK AWAY FROM HIM AND GO INTO ANOTHER ROOM!!