my friend is pretty and smart but has a b/f who hits her she always makes excuses for him why?? she calls me and told me that he hit her and i get mad that she wont leave so now she is mad at me damm why are people so so dumb and please dont say its love that isnt love i would just like some insight on this
2006-10-21 09:29:15 · 26 answers · asked by shasha 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your friend is probably covering up for her boyfriend because she wants to protect him and doesn't want to leave him. Her boyfriend is beating her because he knows he can. Your friend's willingness to stick around reveals to him that she has a low-self esteem and "needs" him. So, he sees that it doesn't matter how brutally he treats her; she'll always be weak enough to stay in the relationship. This may not seem like love to you, but, to your friend, it does. She has gotten twisted into what I call sick/abusive love. Because your friend is getting hurt, I'm sure you are hurt also because she is so infatuated with this guy that she can't see the truth, but you can. You're looking from the outside in with this issue and still have time to act. It's good that she has a caring friend like you. However, getting angry at her will only make things worse. Even if she protests against this, I suggest you call a hotline (such as Youth 24/7 Hotline: 1-888-247-7717, toll free and confidential). Take action and get help, because your friend can't seem to help herself. If you ignore the situation, you may never see your friend again.
2006-10-21 09:45:19 · answer #1 · answered by hippiekiss 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When there's violence, usually the hitter has got under the victims skin. They are so so sorry afterwards and can make the girl feel like a million dollars, also they make the victim feel as if they'l never have anything better. Which they maybe won't on a hitters good days. Sorry days, are so fantastic, it ALMOST makes up for the night before. Your friend needs to know that this is not normal, and that a stable relationship has happy moments all the time. Apparantely it takes 6 times before a victim will actually leave. There's a huge grasp there. This is very tricky as a friend. Another tactic is to listen, not make too much drama out of it, and just say, "O again, o dear, well I'm here if you need me", this might give her the kick she needs to realise she doesn't want to live like this. It worked for me. Good luck. Don't hesitate to email.
2006-10-21 16:34:49 · answer #2 · answered by flumoxed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right it isn't love it is dependence. You see what happens is someone who is abusive they have a low self esteam. and who ever they are with they will degrade that person until they have even lower self esteam then the them. then they will start to make that person think they are nothing without them. and she will start to believer it. Right now she herts and sometimes I am sure she wants to leave but she is so scard of what she will do, be... everything. And it is a really hard place to eb . YOu know you should leave but you are terrified of what will happen to your life. Just be there for her and when she calls you and tells you he is beating on her just ask her nice and calm" so what are you going to do about it" she may get mad tell her" I am not trying to make you mad just a question you need to think about" and everytimeit comes up just say the same thing and she will more then likiley leave at the end of it all. She really needs someone right now
2006-10-21 16:37:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend sounds really confused. Sometimes when some one
is in a situation like she is, there can be many reasons why. She
might have really low self estiem. Or for some reason thinks this
is all she deserves. He might have her feeling so bad about herself that she thinks she can't get anyone else. Usually if there
is physical abuse there is also mental. I know that you are very
frustrated, but if you really care about her. You need to hang in there and help her get out of this situation. You don't want her to be isolated, this will make it easier for him to mistreat her. Do everything you can to be with her as much as possible. Show her
love, caring and most of all support. Try to approach her about seeking counceling. Don't let this guy ruin your friendship. Good luck to you both. Hope this helps.
2006-10-21 16:43:25 · answer #4 · answered by REALISTIC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not love. Love does never hurt u like that. i think that ur friend has a problem with her personality and this is why she accepts being hit. And she might also have an obsession for her b/f. And maybe she doesn't want to leave him because she fears she might be alone... i don't know... there are plenty of possible reasons. U know, sometimes people are so strange that they like being hit... i'm sorry for ur friend . u should advice her going to a shrink.
2006-10-21 16:36:08 · answer #5 · answered by priscilla393 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Care to hear from someone who has been there? I was married to a man I loved (I really did love him at one time) and who would choke, slap, shove, push and emotionally abuse me. The marriage lasted two years. I tried to leave four times, each time going back because he said that he was sorry and would never do it again. The fourth time I left it stuck. We have been divorced for over ten years. His abuse was so powerful (most of the mental is much worse than the physical) that it took me five years before I would consider dating again. But I did love him. And because he knew that I loved him, he used that to tear down my self-esteem and feeling of self respect to a point that I never want to get to again. I am still single, and still have trouble trusting men. I would love to have a close and loving relationship with a man, but I don't think it is in the cards for me at this point of my life. Your friend is probably going through much the same feelings and problems that I, along with other women who are in this type of abusive relationship, had. She is not ignorant, she is in trouble. Don't get mad at her, support her, encourage her to leave, be there for her with compassion and love. Help her by re-establishing her the self-esteem she needs so very much right now.
2006-10-21 16:37:45 · answer #6 · answered by littleflower_57 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For some pipo, it's just a fear of breaking away from the abusive, but familiar environment into an unabusive but unfamiliar one. I don't know if that's the case with ur friend. It's definitely not love! I know it's frustrating, but short of kidnapping her from him or hiring someone to take him out- there's really nothing you can do if she doesn't want to leave.
2006-10-21 16:39:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is no more likely to come around to your way of thinking that you are to agree with her that that is normal behavior. because to her abuse is normal behavior.
Unfortunately, physical abuse is a two way street. She comes from an envronment where you show affection through physical abuse. Eiher her mother, or father (or good lord both) were physically abusive and this is just typical for her.
Life may show her that there are better and healthier ways to show affection. Unfortunately, odds are that she will herself, in turn, abuse her children the same way she was abused. This is the real tragedy.
2006-10-21 16:33:04 · answer #8 · answered by Michael F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people who stay in these relationships believe that they deserve that kind of treatment - if she leaves him she'll end up with someone just like him. I'd bet that she grew up watching her mom and dad go through he same thing and to her its just normal life. She needs a bunch of therapy to escape and until she is badly injured by a serious beating and the legal system intervenes she won't do anything about it. Save your breath.
2006-10-21 16:37:18 · answer #9 · answered by Norman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some people feel they deserve what they get and they dont believe they can do any better the best thing you can do is be a friend and be there when she needs you one day she will wake up and if you are there with her when it happens then you call the cops you might lose your friend for awhile but she will come to you in the future
2006-10-21 16:33:41 · answer #10 · answered by frank d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋