Why does he do this to me?

Question

I love this man. We have a son together. But he continues to cheat and lie. Yet, I continue to take him back. Why do men cheat? Why cant he just tell me that he doesnt want to be together? I have given him that option yet he says he does want me, what is going through men's heads when this is happening?

Answer 1

He seems to have a problem committing and is being selfish. If he honestly cared about your feelings he wouldn't hurt you since he see's that it hurts you. Cheating happens for many reasons but you have to protect yourself so that you can be ready for a love that you deserve. Plus since you have a child you didn't want him to grow up seeing you suffer this way or learn that it's ok to treat women that way. Your feelings matter so please take care of you and remember you deserve to be happy. It's hard though and breaking the cycle is one of the hardest one to break because you're so used to it. I hope it all works out.

Answer 2

I hate to be so harsh, but it's because you let him.

I'm in a very similar situation (minus the child). The more you take him back, the more you'll get taken advantage of. It's like the saying, "once a cheat, always a cheat". I don't think that's necessarily true. I'm willing to give a 2nd chance if it's something that I think in time, I can forgive and forget.

But if it happens more than once, he's telling you something.

Be strong and walk away. Whatever you do though, don't put your child in the middle. That will only create more problems.

Tell him you are not a doormat and you want a boyfriend/husband that is there for you like you are for him. You're not going to accept this behavior any longer and that he needs to re-evaluate what he wants and make a decision. You ought to do the same.

Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't respect you? Want someone who walks all over you and your feelings?

Answer 3

Men in general don't cheat… just the men you like! Let's be honest about that one first!

With thousands of nice guys floating around, even in the little spot you live in, you find the composite loser in the haystack! And with that, all your soccer mom dreams in the suburbs went up in smoke.

I'm sorry you don't get to be a soccer mom… for which the rest of us are grateful. And the nice guys you come across in the future will not tolerate placating for another loser. Nice guys hate playing third fiddle! Remember that!

Here's what you do to get back on the right track: 1) Let the loser go completely and totally. 2) Pack up all your stuff and move to a big city (NY, Chi-Town, ATL). 3) Don't date until your child is 18, under any circumstances. 4) When you do meet the man of your dreams, all the loser garbage will be out of your system, and you can focus all your attention on the nice guy you meet from across the bar. Remember the advice mom gave to you years ago… don't talk to LOSERS!

Wish you luck in about 10 years or so!

Answer 4

I always say, pay attention to the actions and not to the words.

I don't think that you need to be with a man who cheats OR lies. Why would you put up with that? Maybe you are together because he doesn't want to pay child support (which you will get if you are not together).

This man is not a good role model for your child. Since it doesn't sound like you are married, I would think you might be inclined to move on. There are men out there who don't cheat and who are honest.

A man who says one thing and does quite another is not a good man. He is a child going after everything he can to have his own way. You do not need to raise two children.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to say men like this rarely change. If I were in your shoes I'd quit taking him back but that is easier said then done and I do understand that. I'd say find someone who treated you the way you deserve. If you are taking him back just because your afraid to be alone raising a kid I understand and will tell you that it is hard but can be done. My daughter's father was just like that it took a couple years before I quit forgiving. I'm not going to lie there are times when I feel it would have been easier if we were together but I would be miserable and tired of all the I'm sorry it'll never happen again and then it does.

Answer 6

Can't say this is the case for him, but a lot of guys cheat because it gives them an ego boost, who doesn't like it when someone else finds them attractive? It might be that he does love you, but he's got to start putting your relationship first, start looking for what he needs with you instead of taking the easier way out. I just read a book that helped me understand things like this, called "Surrendering to Marriage" (helpful for anyone that's in a long term relationship, married or not), you might want to give it a read and see if anything in it can shed more light on your situation, it has a lot of stories about cheating, etc and how people overcame it to make the relationship work.

Answer 7

Cheating on you should let you know he doesn't want to be with you!A boy feels like a MAN when they have there cake and ice cream too.You shouldn't stay with him just cuz yall have a son together,you only get one life to live is he making you happy?That's the question.He's a dog and he's not going to stop.Goood luck girl I wish girls would start standing on there own two feet and send guys a message,We can do it tooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

I have a close relative who had done the same thing in the past to his wife... Now, they are divorced but when I asked him why he was doing this to her he said to me that it was all because of his daughter. He told me that she deserves a proper family, her mother and father together on Sundays and on school meetings and things like that. After her daughter grew up to her 15, they got divorced. And now both of them are happy.
I think I know what is going through his head... He wants all the best for his son. Yup... It is all because of his son.

Answer 9

honey, one song which i remember has the words, "aint nobody gonna love you like you are if you take whatever he brings your way"...this man is not worthy of your love. he does not love you, at least not enough to constitute what the rest of the world understands as LOVE. one of the most BASIC things in a relationship is trust and honesty. If your trust has been broken it brings in other negative side effects such as, suspicion, resentment, frustration, emotional torture, you know the score honey. you know it. You posed this question because the answer is right there smack in the middle of your mind, but you don't trust your judgement for probably a few reasons, or, the love your feel for him, and your son, makes you WANT to make things work. Unfortunately, you wanting things to work is not enough, he's gotta want the same, and moreover, he's gotta put in REAL effort, to keep things real.
Firstly, you need to listen to your inner voice telling you THINGS AINT RIGHT - its not what we see in the media, and never mind the media, its not right because you're sad and hurt and confused because he's giving you mixed messages and despite what everyone else says (like, LEAVE HIS SORRY ***) you feel you'd like to give it your all, just for your son, just for the sake of your relationship, just for the sake of not being lonely, perhaps you even feel you can't do better than him??
Truth is, you're not doing yourself any favours staying with someone who makes empty promises, who betrays your trust, who hurts your continously, who doesnt care enough about his son to try to make things work with his momma. This person sounds like he's either deeply insecure (perhaps you earn more than him or are more intelligent, so he needs to "rebalance" things by cheating to see if he still has "pulling power"...?)
You know the score. The answer lies with you. I think if you had to ask this here, you've confronted yourself with for a long time now. The clock is ticking, your life is going by, and you say he betrays your trust continuously, if you continue allowing him to use you as a doormat, why would he need to grow, why would he need to change if you accept him as he is. It is a sad thing to consider but the only rupture in his vicious cycle of hurt is for you to ACT, because he's not acting in a positive way, you need to halt things as they are and leave, and allow yourself a chance at happiness and life and love again. My sister's first husband was like the guy you describe and let me tell you, to this very day, he's still the same. she's long since left him...and from what i understand by having seen similar sort of relationship breakdowns in my life experience, these people are repeat offenders, they don't rehabilitate, they simply run out of steam.

Answer 10

you know that saying a hard dick his no conscience or maybe he wants or needs something that you are not giving him in bedroom if you dont give it to him someone will maybe he is trying to tell you something and you are not picking up on the clues why dont you sit down with him no fighting no argueing no getting mad no screaming and no placeing blame and ask him what he is getting from these woman that you dont do for him and be very honest about it and try doing some of those things if he tells you and i bet he will stop cheating if you comply