He/she has said that they have an opportunity to live somewhere else like housing, but have not left. You also suspect they are stealing you household items....little things like towels, big things like medications. (Even though you can't prove it). What is an elegantly way to have them leave?
2006-10-21 07:44:38 · 27 answers · asked by KATHLEEN C 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I entered information that was not clear enough...This person is a friend of my fiance and he wants to help her...She is not here all the time...She shows paperwork that she is doing things and I just want an appropiate way when the time comes to be able to say it is time to find somewhere else to stay...the meds can be replaced...so can the towels...she gets foodstamps and some financial aid. And medical I think...She hangs out more with my old man than I do so I guess I am a little jealous. but that is not my worry.. I just want to know that I have the correct words to say when its time. Not get out and good riddens.
2006-10-21 08:08:44 · update #1
There is no " elegant" way to do it. No matter what you say or do, the person that you want to leave is still going to feel bad, they may even get mad at you. You just have to tell them to leave. And do it ASAP before you lose your sanity. I have been in similar situations.
2006-10-21 07:47:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
As others have said, you have to set a date and tell her she has to leave. You didn't say how long she has been there, but you did say she could live somewhere else. I think you both have helped her enough. She is only taking advantage of your kindness. She will never go as long as you let her stay. And it isn't helping her one bit. If she has food stamps and financial aid, she could get some place to live, even if it is just a room.
If she is stealing from you, she is no friend, and I sure wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings. Lock up your meds, tell her she has 48 hours to find a place and then if she doesn't leave, get the law involved. Why should you put up with this?
2006-10-21 10:16:28 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there and done that.
I kept asking her to leave and she just felt right at home in my home. She kept saying she was looking at options and I knew she wasn't. So, when she was out one day, I called a locksmith and had the locks changed. When she got back, she found her belongings outside. I was firm and steadfast. It was hard because it was totally out of character for me. But she had gone way past the point of being the appreciative lost soul I tried to help.
And I am a slow learner. I did it again with another person. This time, I made house rules that were to be followed to the letter. They felt my rules cramped their style and they left on their own.
What were the rules?
* Hair must be kept trimmed and neat
* Pants must be worn with the wasitband around the waist.
* A calendar was designed to alternate days of cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry, mowing the grass, washing my car. There were two of them so every 3rd day, it was my "turn" to do the daily chores. They felt it was unfair that I only had to do my household chores every third day and wanted to be considered "one" because they were a couple. Nothing doing. One person, one day on the chore calendar.
* No sleeping on the couch!
* House temperature is set at 80 in the summer and 70 in the winter. The utility bill will disclose if this rule was broken behind my back - and the difference in the bill was their responsibility to pay.
* No inviting people over that I do not personally know.
* No pets! I had my own pets and didn't want other animals possibly threatening mine.
* No loud music! My rendition of "loud" meant audible in any room other than where the music was being listened to.
* No incoming phone calls after 9pm.
It's YOUR house. YOU make the rules and you don't have to explain them.
2006-10-21 11:46:27 · answer #3 · answered by north79004487 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, for one thing Dear Heart, you don't have a house guest....you have a roommate!
As the others have said, there is no elegant way....but there is a polite way. You can tell her that your letting her live there with you, free of charge, isn't helping her. It isn't showing her how to be a responsible, contributing adult. So, you've decided the only way to really "help" her is for her to start paying half the rent, half the utilities, half of all the expenses. That it's really the only way you will feel as though you're really helping her. Also tell her she has a time limit to acquire a job and start paying her way...like 24 hours. I can almost guarantee you she will be gone by morning.
If not, then forget "polite" and tell her to leave, that she obviously doesn't want your help and you can't afford to support an adult child.
Good Luck!
2006-10-21 09:15:47 · answer #4 · answered by Rembrandt11 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had the same thing happen to me. I took in two local teens - they told me that they'd started new jobs and just needed to get back on their feet.
Well, it's hard to get back on your feet while sleeping all day long. There were no jobs, at least not ones that didn't involve criminal activity.
When you help someone, then you gotta make sure you're not doing so much that they don't do everything that they can be doing. I'm guessing that they aren't doing as much for themselves since you're doing it for them, even providing maid service!
So, you set new rules, and a date that this relationship will end (2 more months? 1 more month?). Be prepared for the rules to be broken, and the relationship to end sooner than you stated.
Remember, if you keep enabling them, they can't get better.
2006-10-21 07:55:14 · answer #5 · answered by geek49203 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell that freeloader to hit the bricks and your fiance to quit being such a sucker. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to give them a good swift boot in the *** in the right direction and freeloading at your pad ain't it.
Or better yet tell her if she wishes to stay she has to help pay a share of the bills. She'll take off like a jackrabbit with his *** on fire.
Consider this a learning experience.
2006-10-21 08:50:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the sake of your peace of mind and your future marriage, you and your fiance need to set a deadline for your guest to get her own place or find a new place to crash. And then you need to firmly stick to it.
You two need to present a united front. Tell her your glad you've been able to help her out so far but you two need your space and privacy back and she has until x date to find a new place. On x date help her pack and wish her godspeed.
No needy house guest should be hanging around your house while you are out working. Her 9-5 needs to be finding a job and place to live. So when you get up to go to work in the morning she needs to get up and get to searching. Above all you need to clear and firm that the free ride is coming to and end.
2006-10-21 08:37:10 · answer #7 · answered by aibnyc 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG!! i just went through this 3 weeks ago had 6 houseguests, and they had no place to go....lying about places to go, jobs to get,and they were still here.So everyday I started asking "did u find a place yet?" did u get a job yet?" So i started searching for shelters and gave them every number i found. Eventually they got the hint and left. If that didn't work then i was tell them my landlord found out they were here and they had to go. So good luck i know how u feel 100%.
2006-10-21 07:58:53 · answer #8 · answered by smooth sailing34 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They aren't guests anymore, they're room mates. Ask them to start paying for half the rent and utilities and that might make them leave and find someone else to freeload on.
2016-05-22 08:00:21 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think this would be up to your husband to ask her to leave since he's the one that is letting her stay. Ask your mom or another relative to call up and say they are comming to visit in a week. That way the guest will have to leave to make room for the people comming to visit!
2006-10-21 15:08:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋