when do you explain what man and woman do together?

Question

My daughter is 10 and already knows 'where babies come from' but soon she will have to know everything(you know when teenagers start having sex and on't even know that they have boyfriends and girlfriends).When my daughter was three she sometimes saw me and my husband having sex and said "Mommy and daddy play hobby-horse" and we all laughted.Now I want to tell her more so she would be ready with information when having a boyfriend.How to begin?

Answer 1

When the kid starts asking questions, that's usually a good sign. Tell them the truth. Most kids first reaction is that "That's gross!" But, they get over it, and by the time they're about 11, watch out!

Answer 2

Yeah, my 5 year old cousin saw 2 cows mating and said : "Look! That cow's giving the other one a piggy back ride!"

Nowadays, people don't wait and give one "sex talk" to their kids. It is good to speak casually about it whenever they ask a question. Talk about it matter-of-factly, and answer what they ask.

My father bought me a book about the female body/reproduction written for adults when I was 10, which I completely wore out over the years. My parents both answered whatever I asked as well.

I would start by talking about menstruation if you haven't already. There is no proper way of starting. Use a simple question she asks you as a platform to branch off into a few other subjects, or even ask her a few questions.

The goal is to talk freely about it because once the myths get to your daughter's ears in school, she will be very confused. She needs to hear all of it from the right source. Good luck!

Answer 3

Many people worry kids are too young. My wife got the talk at like 7 and I got mine at about 9 or ten. Actually, it wasn't one big talk, it was a series of smaller talks spaced over time. I read a lot too.

All this advice about "donj't give her more than she's ready for' is a recipe to having a pregnant teenager. Explain everything in a mature manner; don't make sex seem dirty or wrong, but explain there are serious consequences (STDs, pregnancy). And don't just stop at intercourse, explain everything, including oral sex, dry humping, ect.

If you are too shy to discuss this stuff with your daughter, then buy some of the books they make on the subject. the local library or bookstore probably has dozens of books on it.

Some people get offended by the idea of talking to kids in detail about sex, but when that would be gigilo down the street (who you thought was such a nice young man) tries to talk your daughter into sex by telling her BS like "I'll pull out, you won't get pregnant" you'll wish you had explained the truth to her.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I had to have the "talk" when my boyfriend caught my 8 yr old daughter watching pornos. I thought I set the parental control, but I didn't and she would stay up and watch Cinemax late after I fell asleep. I beat her butt, and her father came and beat her butt (not so much for what she was watching, but for sneaking because she knew she was doing something wrong) but I had the responsibility of talking to her about what she saw, why she was watching it, and allowed her to ask whatever questions she had. I would rather it come from me, than from one of her friends or something. Sex is on TV all day, subly and sometimes overt. But kids are exposed to more now that we were when we were growing up. Hell when I was growing up, TV would turn off about 11pm and a public annoucement would come on and say.....it's 11o'clock...do you know where your children are? EVERY NIGHT!!! Society is different, and I was freaked out to have to have had to talk so candidly about sex with my 8 yr old, I felt better knowing that the lines of communication were opened and hoped that as she gets older it will be easier to discuss for us both. I would rather that she were informed, than for to be as confused as some of these girls that ask questions on this site.

If she has already seen something, pandora's box is open and she will put it together on her own one day anyway. It is best for you to explain about love, relationships, and the resposibility of it all, so that she doesnt get a perverted perspective. My main concern was letter her know that she wasn't dirty and tainted. That is how predators prey on kids. It isn';t force, it is fear. They make them think they are dirty, and if anyone finds out they will be ridiculed. I want my daughter to know it isn't dirty, she isn't BAD, she was wrong for being SNEAKY and doing something she know she wasn't righht, moreso than what she saw was "bad". Sex is natural, and supposed to be shared between married people....or at LEAST people that really love and respect one another.

Answer 5

I suggest keeping open lines of communication, but try not to give her more than she is ready for. It is a crazy mistake by some. You will know when she needs to know. Just like the little boy who asked where he was from. His dad went into the whole sex thing and then the little boy said he just wanted to know what city or state he was from. So.........

Answer 6

My son is four and we have had every talk he asks about. I'd rather explain it to him so he understand than I would have him have a baby at 13!! We had the drugs, alcohol, girlfriend, and appropriate things to say and do talks. If she is asking tell her. But make sure she understands. If you explain it negatively she may do it just to see. Pick your words carefully and be open to her questions.

Answer 7

Many parents plan for – maybe dread – "the talk" with their children about sex. But the best way to help them resist pressure to be physically intimate too early may be by talking about it – far more than once – and by being prepared to answer questions throughout childhood.

"Studies show that children who learn about sex from friends rather than parents are more likely to have sex before marriage, at a young age and to have more than one sexual partner before marriage," says Camille Graham, MD, pediatrician with Mid City Pediatrics in Roselawn. "A lot of parents feel they somehow prevent their children from having sex by not discussing it. But all the evidence points to the opposite effect."

Say it Straight: Using Correct Terminology
She advises parents to use correct terminology and information, even when children are young, and to keep doing so as they grow. Children as young as 4 or 5 start asking where babies come from, Dr. Graham notes. "The appropriate response," she says, "is that the baby is formed inside the mother's womb or uterus and after about nine months, it comes out through the vagina. It's not to say the stork brought the baby or it was found in the cabbage patch."

She also urges parents to be "very honest about things like masturbation. Explain that it may be pleasurable but you don't do it in public. The main thing is to answer questions honestly."



How Soon to Start Explaining Sex to Kids?
Children are likely to be exposed to sexual talk or situations on the playground or TV far earlier than children a generation or two ago, Dr. Graham notes. And onset of puberty for girls seems to be occurring earlier. That makes it even more important for parents to ensure their children get good information early.

"If a child has not raised the subject by age 8 or 9, the parent should start a discussion," Dr. Graham advises. "Some children are starting puberty at age 7-1/2 or 8, and it's silly to think other children don't notice. If your own child is developing earlier, start the discussion earlier. Ideally you should talk with your child about puberty and body changes before they actually happen."

While she holds parents responsible to monitor what children watch on TV or movies, children can see things that need explaining – despite parental vigilance. When that happens, it's best if the parent is there, too, to calmly address questions – whether they're asked or not.

How Much to Say?
"Certainly before teen years, both boys and girls should understand the basics of genital systems, both male and female, the meaning of puberty, the function of the menstrual cycle, what sexual intercourse is and how women become pregnant," Dr. Graham says. Parents can get into more details as they see their children paying more attention to the opposite sex, she says, such as telling them: 'Don't let a guy touch you (or don't touch a girl) in certain places.'"

She cautions against picking a single time to have "the talk." Once your child is 8, expect to revisit "the talk" about once a year to see what questions or, possible misinformation, a child has picked up along the way. Building and maintaining a child's self-esteem are crucial to helping your child resist peer pressure – whether it's to have sex, drink, smoke or use drugs.

Importance of Limits
She also emphasizes that children need limits. "If the parent never says, 'My expectation is that you remain a virgin until you're married,' the child may feel it's OK to have sex."

"It's basic parenting skills," Dr. Graham says. "If you never set a curfew with your children, they may feel they have no limits here, so they have no limits in the sexual area also."

Limits on dating are highly individual, Dr. Graham says, adding that 16 is a common age to allow one-on-one dates, while dates involving groups of friends or adult chaperones could start sooner.

"Children should understand the long-term consequences of their actions before they begin one-on-one dating, and that usually doesn't happen until around 16 or 17," she says. "If your child makes bad decisions about a lot of things, you can probably assume you'll see bad decisions on a date, too. So you really have to tailor limits to the child."

Answer 8

i am concerned that your question suggests that you will be encouraging your daughter to have sex with her boyfriend(s). the advice that i have seen usually says to wait until the child has questions and then only give them answers to those questions. if situations arise, you can talk to her. good luck.

Answer 9

my advice is to tell her when she starts her period...just explain to her why she is getting her period (because her body is preparing her to have babies when she is older [and married, if u want to add that in somewhere lol] something along those lines) and then tell her u know that she knows where babies come from, but u need to explain how they got there...
i hope this helps, good luck!!

Answer 10

um a lot of kids find out on their own. wait until she is like 13 and if she doesnt know about it yet tell her