Ok my ex broke up with me over a 1 1/2 years ago because he had to move back home. After the breakup he was very cool with me, and i didn't understand because he was the one to end it. After about 6 months he started calling me again. He only seems to call me when he's really upset about something (his grandad died, his dad was working on becoming an alcoholic, etc) Then after we were talking again on a regular basis he stopped answering the phone or returning messages, nothing for about another year until now. He has been calling me almost every other day, he sends me emails and messages almost daily. I just can't figure him out. He has brought out the "I still Love you" card twice now, but he isn't willing to put any effort into possibly getting back together. I talk with his sister regularly and she says he has gone back to the way he was before he met me. He just stays in his room and goes to work. I just want an opinion here. Is he trying to get back with me or is he just looking
2006-10-21 06:16:03 · 11 answers · asked by Beeper 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
or is he just looking for a shoulder to lean on?
2006-10-21 06:16:23 · update #1
In my opinion; He definitely feels connected to you in a loving way. Because of the amount of time between now and when you broke up (18 months), it appears that he's a co-dependant type of guy.
Based on your story; it appears that your guy is not feeling very good about himself right now and really needs someone to talk to. He comes to you at times of distress because he genuinely trust you and feels safe when he shares things with you, which means that he still loves you. It also appears that he's having some serious confidence issues and since you seem like a nice person and still talk to him, he's going to keep talking to you until he gets enough confidence to make an effort to get you back or move on. Unfortunately for you, this seems like it's bogging you down emotionally.
It's obvious that this dude has some things going on that have nothing to do with you. If he genuinely wants to get back with you, he'll have to step up and be honest about his actions and take your feelings into consideration.
I wouldn't put any more effort into this one. You would be doing both of you a favor if you just cut him off. This way you could move on and he'll realize that he needs to get his act together before he can be in a healthy relationship.
Good luck
2006-10-21 06:30:43 · answer #1 · answered by Altruist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is using u for his emotional needs he seems like a very selfish immature person...one who just knows to take but can't give.
In love or any relation for that matter it's based on give and take only one person can't keep on giving after all u too need something in return and not monetarily but emotionally we being humans need love and support so one just giving everything isn't possible.
I'd say just plain ignore this person and move on with ur life if he doesn't stop talk to him openly bout ur moving ahead in ur life and that he is no way in the present scene where ur lifes concerned ask him to move on too so that way he wud not have to cling onto u.
Till u b firm and confident he'll b a problem for u and it's no good living with problems u need to resolve problesm to move ahead smoothly in ur life so just stand firm on ur feet with ur head high and don't let anyone take advantage of ur goodness.
His "I Still Love You " sounds so selfish and phoney I'd say hez too selfish person one who has been just looking for his own needs...think if he really did love u then why in the first place did he need to take such long vacations based on yearly terms now no ones likes to get and give that much space in any relationship if u think properly u'll also realise that u didn't want 1 1/2 yrs break on level one and after a few more days he gets back again just to disappear for a year more so in all hez just wasted ur 3- 3/12 yrs of life in aniticipation of his " I ST-ILL( it's ill love so i just framed it this way ) LOVE YOU " PHASE lol thats explanatory in itself.
SINCE U CALL HIM UR EX LET HIM BE UR EX ON PERMANENT BASIS ONLY FOR UR OWN GOOD.
2006-10-21 07:22:50 · answer #2 · answered by kittana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
innocuous dancing or excellent out does no longer get responses like "Wow, i might want to by no skill forget that evening". Nope, he's dishonest. that's a perplexing mission, because contained in the internet age that's really uncomplicated to make up new e mail money owed and id's and shop this going. you would have a have self belief mission for a lengthy time period, and when you consider that he gained't come sparkling about each and every thing, that's no longer going away each and every time quickly. My suggestion: enable him understand what you stated, and don't be placed on the protecting...he extremely might want to allow you to open get authentic of entry to to his pc and emails as an illustration of finished openness and have self belief.
2016-10-16 05:51:06 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's also important to consider your own situation.
do you have affection for him, enough to warrant trying again?
do you have space for him in your life, if he was willing to commit to a relationship?
is he able to contribute emotionally and financially?
perhaps the best thing you can do is the "tough love" thing.
keep kicking his butt, as it were, to snap out of his depression and make an effort in life. keep reminding him that you are his friend and you want to see him getting on with his life. he found you, didn't he, so why can't he make the effort to find someone else?
set a time limit, for example six months, then permanently break off all contact.
make an effort as a friend, then move on. you're not his nurse, and you shouldn't have to carry him emotionally.
2006-10-21 06:36:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may at times feel like he wants to get back together, but obviously not seriously so don't give it too much thought or concern yourself too much with it. He probably is looking for a shoulder to cry on a bit and that's it.
2006-10-21 06:19:40 · answer #5 · answered by Triathlete88 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shoulder to lean on. You're a steady rock he can always return to. Let him know that you will only be friends though. If you return to dating him, he will most likely leave you when he doesn't need you. It's not that he want's to hurt you, it's just that he's in need of something else.
2006-10-21 06:19:04 · answer #6 · answered by catch22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he would call you in his times of need because he felt comfortable talking to you. Then he found himself talking to you to much so he had to back away. Now he says that he still loves you because he will always love you. I really don't think that he is looking to get back together, he just likes to talk to you because he is comfortable with you and trusts you.
2006-10-21 06:22:35 · answer #7 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, from what you said, he still has feelings towards you. he feels he can trust you with callin you with problems. he probably does want another chance but has something holding him back. probably because the same reason he ended it in the first place. if you still have feelings towards him, tell him and ask him if he has the same towards you. then take it from there.
2006-10-21 06:20:09 · answer #8 · answered by cr4is2py0 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think hes using you because he doesn't know what he wants and you're always available to fill that niche. tell him you like him as a person but you cant talk to him anymore until he decides what he wants from you.
2006-10-22 16:12:28 · answer #9 · answered by Kristin C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Possible he is looking for both and is just really confused at present.
2006-10-21 06:19:39 · answer #10 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋