Anyone know some good jokes here? My husband's away I'm feeling depressed and under the weather...
2006-10-21 05:59:42 · 12 answers · asked by Mom_of_two 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A couple was dressed and ready to go out
for the evening. They turned on a night light,
turned on the phone answering machine,
covered their pet parakeet and put the cat
in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and
requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the
couple opened the front door to leave their
house. The cat they had put out into the yard
scoots back into the house.
They don't want the cat shut in the house
because she always tries to eat the bird.
The wife goes out to the taxi while the
husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat
runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the
driver to know the house will be empty for the
night. She explains to the driver that her
husband will be out soon. "He's just going
upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into
the cab."Sorry I took so long," he says as they
drive away. "She was hiding under the
bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to
get her to come out! She tried to take off so I
grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap
her in a blanket to keep her from scratching
me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ***
downstairs and threw her out into the back
yard!"
The cabdriver hit a parked car.
2006-10-21 06:44:06 · answer #1 · answered by snowdrop 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A rabbi (i dont think i spelled that right) and a preist(dont think i spelled that right either) were at a gathering. The priest, trying to poke a little fun at the rabbi, points over to the buffet and says " Hey, lets go over there and grab some pork chops.and maybe a swig o' milk to help it go down!!" the rabbi , a very smart man says back "Ill eat that at your wedding"
thats a really old joke and i dont think i told it right so here is another one(also very stupid)
There was once a old widow. She was watching tv one night when the phone rang. "Hello?", she asked." im the Viper ill be up soon." then the line went dead.she thought to herself "STUPID KIDS" and then went on watching tv. an hour later the phone rang again. she answered. "this is the viper just a few more hours". a little flustered she decided it was time to make herself dinner. as she was doing just that the phone rand again. very reluctantly she answered. It was the same eirie voice as she had gotten before,"this is the viper just about two more hours....."
She then called the telephone operator and complained." if he calls again call the police" said the operator.
about half and hor later the phone rang,"hello" she said" this is the viper only a little while now" she then called the police they they would be there as quik as they could . about twenty minuets later she heard a knock at her door relieved because she thought she would have the company of a nice police man she ran to the door. she opened it to see a little bald mand with spray bottles and rags hanging all over his bely. thelittle man opened his tiny mouth and said,"Im the vindow viper. ive come to vipe your vindows."
hope this helps
2006-10-21 06:45:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two muffins were baking in an oven. One turns to the other and says "wow, it sure is hot in here!" The other muffin looks at him and says "holy crap! A talking muffin!!!" It's a groaner, i know. Feel better lady!
2006-10-21 14:37:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the woods.
The bear looks down at the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with poo sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit replied, "No, not at all."
So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.
2006-10-21 16:32:37 · answer #4 · answered by dirftwood22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning in Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines."
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!"
"Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them!" she replied. The third nun fainted.
2006-10-21 06:05:21 · answer #5 · answered by Pinky 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A grassshopper goes into a bar and asks for a drink...the bartender says to him.."we've got a drink named after you" and the grasshopper replies, "really, youv'e got a drink called KEVIN"
2006-10-21 06:06:43 · answer #6 · answered by colinhughes333 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Think about this old chinese plovib for a while maam..."woman who cook meat and peas in same pot - not hygienic..
2006-10-21 11:42:36 · answer #7 · answered by Featherman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.....I can understand your situation.....Why don't you go to some good Jokes site instead of hanging in this section !!!! All the Best !!!!
2006-10-21 06:36:12 · answer #8 · answered by Tickler 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Horse goes into a bar and says. Can I have a pint of beer please. The bar man says why the long face
2006-10-21 07:05:34 · answer #9 · answered by Douglas H 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Aww that's too bad your feeling gloomy...
Here listen to this it will chear you up:
http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html
2006-10-21 06:19:05 · answer #10 · answered by i_am_the_master_snpkid 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋