I had a miscarriage yesterday. I was only two months pregnant at the time and hadn't even realise I was pregnant until I went to the doctor with severe stomach cramps and heavy vaginal bleeding.
Now I feel as though I killed my baby because I was still taking contraceptive pills.
People tell me that it wasn't my fault as there was no way I could have known seeing as I hadn't missed a period.
As helpful as the people close to me are trying to be I really need to hear from people who have had a miscarriage who can be honest with me without feeling as though they may upset me.
Anyone who can help I really would appreciate it.
2006-10-21 05:35:43 · 15 answers · asked by Hannah 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I understand the guilt. In 1977 my second child was seven months old and still breastfeeding when I got pregnant. The flavor of my milk changed so my baby quit nursing (some babies don't care). I was confused at first then upset. I didn't want another baby so soon and I wasn't ready to stop nursing. I felt out of control of my life. Just as I got used to the idea and began to get excited, I miscarried.
I felt like I'd wished my baby dead!
I knew that was foolish but I still felt that way. We had told our 4 year old son we were expecting another child and now had to explain about the miscarriage. My husband told him "sometimes this happens. When we are ready we'll have another baby" Jimmy said "but it won't have this baby's face" Talk about a heartbreak. My son cried with me.
What helped me deal with the miscarriage was writing down everything in a journal format. How I felt, what the doctor said, how my son reacted, etc.. then I put it in an envelope and tucked it away. It was almost like wrapping the baby in a blanket and putting him in his crib. It was closure of some sort. Being told it wasn't my fault didn't help.
The most amazing thing was how many women came out of the woodwork to tell me their miscarriage stories. It is so much more common than I thought. One lady had five miscarriages and then found out through iridology that she had parasites in her ovaries, went on a major cleansing diet, and later had twins.
A few months later I got pregnant with my daughter and was so worried I would lose her too since "I failed at pregnancy". She was a healthy 9# 8 oz. girl.
Some say that miscarriages are nature's way of keeping our species strong, something was wrong with the fetus, but a lot of handicapped people do get born so that's not the full answer. I do know that time will help and there is much to be thankful for. In my case my soft hearted firstborn grew up to be a father of 4 who coaches his children in sports. The 2nd son is successful at anything he attempts, and my daughter, (who would not have been conceived if I hadn't miscarried) is one of my best friends and has had two miscarriages herself, also a healthy son, and is expecting her own daughter in November.
I don't think you ever exactly get over a loss but it will take its appropriate place among all the other events of your life.
Take Care
2006-10-21 06:37:45 · answer #1 · answered by Californiamama 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I want to start off by saying you taking birth control pills is not why the baby miscarried. Many girls are not aware of their pregnancy and continue taking the birth control pill for months into their pregnancy and have a healthy baby in the end. Every 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage surprisingly enough because of chromosomal abnormality. That means either the sperm or the egg was not completely normal and would have resulted in a unhealthy baby. I had a miscarriage 6 months ago when I was three months along. To answer your question, you never get over a miscarriage, but you do at some point move on with your life and realize that it was just not meant to be for some reason or another. Do not feel guilty because there is nothing you could have done differently to save that baby. It was just God's will. It's ok to grieve the loss but please dont feel guilty! Good luck.
2006-10-21 05:56:21 · answer #2 · answered by annej 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Its not your fault , conception is still possible even though u take the pill , u werent to know and it was not ur fault u miscarried because u kept taking the pill , that wouldn`t have caused miscarriage , i know 2 women who didnt know they were pregnant til weeks 32 & 36 , it happens . Unfortunately your baby didn`t quite make it , they say its natures way of letting u know something wasn`t right with the pregnancy . As for getting over it , its a bereavement and everyone deals with loss differently , its a personal thing , just try to accept help when necessary etc as other people don`t know how to deal with you as they don`t know how ur feeling .
I miscarried nearly 14 years ago and i was devastated as it took us over a year to get pregnant , however i went on to have another 3 healthy babies after that but i will never forget my angel baby i miscarried on xmas day 1992 ..
All the best xx
2006-10-21 05:57:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi there i had a miscarriage in March last year i was 15weeks pregnant and i kept the whole pregnancy a secret and i felt it was my fault because i kept it a secret. I then developed a problem where i didn't miscarry properly and was admitted to hospital twice in April and may, But in June i fell pregnant and at 14weeks i found out i was carrying twins, there now 7months old and really healthy. Don't blame yourself for your loss. Horrible things happen in life But sometimes good things come out off the bad. I think about the baby i lost everyday. Your probably feeling empty right now, but whatever you do don't blame yourself x
2006-10-21 09:59:33 · answer #4 · answered by Samantha B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is something you will always remember in the back of your mind, even if you go on to have other children. I went through a period of depression & sadness after my miscarriage. I have a bracelet (the italian charm braclet) and my mother bought me an angel charm for it to symbolize my unborn child. It makes me feel like I have an angel watching over me. I also conceived 3 months later and had a healthy baby girl. There must have been a reason for the 1st miscarriage that only God knows.
2006-10-22 03:52:22 · answer #5 · answered by Squirt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sympathise with u
miscarriage is natures way of survival, i assume this is ur first pregnanacy, so u wouldn't have known that u were pregnanat.
for many the first is a miscarriage as body doesn't recognise foetus and aborts it itself, this could be for many reasons.
It is for the best as it might have been deformed, i hope u have healthy babes in future :)
getting over will take time roughly 3 months, u might find urself crying every night, but u'll get over it, ur partner will have 2 b very sympathetic, in due time u'll feel better and move fwd.
BTW r u protected against rubella? if not, go c ur GP.
2006-10-21 05:51:37 · answer #6 · answered by avonlady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
~~~I am truely sorry for your loss,,,,and it is not your fault. Many women who have taken contraceptive pills,,,still end up getting pregnant,,,most will have a full term healthy baby. I do believe that when a baby is concieved and for some reason,,,something goes wrong and the baby is unhealthy to the point that even medical science could not help the child when born,,,I feel that God has made us women miscarrie,,,you now have a little angle that will always be by your side,,,,,,you may never get over the loss of your baby,,,,,and yes its ok to cry,,,,and say to your self "why me",,,,,take as long as you need,,,,could be weeks,,,months,,,there is no time line for greaving,,,,,,everyone deals with it in there own way,,,,,,,again I am truley sorry for your loss,,,,
2006-10-21 05:50:52 · answer #7 · answered by ~~Penny~~ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey im sorry.... its a horrible thing i had an ectopic preg in aug 2009 and have just got pregnant this month ... it took me so long to concieve because my periods were very irregular this month all i did was focussed on my CM which is prob why i fell preg this month i think dont give up hope and id say watch your CM thats what i did and it took me 6 months i wish all the best i really do as i now how long the wait can be .. hopefully this one is all well i find out on saturday best of luck to you my sweet xxx
2016-05-22 07:47:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's definitly not your fault. I know you may feel that it is, but it isn't. It is one of those things in life that just happens. I had a miscarriage in Feb. I blamed myself at first, but you can't do that. There are many reasons why it happens. You'll probley never know. It just takes time. The empty feeling inside will go away, eventually. Good luck!
2006-10-21 07:42:22 · answer #9 · answered by vgleason_102301 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never have figured out who is to blame i do not blame myself I learned to accept that God had another plan for my child & myself.
It's been 32 years and every Jan 29th, I have this longing feeling and more and more it takes me a little time to realize why.
I never thought that there was a justifiable reason for losing a child at 8 months but, God only knows, and I trust Him.
2006-10-21 13:26:52 · answer #10 · answered by Smurfetta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋