How do I explain to my son?

Question

My son is a 12 yr old mentally disabled child.One of his little play mates committed suicide last night.She was 13.She was a sweet child who took it upon herself to make sure my child was never treated un fairly.She left a note saying her boyfriend broke up with her and she didn't want to live.I am heart broken.What a waste.

How do I explain her death to my son?She was his best friend.
Please tell me how I am going to help him through this horrific time.
I haven't told him yet.I have no idea what to say.Please help!!

Answer 1

Ow Lord hon. I am so sorry. I will pray for you both and her people. get with him. hold his hand. hug him. tell him. wait. till he comes to grips with it for a minute.Tell him. that yes, they were friends and still are. that love in his heart will. be enough to hold them together.that she is alive and well now in heaven. that god loves her. and loves him also. hug him. let him cry. god will help you all. thru this.No need to tell him how she died. for right now.

Answer 2

Oh my dear. I am SO sorry. That is a terrible situation, and I really don't know what to say.

I would be at such a loss if I were in your shoes. So don't feel bad that you don't know what to say. I don't think any of us would ever be prepared to have to break such news to our children.

First off, I want to say that I am so sorry for the family of that 13-year old. She must have been wonderful, that she really watched out for your son like that. She had a soft heart. As a child her age, she just was not equipped to handle a break-up with a boyfriend. (I personally think that this is one of the reasons children that age should not even be dating, but it's too late now). The girl probably got so depressed that she was not thinking clearly. She may have even had a clinical depression, which obscured reality for her at the moment she committed suicide. This does not mean that all her life prior to this was a waste. She obviously meant a lot to your son. She must have had some very great qualities. Remember these when you think of her.

As for how to tell your son, I really believe you should seek some professional advice. I simply am clueless how to handle that. Try to see what kind of local counselling services you have in your area, and if you don't have any that you can trust or afford, then go to a clergy that you trust. Talk with the other parents, and maybe form a support group. It would probably be good to have a professional, licensed counsellor to organize all this for you all. And your son should probably have counselling too. Make sure he knows that it's ok to have counselling, and it does not mean that he is weak or anything. It is just that a terrible thing has happened, and you need professional advice on how to deal with it.

And pray, if you believe in prayer!
God bless you!

Answer 3

I am not sure if telling that his best friend committed suicide is a good idea, taking into account that your child is a physically challenged boy. Because you may never know what it might trigger in his mind - the death of his best friend. I am not sure but maybe you could tell that she has gone to other city/country for that matter world?

Answer 4

My heart breaks as I think about the pain that girl's parents feel right now. I don't think I would tell your son about the suicide. I would tell him that his friend went to heaven, and that she is with God now. There is no easy way to break this news to your son. If you are a member of a church make sure to share this news with your pastor and/or your son's sunday school teacher. They may be able to reinforce encouragement and comfort to your son. "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you" (James 1:5). You definitely need the Lord's guidance right now. Turn to Him. He knows exactly what you should tell your son.
May all of those reading this post pray not only for the lady who asked the question, but also for the friends and family of the child who died.

Answer 5

My sons 3 best friends all have mental disabilitys and they just lost one of their little friends 1st day of school this year. It was one of the most miserablest days our school had experienced as so many children were friends with this child.

We gave the boys a special drawing that was done for each of them personally, of an Angel by a lady who specialises in guardian angel drawings. We also gave them a shaped pale blue Angel stone and explained that Tom was called by God as Tom had duties elsewhere to help children like his friends....other children needed friends and so many had none so Tom made a 'snap' decision to leave us...but he left us a message and that is when ever you want to speak to him hold the stone and he will be there to listen.

Tom did not suicide,however, the children did not need to know the details as that bit was not important for them to know, just to know that he went quickly and with lots of Angels. It it 10 months on now and the boys all still talk about Tom being an Angel helper and that he must be very busy.

It is hard, however, you will know what it right, it is hard to say when one does not know your boy as you do, but I hope this helps or something in it does for you.

Blessings to you in light and love,
Harriett Potty

Answer 6

First of all I'm very sorry to hear such tragic news , my prayers to all involved . I would say you will need to gauge your explanation to the level of your child's understanding . Perhaps tell him she was very sad and hurt herself because she didn't understand what to do when she was so sad . Perhaps tell him she is now in a place where children who are hurt go and are with someone who loves them very much and will look after her but that she won't be returning and he will not see her anymore because she has to remain where she has gone but she will be happy again there and she wouldn't want him to worry about her because she loved him . Good luck to you and my sincere condolence goes out to you and the family in such a tragic circumstance.

Answer 7

Your first step should be to talk with a professional counselor who deals with death and the grieving process. They can help a great deal by keeping you focused on what and how to communicate. A lot depends upon how well your son is able to grasp the concept of death.

Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 8

you have a very hard thing that you have to do, I'm writing this in tears to think that a young girl should think life is not important over her boyfriend and her breaking up, tragic.

but to your problem, I don't know how severe the problems your son has, my son too has problems and it I told him straight he would quite quickly forget, like most children they have little concept about the permanence of death.

all children react differently but i feel you have to be truthful with him because if would probably be worse if he found out the truth later

Answer 9

that is so heart breaking. Only you know your son well enough, to know what to tell him and not what to tell him.

I wouldn't want my child to know (personally) if I could help it, that his friend commited suicide. Only because I have seen one person commit suicide, then others start thinking about it, or trying to commit suicide too. Teenagers are particularly at risk for this trend because it is one of the hardest phases of life to deal with.

I don't know your childs condition....so its hard to know what to say. i would like to help. But i wouldn't want to say the wrong thing. I think if you wait, you will know in your heart what to say.

God Bless you and your son

Answer 10

Do some research on the web and maybe read a few books on how to explain suicide to a child. That should help.

Answer 11

First, and most importantly, please don't lie. My brother was lied to after the death of a friend, and when he learnt the truth years later, it caused a rift between him and our parents.

You might begin by explaining that some people don't have the skills or resources to handle it when something bad happens. When something bad happens they don't know what to do and they become terribly sad. These peopld don't know how to talk about it to others. Their sadness turns into anger and they become angry at themselves and finally need to hurt themselves.

Explain to your son that he is in a better place. He has you to talk to, and perhaps other people. He can talk about his sadness so that it doesn't have to turn into an anger against himself. He can be angry, really angry, even at his friend because she hurt him as well as herself. That anger is different because it is becaus he loved her and most likely still does. He feels betrayed.

Have him pray for her, as she might still be hurting. Pray with him to let whatever God you believe in change any anger back into love.

It's a sad time, but a time to learn as well..