Hey, advise needed please!!!! I am one of these people who always worry about what other people think. I am in a stable year long relationship with my fiance and we have been talking about starting a family together.
I cant stop thinking about having a baby, I never thought I would feel like this!! It's driving me mad because I want to be sensible but I just feel that maybe I should live for now and follow my instincts to try for a baby. I mean, I will complete my HND degree course in June and I have already lived abroad in Africa for a year and travelled so I dont see what is holding me back.
I think maybe because although I am mature for my age of 21, I dont look it and I am just worried what other people may think!!
2006-10-21 04:31:13 · 42 answers · asked by Bette 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
WAIT until you are married, own a home, financially stable with a good few months worth of living expenses saved up.
If you have the foresight to think about these things now, you will be able to provide a much more stable home for your child. Raising a baby is VERY expensive, and you will be a much better and more attentive mom if you're not stressing about debt and finances like so many of us :)
Age is just a number, make sure your situation is ready. And definitely make sure your honey is on the same page with you. Young men usually have no idea how much effort it really takes, and they may just go along with what you want when they don't feel as strongly about it.
Best of luck whatever/whenever you decide!
2006-10-21 04:39:07 · answer #1 · answered by zmj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, DON'T worry what other people will say. The choice has to right for you as a couple, nobody else. If you and your partner feel comfortable with the idea of staring a family - do so. This always seems stupid when you think of it but weighing out the pro's and con's is also a good idea.
A child should be brought into the world for all the right reasons. It should be a happy occasion. If you even have the slightest doubt in your mind that you could not give and do the best for the child, then your not ready. Only you can decide that. Good luck.
2006-10-24 04:45:15 · answer #2 · answered by Minnie M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 21, in Uni and engaged to be married when I found out I was pregnant. It had been discussed with my now husband but obviously we weren't thinking straight away! I regret it some days and yet I wouldn't change it for the world. He was never a mistake and I now have three children. I will say this though. Think long and hard because once you decide to go ahead there is no turning back but you seem to be ready. I didn't look 21 either and was still being ID-ed for scratch cards! I got some horrible looks but it was fun to see peoples faces when I flashed my wedding ring and said I was 21! I would wait though until you have finished your course and then start trying. It would be a pity if you ended up sick all the time and find you can't complete it due to being absent. This happened to me unfortunately and I never got to complete my course. I am hoping to go back in a few years and do what I wanted to do.
2006-10-24 08:43:38 · answer #3 · answered by Tory1980 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If two people are in a commited relationship and are stable then no, but you are young. I was 27 when I had my son and I wish I could have waited a couple more years. Having a baby is a huge resposibility. If I were you, I would wait a few more years. Enjoy the time you two have as a couple first. When it comes to what others think, I have adopted the "I DON'T CARE" attitude. You and you alone have to be happy with your life. Do not live your life for other people. If you are not happy then a child will not be happy. You are an adult and have to live with the decisions you make. If you are in a relationship, your family will accept the child you have, regardless. But wait, hun...you have lots of time to live and are still growing. Enjoy it!
2006-10-21 04:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You sound like your excited, which is a good thing! And hmm...
My advise is to get married, and to look upon both of your lives and see if it would be a blessing or a curse. You also need to see if you are financially stable and will be able to support your child when it is born and when it grows. And the relationship should be stable, because life without a parent in your child's life would be horrible, but I don't think this will happen.
But if everything seems checked-off and all, go ahead after marriage or try for the baby. Just get married before it is born.
I probably won't ever see you in my lifetime or whatnot, but the best of luck with the family and my wishes travels to you two and possibly the third-member! ^_^
2006-10-21 08:10:41 · answer #5 · answered by endlessly_waiting_in_the_rain 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get married first! And it would be good to wait a year or two after marriage.
If you're not married, you could end up raising the kid alone. If you are married, you could end up alone anyway, but the chances are greater that it will not last if you are only engaged.
And for the record, I think 26-28 is a good age to have a kid, since you will have grown in maturity but it's still not too hard to have one. Hopefully around 28 or so a person is financially secure enough to afford to raise it and has done enough living to have wisdom to impart.
I think what's most important is that, if at all possible, it's best to raise a kid in a married environment where at least one parent works. I'm not a conservative or anything -- in fact I may raise a kid by myself (probably adopt) when I'm older. But first choice is a stable, married environment.
2006-10-22 10:02:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First stop worrying about what other people think. Once you have a baby you will get more criticism that ever before. I doesn't matter what you do with your baby, someone will always tell you its not right.
Personally I don't think 21 is too young for certain people. I know you've heard this before but having a baby is huge. Everything will change. Things you think are important right now wont even matter then. If you're willing to change everything in your life, sure.
2006-10-21 05:16:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know you think that you have lived life to the full and are ready to settle down with a baby, but think about it, you have been to one country, and are taking a degree. I would say you should get out there and explore the world more first. Have you ever been to the cafe in the top of the Eiffel Tower (Paris, France), or have you ever swam with dolphins? Now i'm not saying you must follow my advice, as I am only 13. But I think that 21 is too early, prehaps 25 is you are desparate, but I think the perfect age is about 32 - 36. :)
2006-10-21 04:53:55 · answer #8 · answered by emilyeparsons 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 21 when I had my first child. A brother followed 3 years later. My oldest is now 21 and my other son is a senior in high school. My husband and I will be 42 and 43 when we become empty nesters. It was tough when the boys were little - most of our friends were single or childless. Many of them now have children 10 and younger. While I am not wishing for the boys to be gone, i look forward to the next stage in our lives and being so young to enjoy it.
2006-10-21 07:53:23 · answer #9 · answered by digitsis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think 21 is too young but if you have ANY doubts then I suggest you wait until you are certain. What is too young for some is not too young for others. If you feel ready then go for it.....and anyway, just because you are trying doesn't mean you will succeed. I started trying for my first at 21 but I was 24 when he arrived! Sometimes it takes longer...so if you want one now then now is the time to try...because .....you MAY be waiting a while! (or maybe not), Only you can decide whats right for you but whatever you decide I wish you luck. Take care. X
2006-10-21 04:39:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋