What if you knew that they were having problems but you wanted to tell your sister about all the times when I was younger when he was making passes at me while they were married; when nothing happened and I knew I didn't do anything wrong but felt like I had because I kept the secret about this to keep her from getting upset. Now he has been mistreating my sister by leaving her for several months at a time. I feel he has always cheated on her and I want to tell her so bad about the way he treated me when I was very young. She keeps letting him come back. He even tells her he is not in love with her after 30 something years of marriage. He keeps saying that he needs time alone. She doesn't believe that he could ever cheat on her and this makes me so angry. He swears to her it is not another woman and he has never cheated. It is possible he never has cheated but my sister is a wreck. Should I keep my mouth shut as I have all these years.
2006-10-21 03:06:26 · 20 answers · asked by Busy Lady 2010 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He didn't only make passes at me but passes at my little sister as well. Also he flirted with every goodlooking woman that came into their house right in front of my sister.
2006-10-21 03:19:37 · update #1
I have nothing to hide because i never did anything with her husband.
2006-10-21 03:21:00 · update #2
Yes, I am afraid that she will turn against me but I was only 14 he was 22 and I didn't do anything with him. My biggest worry is that she will accuse me of lying.
2006-10-21 03:25:09 · update #3
This was not an imagined event what he was trying to do was lawfully wrong. I was a minor and he was much older. He knew better.
2006-10-21 03:26:49 · update #4
I say tell her. Some people are blinded by love and all their rational thinking goes out the window. Just tell her and be straight forward. Don't beat around the bush.
2006-10-21 03:11:14 · answer #1 · answered by Mike 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
After 30 years, I really don't think it's something you should bring up. My best advice for you is that you just be there for your sister because it sounds as though she really needs your love and support right now. If anything, you mentioning something that happened when you were 14 may do nothing more than make her angry and furious with YOU!!!!! And that is simply not worth it. I would recommend just keeping it to yourself. It will only make matters worse. Just be there for her, love her, and offer her your help when she needs it. She's an adult, and is entitled to make her own decisions, good or bad, for herself.
Now, if you have evidence that he is cheating on her NOW, then that's different! Let her know if you find out he's currently having an affair. But him making a pass at you 30 years ago should never, ever be brought to your sister's attention.
2006-10-21 03:13:57 · answer #2 · answered by Jemmie Vee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't usually think one should bring up things from long ago. But he made passes when you were at and inappropriate age.
He is scum. You and your sister with another family member should have an intervention. The family member would be someone supportive for both sides. He was a latent Pedophile maybe he is active now. Good Luck to you and you all need to heal. That secret has been a burden for you all these years and your sister will probably be a bigger mess. But getting rid of him will be the only way she can heal.
2006-10-21 03:28:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, if you have kept this a secret for this many years, whats the purpose of telling it now? Its not going to change anything because sounds like she truly loves him. So my advice to you is to let it go. Your sister has to be the one to decide whether or not she wants to keep putting up with what her husband is putting her through. Not you. I understand how you feel as a sister but theres just nothing anyone can do about it.
2006-10-21 15:08:56 · answer #4 · answered by Wendy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why DIDN"T you say anything before? Keep in mind how long they have been together. I guess she loves him, huh? Does he still make passes at you? If not...keep your mouth shut. There would be no proof...and once you put yourself in the middle...that's where you'll spend most of your time. Not to mention, you sister. What do you think her reaction of YOU would be? Nevermind him...If its that obvious what type of man he is then I'm sure your sister already knows how he is. Why make yourself sound petty? Not to mention...a little coniving.
2006-10-21 03:13:11 · answer #5 · answered by Heather E 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have a strong belief that your older sister knows what her husband is like... I think telling her something about your earlier experiences with him will only hurt your relationship with her at this point... Since nothing bad happened it would probably be best to leave sleeping dogs lie... Like I said, she knows what he is capable of doing and does at this point... Maybe your best bet would be to talk to her and talk her out of letting him back home for her own good and future... Enlist your younger sister to help you talk to her...
2006-10-22 07:16:41 · answer #6 · answered by deakjone 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok...I think you should tell her. Maybe if you tell her she will get the hint that this guy sucks. And you are family. If you do tell her there is a chance that she will not believe you but if you start to cry then I think that she will. Just be honest and tell her the truth. And make sure that she knows why you didnt tell her.
2006-10-21 04:18:01 · answer #7 · answered by Skylar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of it no matter how much it is suddenly killing you to keep it a secret. Be there for your sister, if she wants that, but for heavens sake shut the mouth up. You will do more harm, and it won't be to your brother-in-law either.
2006-10-21 03:11:00 · answer #8 · answered by pshdsa 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if it were me and you were my sister. i would ask you why you didn't tell me years ago. i would be careful about saying that to her. simply because of time lapsed. you have no proof he is cheating. you can share your concern that if he's cheating then leave him. but stay out of there biz. cause if he's not cheating you may break up a relationship and stuck your nose in her biz. i know you love her and want to look out for her. help her by talking to her about why she takes him back when he says those things. suggest to her to go to a counsellor to help her get a better understanding of her behaviors and why she accepts his. she can't change them. all she can do is tell him how his behaviors affect her. i would hold back on telling her.
2006-10-21 03:12:26 · answer #9 · answered by Jody SweetG 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes - keep schtum. If you don't, your sister will hate you. She married the chap and if he really is a low-life she will find out for herself.
She sounds like a doormat from what you say, but hopfully one day she will come to her senses in her own time.
For you to divulge now would merely be seen as trouble-making, and quite rightly so.
2006-10-21 03:10:43 · answer #10 · answered by steven b 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋