There is a woman I made friends with when our sons made friends in Kindergarten. We get along very well and she is a very nice person. Her husband is in Iraq and we have included her and her son on a couple occasions when we were going to do an activity as a family. Now it seems like if she finds out we are going somewhere she calls and wants to know if she can follow in her car. I feel bad that her husband isn't there now but we want to do things on our own sometimes. I don't think there is a way I can tell her that won't hurt her feelings. I don't want to lie to her either but I don't know what else to say. My husband wants to take our family to a major theme park today and has been planning it for sometime. Our son spilled the beans to her son at school and now they want to come. If she is not going with us somewhere she is wanting to come over to our house every weekend. I really like her but I need a break.
2006-10-21 02:56:09 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You're a dear friend for including her in any family activity. I don't think she will be hurt; she is being rather bold and definitely pushy thinking she can tag along everywhere. Don't apologize for your family activities. Here is what you tell her:
"Look, (her name), my husband and I need some time together with just us and the kids. We can't take you along this time. But we'll get together and plan one together when we get back."
Also; she's coming over all of the time. Here is what you say to her:
"I'm really busy right now and don't have time to sit and chat. I giving myself some much needed"downtime" and I think I'm going to have a bubble bath and a glass of wine! Give me a call in a day or two and we'll get together.
I would try to introduce her to another woman whose husband is in the service. Most of the families have get togethers while their men are gone. It might be going out of your way, but it would be worth it to get her involved with someone else who has the same interests as she does.
Don't ever lie about it; don't say "sorry". You can't be taken advantage of unless you allow her to do that. Be strong and do her a favor by teaching her she can't butt in anytime she's lonely. I promise when her hubby comes home, you won't see her much. Godloveya, honey.
2006-10-21 03:38:56 · answer #1 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would say to you to really try and put yourself in her shoes. She seems to have some sort of comfort from being around you and your family. I just couldn't imagime how lonely and depressed and scared I would be if my husband were in Iraq. Maybe being around you helps her cope and helps her forget for a little while. I know it's hard to always incorporate an "outsider" in family plans all the time but think about who is going to get hurt the most, you if you continue to let her tag along or her if you tell her she can't. Think about if you were in this situation and went to her for the comfort that she's found in you. Wouldn't you want her to do the same for you? Taking her to the theme park with you today is only one day in your life, her husband being gone is every single day of hers. You're friendship and company could possibly be one of the things keeping her sane right now. Just try to make the decision straight from your heart. It seems to me that you already know the right thing to do. Please don't take any of this to be mean or judgemental. I am just trying to show you another perspective. I have been on both sides of this issue and I know that when I needed my friend she was there for me every single second that I needed her to be and when she went through something I was there for her as well. Even when it didn't fit into our plans for the day we made sure to understand the importance of how we needed each other when it seemed like no one else was there. The result has been that we have a friendship with each other and have bonded together unlike any other friendship either of us has ever had. I hope this helps you, again I am not judging you and I hope you have a blessed day and that you remember that you have the choice to be a blessing in someone elses day! :)
2006-10-21 03:27:11 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Stacy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't this woman have any other friends? If not, I can see why!
She is taking advantage of you, and will continue to do it unless you put a stop to it. You will just have to tell her that your family needs to do things alone sometimes. And if she wants to come over, just say you have made plans. You don't need to say what it is! She should be calling first in any case, and be prepared to say no!
I can understand her being lonely, but it isn't your responsibility to entertain her. Practice saying what you want to say, and when the time comes, it will come out naturally.
2006-10-21 11:46:36 · answer #3 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no other nice way but be frank with her. Tell her your family needs family time too. Sorry she can't come along, but she's not family anyhow. If it hurts or offends her, too bad.....at least the message got across.
The worst case scenario is she gets so close to your family or your husband that they have an affair eventually. So be very careful.
2006-10-21 04:44:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like me. It's difficult to just say "no" isn't it. I would explain to her in an upbeat fashion that you would love for her to go but you and your husband really want one on one (in essence) time with your children. Explain that when your son's best buddy is around that it is hard to spend quality time with him since he so wrapped up in playing with his friend. Say it in a way that doesn't make you sound like you feel sorry for her. No one wants a condescending friend. I'm sure she will understand. If she doesn't then I'm afraid she is just too pushy and you'd be doing yourself a service by separating yourselves from her for a while. Good luck and God bless! Have a wonderful trip!
2006-10-21 03:12:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest and don't be afraid. "My husband and I have decided that we need more time with just our family alone" the next time she tries to invite herself.
You set the rules on who and when someone visits your house; if she doesn't call first, you're just going to have to tell her that she must.
Most people, if they are lonely and need your companionship will adjust themselves to the new rules. If she doesn't, so what? Doesn't sound like you'll die if she isn't in your life.
Everybody comes across people who are too needy and clingy, you must stand up to them or they will take you over.
2006-10-21 03:14:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋