Calling all middle children out there! And parents of more than 2! Advice?

Question

I have 3 great kids ages 7, 3, and 21 months. I have a question for any one who is a middle child or for parents who have more than 2 kids. Can anyone share their experiences being a middle child or being a parent to your middle child? People always tell me, "oh, she's going to be interesting, cause she's the middle child". Or "she's going to be trouble, that middle child syndrome, you know". I must admit, my middle child is way different than my other 2. She seems as if she acts out way more and gets into things constantly and destroys things. I feel she does this for attention, but I don't feel that I show her any less attention than I show to my other 2 kids. I am a stay at home mom, so she's with me all day. My husband and I both only had 1 sibling, I was the oldest and he was the youngest, so neither of us have experience being in the middle. Is it really that hard to be in the middle? Anything special I should know? Any comments or advice would help. Thanks!

Answer 1

It's the attention you don't realize that affects them. You have the oldest which is your big helper and your youngest which is your baby, then you have the middle one who gets lost in it all. Or on the opposite end you THINK the middle one isn't getting enough attention and OVERCOMPENSATE and end up spoiling. It is a very difficult balance. Try taking turns asking for things from the two oldest. A three-year-old can be a big help with a baby too. Every time you ask 7yr old to get you something ask 3yr old to do something too. Even if you don't really need it. Every time you pick up and cuddle baby pick up and cuddle 3yr old. Sit and read to both of them while holding both of them. Good luck and all will be fine.

Mother of 4- 4, 4, 2, and 7 months plus an 11 yr old step daughter.

Answer 2

Middle children sometimes feel 'lost' in the family hierarchy.Research-workers have found out that in the family albums there are less photos of the middle child than of the other two.Middle children sometimes try to find their place,acting different and be different than the other children in the family.For example,if the oldest brother is a footballer,the middle child may turn to music,avoiding any comparing with the oldest child.
Middle children are at a disadvantage.They neither have the privileges of the oldest,non the overindulgence which the youngest have from the parents.Sometimes they decide that they are victims of unfair treatment which may make them 'angry young people' or malcontent while they are trying to find their place.
Watching how the kids are playing you have the great opportunity to see how everyone of them express their essence.Adults have to create preconditions for the spirits and self-confidence,which are so necessary for every child.
Your middle child may feel dethrone by the 21-month-old(kids during the first 2 years occupy most of the parents' attention).Devote some time just to your middle child.Emphasize that this time is just for your middle child and tell her(him) you are glad to have a bigger child(when the 7-year-old is at school) to share interesting occasions and play together or talk together.You may use for these moments going to the store or a walk in the neighbourhood(or cooking,reading stories while the youngest child is sleeping).

Answer 3

I have four kids and thus 2 middle children. One who is very sensitive and whiny and the other who acts up and gets in trouble a lot. They are both great at school but at home the older middle child is the worst. Man, he has days where he makes me crazy!! I also am a stay at home mom and spend a lot of time with my kids so he isn't exactly attention starved. I have noticed a difference if when I go run errands I take them individually. I think it's one on one time they are missing and not just attention. I go to the store and run any errands I can after my husband is off work or on his days off so I can take each one seperately- just to visit and hang out. I don't buy them candy or toys but we usually stop for a drink or something to eat. I find his behavior is better for days after one of these little trips. Good luck and just remember to always tell your middle child how special they are and try to pick out the things they do or things about them that are different than the other kids. Yours is so young right now- but it will get easier to handle as they get older.

Answer 4

The doctor told me this when my third child was born, "The now middle child, will get jealous of the new baby." I wondered why myself. Then I found it to be true. They use to be the baby, now they feel they have no significance, because they are just the middle one. No longer are they the youngest, and they will never be the oldest. For some reason they feel they are in limbo. I learned this when my child grew up. My middle child is the smartest, and it has been a harder time getting her to not have a complex. Even though she is smart, at times she feels we love the others, more. We have spent time with her alone, giving her attention she needs, but we are still learning. Don't give up, it does get easier in time. Just continue to do what you are doing. Eventually they will appreciate it.

Answer 5

I am a middle child and so is my duaghter. We are different as night and day. When i was young I was very understanding, I could empathize really well with what was going on around me, my daughter however is much like your own. Try to take some time out of your day at least once a week and make it a "Mommy & Me time" for her. Middle children may get the same amount of attention, but we are reqired a little more. We don't get all the prvilges our older siblings get and we can see the younger ones as a threat to "Our" time with mommy.

Answer 6

It could just be her age as well. I have a 3 y/o who is a "handful" as well. He's the youngest, but still I think it has more to do with her age right now. I am the youngest of 3 kids and my brother never acted up that way. We were all treated pretty much the same. When talking to your children, act upon their differences in personalities rather than their birth order. If you don't make a big deal out of it, most likely neither will they. Good luck.

Answer 7

As the middle child she will feel left out because we consider the older child more responsible for helping around the house and may get more....the youngest is the baby gets away with murder and need lots of attention. That leavs us to the middle child....spend some one on one time with her when dad gets home.....show her shes special too and just be consistant with disipline, she should be fine.

Answer 8

I am the middle child and I can tell you that birth order does make an impact on personality (at least in my opinion). However, don’t worry too much if your child acts out every now and then, she is only trying to establish her role in the family. Just give her the love and attention that she deserves and she will turn out great, I did.

Answer 9

I have 3 children and my middle child is also the only girl. she has always resented her brothers even though I made sure to give her that mother/daughter relationship time. We even had a girls day out on the weekends. my boys never had that. still, she always feels as though she has been "slighted" by me. She is now 19 and won't have too much to do with me and once said "we were never close" when i mentioned how close we used to be. I hope it is just a phase she is going through but maybe she just has the middle child thing

Answer 10

I have 3 daughters ages 13, 10, 8...and my middle child is different from the others, but they are all different..they each have their own personlities and I don't treat any of them any different as far as attention, but I do react to them accordin to their personalities

I fee the middle child syndrome is a myth! middle kids over the years have been "programmed" in a sense to feel like they're being slighted and left out....when these people said these things to u was ur daughter ever in ear shot? Even one or two of those times were enough to make her think "hey, something about me makes me different" and not in a good way..

Don't focus on when she was born and focus on bein a good parent to all ur girls, and consistant discipline is key too! Don't slack on her b/c she's the poor misunderstoond middle child...treat ur children equally but accordin to their own individual needs....good luck...peace