I have a 3 year old girl and her father and i are no longer together but i'm not one of those mothers that wont let the father see his child because we split.....i believe little girls need there daddys in there lives.....so anyways we have shared custody and we came to an agreement that he would have her for the year because as of september 2007 she will be with me full time for school....so i will see her for christmas and a month in the summer......but i cant take it anymore she been gone so long i miss her...but her father will feel the same way when i have her........we live 14 hors apart so its not an easy commute.......is all of this right for me for him and especialy for her?? i only want the best for my daughter.
2006-10-21 02:04:55 · 14 answers · asked by ? 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
i divorced 6 years ago with a then 10 year old daughter. right from the start, she stayed with me for 2 weeks and then spend 2 weeks with her mother. this arrangement seems to be working very good, for my daughter as well as for her mother and for me.
now her mother and i don't live 14 hours apart so i can imagine it's more difficult for you to find a goor arrangement and i can especially understand you're missing your girl. but i suppose her father will feel just the same once your girl comes to live with you to go to school ... i don't know what possibilties there are for you and her father to go and live closer to eachother but i'm afraid that's the only solution to avoid you and him regretting this arrangement.
anyway, try to find a solution because you're right: a kid needs both his mother and father. best of luck!
2006-10-21 02:22:43 · answer #1 · answered by Guy VS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no right or wrong answer. You are being very generous and understanding. But I also believe that a child needs their mother, they need their father too but I think it's mom more than dad. Most kids when they are hurt or sick they go straight to mom.
I couldn't do what you are doing {not that you are wrong or anything} I just couldn't do it. I would have to have her with me and she would have to be visiting her dad.
When me and husband divorced I gave him unlimited visitation, as long as I had some sort of notice. We didn't have set times for visiting. We didn't want to set times because maybe they would want to see each other on a day that the other had him. The answer wasn't always yes because there were times where I had already had plans but all in all it worked real well. We also lived about 30 minutes away from each other though.
Good Luck!!
2006-10-21 04:13:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally...I can see the reasoning behind what your trying to do, but no...its not whats best for any of you. Not really seeing her mother for a year is not healthy, especially for a 3 year old. Do you see her more then just summer and xmas? if not then a 3 years old, she isnt going to remember much and might have a hard time with the transition going from whats familiar to whats not. You should really think about what your doing to the child. he may have a different parenting style then you and she will need to adjust then when she is with you she'll want to know where daddy is. 14 hours is a long time, but I think another arrangement should be made in the best interest of the child.
2006-10-21 03:29:17 · answer #3 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a strong person you are!!! I don't believe I could go a day without seeing my kids. But then I'm not in your situation. Well done for thinking of your daughter and her dad!
Ideally it would be better if you could both see her regularly. Is there any chance of either you or the father moving closer to each other? I worry how the moving from parent, friends, neighbours, routines could affect her.
But do you know what? As a parent you can only do the best you can with what you have.
Good luck, I hope you have a resolution that makes everybody happy.
2006-10-21 02:15:36 · answer #4 · answered by Karen D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a very sweet person most mothers dont even let there children If you miss her that much maby you should move closer so you can see her more often!!
Im a child of devorsed parents and my parents live 25 minutes apart so i stay at my dads house on mondays and tuesdays and every other weekend so it all works out
2006-10-21 02:12:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think children really need stability so shuffling them back and forth is gonna be really hard on them. Eventually they are gonna get older and make friends and be in school and not want to leave for that extended period of time to be with a particular parent and miss out on spending time with their own friends. That parent is going to feel hurt. Either way, all 3 of you are suffering for this.
Is it impossible for one of you to move closer to the other?
You have to do whats best for the child. Your or your ex's feelings arent really a priority. They must be considered but ultimately someone is gonna have to give in here. Its just gonna be harder as time goes on.
2006-10-21 02:12:48 · answer #6 · answered by TheTruthHurts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry about your situation. It seems that the current arrangement is hard on all three of you. Maybe you and your child's father should talk about the possibility of moving closer to each other. I know that might be a stretch, but it is worth the try.
2006-10-21 02:10:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that must be hard, but I think you are doing something great for your daughter, she definitely needs both her parents in your life. Just hang in there visit her when you can, and just remember the holidays are just around the corner. Good luck.
2006-10-25 00:36:14 · answer #8 · answered by mindy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being reasonable and i hink it's great that you let her daddy have her for that long. But maybe you should ask her to see what SHE wants?!You never know, maybe she just wants to stay with you.
2006-10-21 02:10:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u can maybe u should moving closer to each other that way neither of u will have to go so long w/o seeing ur child
2006-10-21 03:56:24 · answer #10 · answered by Simply Me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋