can u help my brother?

Question

My brother is a drug addict but he wont admit it, we all know he take coke and so does his 6 months pregnant girlfriend, hes in debt upto his eyeballs, he goes to wrok comes home on a friday with his wages and owes all of it out and more, my mum then has to pay for him to get to work all week, he doesn't pay any rent or contribute to any bills or anything. He's 19.
Anyone got any advice on this.
By the way my mum wont kick him out and we've talked and screamed at him offered him help but he's adamint he aint got a problem.

Answer 1

cruel to be kind.....send him to the council to get his own place

Answer 2

Unfortunately, it will be a case of being cruel to be kind. All the time that you or your mum keeps bailing him out, he does not have to face up to his problems and so he will continue. He doesn't recognise that he has a problem because he's onto a cushy deal.

As both he and his pregnant girlfriend are taking drugs, would there be any value in speaking to the local Police? Perhaps a sharp shock of being arrested might make him realise.

Alternatively, your GP will be able to give you some information about drugs counselling and help in your local area. Also the health authorities should be made aware, if they are not already, that the girlfriend is taking as the baby is likely to need extra care when it is born.

There is also an independent drugs helpline called Frank - unfortunately, I don't know the phone number but I'm sure it will be in the book or Directory Enquiries can help. They offer all sorts of help to young people on drugs and their families.

I know it's going to be a long and distressing situation for you and your mum. Good luck and best wishes. xx

Answer 3

Hi drug addicts dont know they have got a problem, this is why he wont listen to you. I know it wil be difficult for your mum to do but she needs to tell him and maybe even not let him live at your house anymore. He will then realise he will have to do something about his problem, because he wont have your mum there pickin up his pieces. Why doesnt him and his girlfriend both go to rehab(or whatever you like to call it) together and maybe you or your mum go along for support. I think your whole family needs to sit down for a nice long talk. Rather than letting problems be pushed under the rug bring them out in the open and then see what the situation is. Hes going to have to learn if he aint willing to kick the habbit then his family wont be around to pick up his pieces and pnce you show him this he may realise. Hes only 19 so he maybe able to get out of his habbit but it depends on how loong he has been doing it. If he has been a drug addict for agaes in his early teens then maybe you should have done something about it sooner.

Answer 4

Unless he want help with his drug addition there really is nothing that you can do about it,but don't shout and scream at him sit him down individually and if need be pour out your heart to him tell him how much it means to have him in your life and the way hes going is only down and you are afraid of losing him,his girlfriend must make sure that her midwives are aware of her situation this child will be born with withdrawal symptoms that will need more drugs to be weaned off.He can beat his debt some debts can be written off if there is no real chance that they can be re-payed.Phone the debt advice line free on 0808 808 4000 they can give many options to get out of this mess without consolidation.Don't let mum kick him out on the streets he needs your help more than he cares to admit," talk to frank "drug helpline can put you in touch with local drug groups who can offer advice on where to take the next step.Please be there for him I know its hard when you watch the person you love fade before your eyes.

Answer 5

Well, it sounds like the young man believes his life is out of his control. And he does have a lot on his plate. The coke is his escape.

Have conversation with your brother. Tell him you know he can take better control. Tell him all the good things you know about him. (He does go to work, he's stood by the baby's mother, he's good with a hammer, whatever you know.....)

You cannot manipulate other people's behavior. However, you may be able to influence it. When you speak with your family members, speak with respect. Respond to what they are saying, do not react. Take a breath, think of what you want to say, and say it calmly and respectfully. You are teaching Respect. If someone speaks to you disrespectfully you can say, " I don't speak to you like that......Why would you speak to me like that?"
And they have to think.

Your brother needs to take the next step. He needs a car and a bank account. He needs to make sure his girlfriend has applied for state insurance and WIC, and subsidized daycare. They should consider subsidized housing. If he isn't going to be with the mother, then he needs to sign up for Child Support and Visitation.

Your brother needs to learn how to make a right decision. He needs to take a long look at what he has created for his life. He needs to see what is good and what hurts him and make responsible decisions regarding himself. He can do this. Let him know you are there for him. Repeat conversation as necessary. Include Mum in the conversation. Always speak with respect. He's going to need some time. Speak to the person he is to become. Look past the errors he has made to the adult parent role he is going to have to assume.

Give him some time. Don't bring up subjects that bring on misery. Ask him every day if there is anything you can do for him......show how you do consider him at some point in the day.

If he's adamant that he hasn't got a problem then treat him like it's not a problem and tell him you expect him to uphold some of his financial responsiblities. Playtime is over. Time to be a man.

Answer 6

Until he takes responsibility for what he is doing he will not change and while your mother is supporting him he doesn't need to. I can understand why she is and I admire her for doing that. But sometimes the tough road is a better way. She can cut him off financially but still be there for him. One day he will thank her for it. May be trying to find out why he feels a need to take drugs would help. Taking drugs could be an escape from an unhappy relationship some where in his life. I would be concerned for the unborn child. Harming your self by taking drugs is one thing but harming someone else through your own drug taking is in my opinion not acceptable.

Answer 7

the big trouble with this situation is that you cant help anyone until they want to be helped, I know this is hard, it happened to my sister and it tore our family apart, and i just had to wait until she was ready or had fallen so low that the only way was up and then she asked for help and got it, and yes all is well just a distant memory, but the terrible thing here is not your brother so much its the girlfriend taking drugs whilst pregnant that is just disgusting she needs help and fast I would advice talking a doctor/hospital/social worker something like that. I'm sorry this is all no help I know but it is such a hard subject to help with. I do wish you and your family luck, and your brother, girlfriend and baby all the help anyone can offer. xx

Answer 8

im really really sorry for your problem - but you need to understand that the only person who can help your brother is ... your brother.

i think the most important issue is the baby..... babys who are born with drug addictions go through hell - the suffer from the moment they are born and can be left with serious illness. try and get some pictures and articles about babies and show this to them together.

if they dont care enough about the baby to stop taking drug they definately don't care enough about themselves, I would suggest that they are in a destructive relationship and shouldnt be together - it more than likely that both are suffering from some kind of depression.

I'm sorry but if talking to them about the baby doesn't help you need to think about yourself and get these people out of your life - be there for them if they need you but do not help them to live like this - suggest they seek help and if they turn it down - walk away.

Answer 9

OK yes I have alot to say ,my husband is now in rehab classes for use of cocaine ,devils candy !!he is very addicted but it is so dangerous ,my hubby almost died his heart almost busted from over use of cocaine ,he still didn't stop ,you may not like what I'm going to say ,but it is a fact ,your family could be enabling him ,because in his drug free mind he don't really even here you ,but he has to have tough love .don't give him money ,tell parents no more paying his bills , he must go to rehab ,but if he don't want help nothing u can do ,he has to want help.! we lost everything before my hubby realized ,and got help .its a hard drug to get off of .and it can kill him research it on net ,tell him about the stuff u read ,maybe it will scare him .I will be praying for u all .

Answer 10

He will never learn if he keeps getting help. When someone can get away with it for that long they get to the point where they dont think they are doing any harm but when they are the one with the consiquences and having to pay for it sometimes it does the trick and dawns on them what they are doing to them and their family. Its down to your mum but if she keeps it up she will loose everthing as she support shim to a right old age and it wont do her any good. Your mum will be the one that can crack him.

Answer 11

sorry sweetie but what a loser i think your mum should stand her ground bless her kick him out it just maybe the wake up call that he needs if your mum keeps paying for every thing for him he will not benefits and do anything him self like pay rent bills etc throw him out and let him help him self good luck