my problem is recently while out shopping i ran into my ex and his new born twins, he has now asked to have contact with our to daugthers (there 3 and 4 yrs old) but its been 2yrs since ive heard from him and my husband has been raising them as his own. my 4 yr old remembers her biological father and his family and has asked if she can see them well she had a big sook about wanting to see them. i have never lied to them and told them my husband is thier real dad, they kinda get the situation. but it was really hard after the ex disappeared the first time my daugther was very hurt but since she seen him shes begging to see him and her new sisters agian, im worried she'll get hurt agian and my 3yr old as well this time also i feel im being unfair to my husband if i have contact with him. i dont know what to do plz help.
2006-10-20 23:42:27 · 6 answers · asked by mrs nevz 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hi,
I saw your question and I felt compelled to answer as I am a Father myself who was absent at one point in my childrens lives.
I am also someone who never knew my Dad untill later on in life.
People make mistakes in life and I dont know the reason why he wasnt there for his kids but people do grow up,(hopefully).
If he is making attempts to see his kids thats great! I understand that you are sceptical and dont want your kids to get hurt but from experience I was hurt more by the fact that I never even knew my Dad.Believe me even though though your husband is raising them as his own the kids(Props to you Bro) know that he is not thier Father because I did and always wanted to know my real Dad.Dont take that opportunity away from them life is too dammed short.I would let the ex know that you hold all of the cards and that this is his last chance and that you will not allow him to hurt those children with false promises and false hopes.
I know it is alot to deal with but remember that its all for the best interest of the children. If you need someone to talk to thats been thier with thier own father and also his own kids feel free to hit me up. I am at this place here under w no spaaces fountain no spaces519.Good luck and God bless the children.
2006-10-21 00:02:12 · answer #1 · answered by wholelottalove4u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ouch! Talk about a volatile situation. This comes down to a personal call on your part. Denying your daughters desire to see him could end up in resentment. No matter how long he has been gone or how little contact he made, all your daughter sees is Daddy. There is no excuse for abandoning 2 children. You need to discuss this with your husband and work it out as a unit. There is no easy or right answer here when you are dealing with a child's affections. Take the time you need to really come to a decision that is right for THEM.
2006-10-21 06:54:56 · answer #2 · answered by madevali 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mrs. Nevz, the father and the daughter are asking to see each other. I know you don't want the kids to get hurt but they get to call how they handle the relationship with an estranged parent. Your daughter is choosing to take the risk. Just be there for her. Be her Mom.
Do you have Child Support and Visitation established? Have conversation with the ex and determine how you want to establish both. You do not have to have a lawyer for this. Just go to family court to pick up the paperwork and fill it out honestly. Then go to court on the date they assisgn. Child support is something you do For your child, not Against the parent.
Try to establish a conversational relationship with the ex. When you speak to him , speak with respect. Respond to what he is telling you. Do not react. Take a breath, think of what you want to say and say it calmly and respectfully. This teaches respect. If he disrespects you in conversation then you can say, " I can't talk about this right now." And end the conversation.
You have an opportunity for rest. They have an opportunity to know their father. And he did ask.
2006-10-21 07:25:19 · answer #3 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be fair to your daughters. That is their father and they should get to know him. Even if he comes into their life right now then goes later on down the line they need to get to know him. You do not want them to be teens and then blame you for keeping them from their father. Notice that I said father and not dad their dad is your husband their father is the man who wants to see them. There is a difference. Your husband should understand what you need to do. Good luck
2006-10-21 08:20:32 · answer #4 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whatever decision you make know this, it will be in your daughters best intresets and if its not nessarily the one they want they will understand when they are older. They wont hate you for it. Discuss this with your husband. If he has been raising them as his own then he gets a say in the matter.
2006-10-21 07:30:02 · answer #5 · answered by Doc M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its better to if he lets her down than u.
2006-10-21 06:49:39 · answer #6 · answered by jesse james 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋