Trouble trusting men and trying to get "in the game"...?

Question

'm 26 years old, attractive and I think I have a nie personality. However, all the guys I've dated after my 8 years relationship, all said the same thing to me: I AM TOO CLINGY AND I DON'T TRUST THEM! They are right. For 8 years I was comfortable and alway had a boyfriend around, but my ex cheated on me, so I am having trouble trusting ALL MEN. Now I am seeing this hot restaurant manager, who I truly feel is the most sincere guy ever. He told me that he likes me a lot and just let his action show me how much he likes me. However with his 16+hrs, 6 days a week, he hardly ever has time for me. And to split it amongst his friends and family, I'm really talking just hrs/week. Also he came up to me while I was eating at his restaurant, I feel like if he comes up to me he can go up to anyone, right? But this guy already introduced to me his best buddies and his dad (I was over at his place when his dad arrived from Missouri). I shot pool w/his dad too.Confused! Help! What should I do? :(

Answer 1

You can't judge all men by what one man does or doesn't do. Basically they are all somewhat alike but then so are women. Most men don't like clinging vines or to be smothered with love. They want an equal partner. Most men want a woman that is confident in themselves. A clinging vine indicates you don't have confidence in yourself. Not trusting him will eventually cause him to leave! Trust is the most important part in a relationship because without it the relationship is a constant struggle instead of enjoying his time with you he ends up dreading being together!

Answer 2

Take control of your emotions and the situation. Remember that no job can determine your lifestyle. If you see that he loves you as he obviously to me does then see what his future job prospects are. You may have to hang in there for a year or two even or even three for him to adjust to your lifestyle needs, but remember one thing, he has had this job before you came along and had no idea about your needs. He'll eventually adjust and so will you. Don't worry about his job, be thankful that he's probably getting off thinking about you all day cause that's all he has time for, be lucky cause how could someone like that cheat right? He has no time. So, either get a better job yourself so he can cut back on his hours, or wait for him, or help him get a better job, but I wouldn't just leave if you really like him. If you don't though, that is a lot of work to expect from you so maybe you do really need to think about it before you get wrapped up in waiting for him. Another thing you can tell him is to downsize, spend less, get a cheaper place to rent, get rid of the monthly car payment and just get a beater, buy him one for 500 bucks, not really, but you can see how cheap life can be if you're willing to live for the more important things like you seem to desire, love and quality time, tell him you don't expect him to give you anything and show him you mean it by getting yourself things and showing how you just want time with him and that's absolutely it, that will take a lot of pressure off of him to work so hard, try to get him to cut down his hours or find a similar job with less hours, or find out why he's working so hard and if it's a family reason, ie to support someone else try and help him understand that he doesn't have to take responsibility for the whole world, he has a life too, he probably needs you more than you need him, so that means he'll probably love you and remember you if he's a true man.

Answer 3

Yeah it's hard to trust people...but you at 26 should know that you never give your trust to someone right away. You obviously know kind of what you are getting yourself into...being a restaurant manager myself it is really hard to balance your time with everyone and there is always someone who should be getting more of your time that isn't even getting 1/4 of what they deserve but I find that it is really quality and not quantity. He could go up to anyone yeah but did you look at it like this...it comes along with his job. So much of our personal time as women we protect ourselves so much that we tend to get lost and forget some of the best of ourselves to be able to share. I'm not saying go into totally unguarded but open up some and if you see yourself getting back into a comfortable zone that you have with then men in your past think about your actions and ask yourself if you are being to clingy or not trusting them enough. Go for it....let him show you how much he likes you it might just be THE ONE for you

Answer 4

Calm down, and take it slowly. Get used to being by yourself and enjoy your time. Find other things to think about, hobbies. Forget about men for a while and get over your hurt. Because it seems like at the moment your not ready to move on. Once you get over your hurt you'll be able to trust men again. If this guy is busy, then accept it. Don't take it is a huge thing and role with the punches.

Answer 5

Well heres my advice. Men are just like women. We lie, were insecure, were mean sometimes, etc. One thing abut trust, its kind of like investing. You need to diversify the trust you give to men to see if they are good enough to put your all. Give them trust with something other than your heart, like responsibilities. Trust them with, maybe a little money you can spare. Trust them with some supposedly important issue and see if they pull through. Once you see they are responsible and care, you can slowly trust again.

Now about the actual guy, yes hes very busy. VERY. but sometimes we have to let go of our fears and take the risk., but be prepared. Im very outspoken, I talk to all guys if they at least talk to me. Doesnt mean i like them all, heck no. Just, im an open person. Maybe he is confident and doesnt worry too much about rejection, because hes not putting himself into a rejectory situation. Be flattered he is into you, and take it slow and when its a green light, go, and when its red, stop. Simple.

Answer 6

I wish you the best of luck. We all get "conditioned" by our experiences. I hope that things will be at a point where you can find that you are able to trust again.

Answer 7

learn to face your insecurites and don't sell yourself short.

this guy sounds great but 16+ and 6 days man that is too little time for any kind of realtionship.

good luck