What is your view on spanking children?

Question

And I want serious answers please, anything sexual will be reported.

Now, I know spanking is a debate that will go on until the end of time, but I'm curious as to what other people think.

I spank my kids, aged 14 years-8 months. And no, I do NOT spank my 8 month old for those who will take that out of proportion. I believe a couple firm smacks on the rear end is necessary sometimes. I also do time outs, grounding, taking away privelages, etc. But sometimes those don't work and a spanking is a last resort. So, let me know what you think, and please, no "If you beat your child, etc, etc." I'm not talking about beating, I'm talking about spanking. There IS a difference.

Answer 1

I believe the way you do and do practically the same thing. I have been to several parenting classes and spanking is not against the law, unless it is anywhere besides the rear end, which is abuse. From what I have learned children seem to be more respectful to their parents when they are disciplined. Trust me I grew up in a family that did not discipline and know I did not want my children to be raised that way. I look at some of my littler brother and sisters and then look at my children and know that I really am doing an awesome job. Also, remember that discipline needs to be done out of love and not out of hatred or anger. We all as parents need to take a breather before we do the discipline. I hope I have been of some assistance for you. I think you are on the right track. Keep up the good work.

Answer 2

I think a lot depends on the child's personality and how you handle the education/reward/punishment system. Is the spanking working to train them out of the unwanted behavior or are they repeating the behavior over and over? If it's not working on the long-term as well as the short-term, then I would recommend some other gentler strategy, including trying to understand why they are doing it and helping them find more appropriate and satisfying behavior solutions. It takes more time, but it's worth it.

From child psychology and cognitive/behavioral studies, the best approach is education first, then rewards for good behavior, then punishment for unwanted behavior. Make sure they know what you expect of them before hand, both in what you don't want and what you do want. Make the boundaries clear.

Give lots of praise on a regular basis, even for the little things like remembering to dress warm on a cold day without being told....whatever... just so long as they hear more words of praise than words of criticism from you. They'll want to perform more for your praise and it will make you feel better, too.

Be careful of using spanking, especially as they get older. It can make them feel ashamed in unhealthy ways if used too harshly or too often. And always let them know why they are being punished in a calm manner. Also, let the anger and frustration go. Act the part of the disciplinarian when you must but let it go as soon as the punishment is done. Think of it as play acting for their benefit. If you don't get genuinely riled up you'll be much healthier and happier. The real grudges hurt worse than the punishment and those injuries don't heal so well.

Also, an awful lot can be resolved through talking once they get older. Sometimes they're just stressed over an issue with a bully, friend or teacher and just need someone to talk to about it and to hear that at least you are on their side. You don't have to fix all their problems, just let them know you care and that you love them. That can relieve an enormous amount of stress and prevent a whole lot of rule breaking.

As long as they know you've tried to engage their intellect first and that you respect and love them no matter what mistakes they make, whatever damage that may be done by appropriate spanking (if any at all) will be minimized. Good luck.

Answer 3

I believe you have to start the day you bring them home from the hospital learning who they are and teaching them who you are. Your eight month old has probably tried you to see if they could get away with something. You have to do something to let them know when their behaviors are not acceptable. If you try everything you can think of except spanking and it does not work, I don't think you have any choice but to spank them. They learn early on that if they continuously do a certain thing that you don't want them to do, they will get a spanking and they don't want to continue with the spanking, so they stop whatever they are doing.
You may have to remind them but they gradually learn what they can and cannot do.
As the children get older, the spankings are less effective and should be used less often. Older children get more stubborn and show more hostility after spankings because they think they are too old for it and it makes them feel embarrassed because they don't want to cry.
Even an eight month old child can be talked to. If you start with them from day one, you can build a connection with them. They may not understand everything you say to them at first, but keep talking to them and one day they will understand you. Always tell them what they are doing that you do not like and what you will do if they don't stop. May sure you do what you say you are going to do if you need to. Then as they get older and can verbalize better, ask them to tell you what they are doing wrong and what is going to happen if they don't stop. After the spanking or other chastisement, then ask them why they were punished and what should they have done differently?
Establishing this line of communication should help to give them a sense of accomplishment when they are able to avoid punishment because they have followed the rules and done as they were told. This also teaches them to exercise self control and not act impulsively.

Answer 4

I totally agree with spanking. You have to have some control. Maybe 14 is a little too old for spanking. But if your 8 month old is already crawling around and getting into stuff then they just need a pop on the hand or butt. You are right for gaining control and discipline, if more parents did this, the kids would not be such a mess. I think no discipline makes them feel like they have control over you and that they can do what they want. Then when they get older, they think they have norules because there are no consequenses to their actions.

Answer 5

We very much believe in spanking as either a last resort or if my girls break any of our core rules.
Yes we try other methods, but we believe that every parent should have sort of a "H-Bomb" of punishment. Spanking is our H-bomb. That being said, we our kind of old fashioned with spanking. For example, we don't call a spanking 1 or 2 swats on a covered bottom. For our girls spankings are done in privet, pants down over the lap for about a dozen good sharp spanks to the bottom. So ya we are a little old fashioned. But hay IT WORKS!!

Answer 6

I think so many people are against spankings b/c they see as something done out of anger and that is wrong. I have 2 children 8 and 14mths and i've given both of my kids spankings. I never do it out of anger and its just not something thats done and forgotten about. I've always explained why I did even when they were to young to understand, but now me and my daughter have a great understanding and I dont even have to spank her now..when i did i always told her how much I loved her and I wasnt being a good mommy if I didnt teach her right from wrong. Because i always talked to her about why I had to do what I did, all I have to do now is talk to her once and ishe doesnt do it anymore. With the baby he just doesnt understand how dangerous somethings are. All kids are different some the spanking works, others its timeout ..I just think it all depends on the child as to which form of dicipline works better for them.

Answer 7

My son is 7 years old now and I did spank him when he was younger. I don't mind a few spanks on the bum or on their little hands to stop them touching something they shouldn't be.

Once my son was old enough to understand what NO really meant then the spanking stopped, I think the last time he got a spank was at 4 years of age. At that time I started that scare tactic... If you don't stop I will count to 3.... I usually got to number 2 and he would then stop doing what he was doing and behave.... when he turned 6, the little bugger got smart and actually told me to count to 3 because he wanted to see what would happen. That made me laugh and I haven't used that since.

Now at age 7 he knows when I am serious and when I am not. He listens to me most of the time, it may take 2 goes at me telling him but when he sees my face he knows I am being serious.

I hate smacking in public I find that humiliating to the child and I especially hate paren'ts that SLAP their child. I have 2 friends that do that and I cringe when I see it happen.

One or 2 smacks on the bum or back of the legs is enough for most children to know you arent playing and to pay attention.

Answer 8

i think you should spank if the child is not old enough to fully understand reasoning, if you can sit down and talk about a problem then you shouldn't spank them in my opinion, i think that can be damaging, so the 14 y/o should be past the spanking stage for sure the 8 month old is a bit young.
I think that sometimes something physical is the only thing that can really be understood,and spanking is NECESSARY in raising children.

Answer 9

I have a 17 yr old , an 8 year old, and 1 year old. I have never laid a hand on any of them. I firmly believe that hitting anybody is wrong, and that you send the wrong message to your children. I think spanking is more to ease the parents frustration rather than trying to teach the child anything. But every parent has the right to make their own choice. Though I really think 14 is way to old to still be spanking.

Answer 10

YES!!There so is a difference! I'm exhausted after a really hard night at work and I WILL ramble. Please,bear with me.Disipline is a very touchy subject but that's because of "general" opinion polls that dictate that a harsh verbal warning follwed by a swat to the rear is excessive...whatever. You know why that's general opinion? It's cause I think as I do as do you but f'ed if I'll say that!!With all this anal retentive **** flying around, sure as snow is white that I would say,"Yes. I spank my kid.". Someone might hear of it & call C.S. on me. Like I need the hassle!What I'm trying to say is YES! give your kid A spank, A cuff, A slap if situation dictates. If you doubt me then you know what? Your kid might be one of the many that have no respect for: themselves, elders, authority, guidelines, deadlines, consequences, hard working people. I'm sorry, my youngest brother is almost 10 yrs. younger than me and some {NOT ALL} of the kids he went to school with...Damn! Wow. The **** they say, do & get away with..I would've contemplated it but I wouldn't say it. A little reinforcement is never a bad thing.