we think he may have aspergers syndrome. it is absolutely impossible to come to an agreement with him he has his set way of doing things and noone can convince him otherwise. we've been going to therapy but i don't think he can change. he is making both me and my daughter very very depressed and we want out. he said he wanted out at one point to. we almost called the relationship quits the other weekend but decided to give it another chace. i know he's a good person but he goes about everything the wrong way and i don't think i can take it any longer. i don't know if i should say enough with it and leave or stick around and see if we can work things out. help please!
2006-10-20 19:03:20 · 22 answers · asked by elsie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No marriage vows in the world demand you to stay with someone who is consistently abusive and unreasonable. OF COURSE you should get out. Nice job keeping your daughter involved with this for this long.
Just beware, he may become sweet if you leave. DON'T fall for it.
2006-10-20 19:07:52 · answer #1 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need a trial separation. You can often see things much more clearly when you are on the outside looking in. Right now you and your daughter are caught up right in the middle of it and it's hard to be objective. If you decide to separate not only will you be able to see things more clearly but it will give the three of you a chance to take a breather from the stress of constant fighting and reassess how you really feel about each other. There's no rule out there that says if you separate you have to make it permanent. You can still "give it another shot" after things have cooled off and you have all come to a mutual decision about what is best for the family.
Praying for you to make the right decisions! God bless you & your family!
"For nothing is impossible with God."
Luke 1:37 (New International Version)
2006-10-20 19:18:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, since you appear to have kept some communication between you and your husband, see how things would go if you guys separated for now. Do the financial planning. See if both parents can't stay in close proximity to the child.
He is threatened by his daughter growing up. With Asperger's the idea that a subordiante can become an equal is threatening. Maybe all you have to do is get through the next several years, and once she is no longer in the home for him to vent at, then your marriage would be more stable. Try to think outside the box. Not all your choices have to be black or white.
2006-10-21 04:32:07 · answer #3 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with JoJo. This man needs help. So do you and so does your daughter. Please DO NOT just leave him. Your daughter will be fine. She has already been exposed to him for 16 years and the damage is already done. Leaving will not change that.
Please have him take an anger management class (even if he is not angry, he will learn other lessons here). He sounds like he is depressed and is taking it out on you and your child.
Have him get on an anti depressant temporarily while continuing to go to counseling.
Encourage your child to get involved in sports or other outlets that will boost her self esteem.
Have the entire family sit down and write a list of the things each one loves about the other.
Help him feel good about himself by offering compliments, lots of loving and kind words.
Sometimes life is a vicious circle (SHE SAYS: I'm bitchy because he won't spend time with me; HE SAYS: I won't spend time with her because she's bitchy.) Someone has to break the circle. Take a look at how you can help do this.
2006-10-20 19:39:46 · answer #4 · answered by Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All the above answers are bullshit,,,,,,,,,, why would you want to disolve a 20 year marriage, ecspecialy if you think he may have some kind of sickness ? How would you feel if he just packed up and left when you started minopause just because he couldnt stand your pissy *** attitude or your smart *** mouth. Evidently he is willing to try or he wouldnt be going to counseling with you..
When you took your wedding vows it didnt say for better or worse, or until i get sick of your sorry *** and decide to call it quits, IT SAID for better or worse through sickness and health until death do us part. I guess now a days when people get married they shouldnt even have any wedding vows cause they dont seem to mean a damned thing any more, just empty words to most people. Jesus Christ why dont you get a clue and grow up.
2006-10-20 19:20:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you stay and let him continue to do this then you are showing your child that you will choose him over her...this will come back to haunt you in later years. It could go several differenet ways but is it worth loosing your daughter over him? Maybe if you did leave it would be a wake up call for him. You only have a child once, spouse can be replaced but not your kids. And what does your daughter think?
2006-10-20 19:37:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this has been going on for so long I suggest you do one or two things:
1/ Find a new pathway to dealing with his problem (as the one being used IS NOT WORKING)
2/ Give it up as a lost cause.
But be sure that you have honestly used all available options before ending this.
*that is - unless you don't think the marriage is WORTH saving???
2006-10-20 19:09:07 · answer #7 · answered by Buttercups 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At sixteen, if she doesnt choose to pass then theres incredibly no longer something neither can do approximately it. He can threaten all he needs to or maybe take you returned to court docket over this (it is once you elevate all his threats and each little thing that is going on whilst she is there to the choose). no longer something will take place on your newborn help as no longer even the choose could make her pass if she doesnt choose to, extremely if she has in simple terms clarification for no longer doing so. additionally the police cant do something approximately this because it is previous their features except something unlawful is in touch. The legalsystem is on your area right here yet shop an in intensity record of any touch you have with dad and any witnesses will help if this does finally end up in court docket. stable success
2016-10-15 06:19:22 · answer #8 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read what you wrote and you will see the light beyond your words. You have known the answer all along, but expect to hear that everything will be OK. You live once, but an unhappy life it's like if you had never lived at all.
2006-10-20 19:54:08 · answer #9 · answered by Shorty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is called Ahole syndrome... no he is not a good person... and if he hurts your kid... how can you stand by and let it happen? When a mother does not protect her child... what does that say about you? It says you condone what is being done to your daughter... that you think it is ok to continue....
Take her away and you both need to get some healing started
2006-10-20 19:07:37 · answer #10 · answered by Blondie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋