My best friend died and I don't know how to deal with his girlfriend. She doesn't seemed too upset about it. I feel like I was the most upset person. She hasn't cried or anything. How do I tell her or should I ever tell her that her boyfriend and I once had something together. I want to be close to her and their child because I know that's what he would want. Should I talk to her about it or not?
2006-10-20 18:52:16 · 18 answers · asked by Jennifer W 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
That is a tough one.....sorry for your loss..I guess if i were me, I would try to get closer to her and the baby and develope a friendship..see how that goes, you may be surprised and then mat even feel like opening up..My heart goes out to you all..
2006-10-20 18:58:12 · answer #1 · answered by heandI 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you talking about the two of you having an affair? If so I think that I would keep it from his girlfriend, that is if you would ever like to see the child.
You question is somewhat evasive. Did you have a sexual relationship with him or a platonic relationship with him?
Maybe she does cry at night when no one is around. Maybe she is still in shock because of the loss of her boyfriend.
Some people are able to hold things in when there are people around and then breakdown when they are all alone. You shouldn't judge her by saying that she hasn't cried because you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Maybe she is just putting up a strong front in front of everyone but when they are gone she falls apart. Please don't judge her, she obviously loved him enough to have his child.
As for the homosexual relationship that you are referring to I wouldn't tell her...let sleeping dogs lye. Do you really believe that your friend would want you to tell her that? Think about it before you say anything about it to her. Good Luck
2006-10-21 02:24:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never tell her that you and him had something once. That is downright mean and inhuman.
She might be in such shock that she appears to not be grieving.
She might be very private and does her crying in private.
Some people want to talk about the one they lost and others don't.
Also, some people who lose somone that close to them want to cut off all ties to those who remind them of their loss.
My son died at the age of 21. Some of his friends didn't react the way I thought they would. Some have done well and others haven't. His wife pretty much doesn't want to be around any of the family. She hasn't always shown her sorrow, but she has grieved very deeply.
Give this woman time, and be open to her and get a clue from her if she wants to grive with your or not.
2006-10-21 02:13:38 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes bringing up old wounds hurts a relationship. If this was in the past before they got together then no that is your business. About the girlfriend not showing her emotions, some people are in shock and wont cry for a long time until something happens then watch out the water is turned on. People grieve in many ways and now is not the time to bring it up.
2006-10-21 01:57:18 · answer #4 · answered by melo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be mean in any way, but could there be a chance that she did not feel good about you being his "best friend" being a female and all? I feel for all of you, but this sounds like a touchy story. Sounds to me, she is keeping her emotions "in" perhaps when you might be around maybe. How would you like to hear from another female that your man had a thing with her right after he passed? You wouldn't. Just by letting her know you are there if she needs you is great, but to keep letting her know he was YOUR best friend is probably pretty painful for her to hear right now especially. Mainly too because she's the one who did have a child by this man. That's a ultimate faith of love for a woman. Please don't take this wrong, just try to look at it from a different view point.
2006-10-21 03:47:46 · answer #5 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People grieve differently. Just because you don't see her crying doesn't mean she doesn't cry behind closed doors. She may be putting up a strong front in public.
Tell her you're sorry for her loss. Give her a hug and tell her he was your best friend. Offer to be there for her. Ask her if there's anything she needs. Give her your cell number in case she feels like talking. In a couple of days call and ask her if she'd like to get a soda.
Don't mention anything about you having been with her guy. No good would come of it.
My heart goes out to all of you.
2006-10-21 02:06:55 · answer #6 · answered by messageboardjunkie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't tell her unless she asks and then only if you really feel you should. Other than that yes, try to be close to her and their child. Whether or not she shows it, she needs help and so do you. Maybe together you could both heal better and you would be doing what your best friend would want.
2006-10-21 02:01:16 · answer #7 · answered by Cassandra 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't rush into things right away.. I mean he just died. Leave time for mourning and grief. Be friends with his girlfriend and don't judge people. Some people who are in shock can't show emotions and we you guys become closer and you feel like its the time..talk to your friend and maybe you guys can talk about memories you each shared with your best friend.
2006-10-21 04:26:32 · answer #8 · answered by Kgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't DEAL with his girlfriend! Her level of grief is just different than yours. Even if she didn't seem emotional by crying she is dealing with it her own way. He's gone do not mar the relationship they had by bringing up something which would cause her MORE pain. Let her cherish what she had and you do the same.
2006-10-21 04:45:20 · answer #9 · answered by tamara.knsley@sbcglobal.net 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so sorry about your loss...see no reason to share your past with his girlfriend..doesn't do anything positive and may hurt her...best that she know that you are there for her anytime she needs help or a shoulder..people grieve in many different ways..no one way is the right way..so if she isn't crying, she may be in private..or perhaps she's just too much in shock...patience be patient
so sorry
2006-10-21 04:44:35 · answer #10 · answered by OliveRuth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋