My husband works almost ten hours everyday, he comes home walks the dog and sits on the couch and watchs be struggle with the kids........i want him to have a bond with his children but he wont do it.....i ask him to do more with the kids and he says he doesn enough by prviding for the house.....thats not quality time...help!!!
2006-10-20 17:16:11 · 13 answers · asked by ? 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
How old are your kids? Sometimes men do better when the kids are over three or so. it's so important, you are right, and he will regret it big time for being so lazy and selfish (there's no other way to look at his behavior.)
he might be taking the easy way out, too afraid to do a better job with his kids than was done for him. afraid of being disloyal by admitting kids need more and afraid of his kids not really liking him.
of course, if they are over 2, they are dying for attention from him.
btw, quality time is not as good as lots of time - one good interaction a month is not enough.
he can start small by reading with them daily, by taking a walk with them daily, by doing chores with them daily. he can play board games with them, walk in the woods and talk about leaves, he can include them in his interests - does he have nay besides tv?
maybe he's depressed, maybe he's a lazy bum, maybe he's a bad man who doesn't give a darn what his kids suffer from his neglect. only you and he know.
you truly can't make him do this, and you will have huge resentment and anger and disappointment at him if he doesn't, but you're kinda stuck here because breaking up their home is even worse than a dad who provides but doesn't interact.
you have to stress to him that you hurt for what you're babies are missing - him. ask what you can do to help him have more time with them. and honestly assess what he does offer.
will he go on outings with you if you plan them? petting zoos? museums, hikes, volunteer outings - family ball games.
2006-10-20 18:51:44 · answer #1 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Kinda difficult this...... it could also be he's kinda exhausted from working all day (I know I would be, if only someone would give me a job)... but a few ideas to encourage him:
1) Presuming either of his parents are still around, and you're on speaking terms with them, perhaps drop this into conversation with them if you happen to be on the phone to one of them while he's at work.
2) Try suggesting to him that the pair of you need to go to couple therapy (guys hate that) because of it.
3) After you've sent the kids to bed, flop down on the couch, moan about being exhausted looking after the kids all day without any help, then finish it off by saying something like "which is a pity, 'cos if I wasn't so exhausted I'd be giving you wild sex right about now"
4) Perhaps arrange a family day out somewhere, and tell him he's going whether he likes it or not.. then while out there, try find a way to get him to join in playing with the kids (e.g. a ball game or something), then with a bit of luck he'll realise maybe actually helping with the kids can be great.
5) Do you often watch re-runs of the comedy series "HOME IMPROVEMENT" with Tim Allen? If your husband watches it and kinda likes it..... wait for a scene where Tim's doing something with the kids, then drop in a subtle hint, such as "why can't you be more like him?"
6) There's a book on Fatherhood written by Bill Cosby, which I've heard is supposed to be very good....... perhaps get that for your husband this christmas (presuming you celebrate it), or his birthday if that comes sooner.
The title is "Fatherhood" by Bill Cosby (ISBN 0425097722) - gets a 5star rating on Amazon.
If you do get it, make sure he reads it.
7) If you've got some other friends with kids, and their partner is still around and actually helps with the kids... and your husband gets on with him, then perhaps arrange for them to come over to dinner..... and without your husband knowing, pre-arrange with them to drop the subject matter of "how great it is to help out with the kids" into the conversation at some point.
2006-10-20 20:53:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW!! I don't know... My husband has ALWAYS been eager to spend as much time as he can with our boys, even when they were infants.
But, I have an Uncle who never wanted a child & did everything possible to ignore him his entire life.
I'm not saying that is the situation you are in, I am simply saying that I have seen this before & the situation never changed.
Without sounding snide, see if you can get him on BRAWNY ACADAMY!! If you pointing things out are not helping, maybe someone else pointing out what a jerk he is being & ALL of the special times he is missing, maybe it would do something......
What was his relationship with his father like??? Were they the same way??? That may be the problem. He was never taught how to be a"DAD". That was my Uncle's problem as well. His family was cold & distant with each other & others as well.......
2006-10-20 18:22:59 · answer #3 · answered by More Lies & More Smoke Screens 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly there is nothing you can do but tell him how you feel. Men sometimes dont share that bond we do with there kids. He will come around hopefully sooner then later. Let him know you want your children to have memories with him not just remembering dad sitting on the couch and paying more attention to the dog.
2006-10-20 17:25:01 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Brown 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AM so sorry about the situation you find yourself and the kids. It is a very bad thing to experience especially the kids having missed their father all day hoping to jump on him and have a father children chat in the evening but all to nothing! it hurts my dear. But, I think you should talk to him about it. Let him see how you feel about it even if it means going on your kneels to beg him. And do pray about it to as there isn't anything impossible for God to do. Tell him to change your husband for good, and trust me, he will change and your family will be what you want it to be. Don't give up on him.
2006-10-20 22:35:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Threaten to leave him if he doesn't spend more time with the kids. If he thinks you are serious he might change his ways. Sounds like he is too tired to do anything. Does he have atleast Sundays off?
2006-10-20 17:26:24 · answer #6 · answered by ♥c0c0puffz♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's simple, get a job so he doesn't have to work so hard and then maybe he will spend time with the kids
2006-10-20 22:23:40 · answer #7 · answered by nbr660 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are correct, it is not enough. Many men fall into that same classification. And as a guy I can not tell you why. My advise to you is find someone that wants to be a father.
2006-10-20 17:26:58 · answer #8 · answered by Echelon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
withhold sex. Or tell him how important it is for him to be involved with his kids lives and how it could lead to delinquency or how it would really mean alot to your kids if he sent time with them. Try playing a game, board game, cards, or going to a ballgame. Find an activity that they would all enjoy and plan a day where they are all going to hang out.
Good luck.
2006-10-20 17:26:22 · answer #9 · answered by Blue Queen 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's probably not much you can do for him except maybe tell him that he is going to be all alone as soon as the kids are grown.
That might scare him - it might not.
Sorry,
A
2006-10-20 18:52:59 · answer #10 · answered by Alan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋