Ok, my parents divorced after 20 years of marraige. I am 19. They have been divorced for about 3 years. My mom is remarried and my dad is not. So, recently my aunt's new husband passed away due to a heart attack,.... I called my REAL dad right away becuase,... he loves my aunt like family,... we all used to be close,... well when I told him,... he immediatly wanted to go to the funeral and pay respects and give her some $$$$,... he met my aunts husband at my sisters wedding. I told my mom and she said: No, dont invite him,... just let him give a donation. But I didnt listen,... I went with my REAL dad. She was real upset,... the WHOLE family were happy to see him, since many havent seen him since the divorce. And now my mom dosnt want to call me and my stepdad said he was real hurt.... what do u think?
2006-10-20 17:14:57 · 25 answers · asked by Justme 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
WOW! Thank you ALL for your kind words.
2006-10-20 17:23:01 · update #1
Ok, it seems like more details are needed. My parents divorce was very clean. My dad NEVER says anything bad about my mom and vice versa. The few times they have seen each other was with me or my sister and they get along, this was the 1st time they had ever seen eachother while my setpdad was there
2006-10-20 17:26:33 · update #2
I've been in similar situations with my parents and they've been divorced much longer and I'm 31. It's still awkward. I've always followed my heart, just like you, and I feel that your mom needs to grow up. That funeral wasn't about her, it was about your Aunt and her loss. As long as she was happy to see him, it doesn't matter what your mom thinks. You did the right thing...and you are way more mature than I was at your age.
2006-10-20 17:19:24 · answer #1 · answered by Jen B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is difficult to say since I do not know the parties invovled or really how things have played out in the past. I can only go by what you have said here. From that I'd have to say that your mom and step dad are being petty. It sounds like your dad was sincere in wanting to pay his respects. The aunts and other family members seemed to appreciate him being there. I think that is all that matters. This isn't about your mom. It is about your aunt who just suffered a major loss. If she was happy to have your dad there then I say that is a good thing. I'm not at all sure why your stepdad would even be hurt over something like this. I don't mean any disrespect as I do not know these people but I think your mom and stepdad need to get over themselves and consider how other people feel. They're creating drama where there need be none.
2006-10-20 17:21:11 · answer #2 · answered by Amelia 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if this is all there is to the story, that your mother is acting childish. Your step dad is following suit. If he's only been in the picture for 3 years (or less), then he's not been a part of your family like your dad has. I think it's extremely sweet that he felt the need to attend the funeral and be there for your aunt in her time of need. Chances are your mother is hurt from the loss of her brother-in-law and is saying some less-than-mature remarks. Take the high road and wait it out. Your mother would be a fool not to come around and miss out on her daughter's life. Best wishes!
2006-10-20 17:20:57 · answer #3 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, sorry about ur problem. U know, he IS your REAL dad, right? and "was" a part of your family(well, still is part of yours). Anyways, without him, u never would have been here. People should respect that. Whether or not ur parents r still together, he did know ur aunt and I'd say for a long time. I'm sure he had likings for her and her husband, right? In my opinion, he had the right to be there. He's just showing his respects!! That's what people do when someone they care for passes. Don't let it bother u. I know that's gonna be hard to do. Your people will 4get about it. They'll come around. Give it time. Good luck!
2006-10-20 17:22:15 · answer #4 · answered by renee 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I think you did a natural thing, he's your dad. Then your mother needs to get over it and live the new life she decided to have when remarried. I believe that she's been a little selfish, this was not about her, so is not OK for her to decide over some one else feelings, after all your dad was part of the hole family for 29 years what does she expect that just because she divorced the guy all other bonds with every body and specially yours with him are going to vanish. OH I DON"T THINK SO !!! she really needs to get over it. About your step dad I don't need to say a whole lot. He does NOT GET TO SAY CRAP ABOUT ANYTHING THAT CONCERNS YOU & YOUR DAD, those are not his issues and he needs to stop the bullsh** of trying to manipulate you and your mom with the crap that he's hurt.
2006-10-20 17:26:57 · answer #5 · answered by wanna_help_u 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mom and step dad are being extremely selfish. After all you real dad and mom have been divorced for 3 years, and she is remarried. Your dad ought to have been able to go to the funeral as at one time he WAS family, and probably loves them very much.
2006-10-20 17:19:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think your mother needs to grow up. If your dad was close with your aunt there is no reason whatsoever that he could not be there at the funeral. It seems as though it is your stepdad who has a problem with it. He needs to grow up too. Im sure your mother will get over it soon....you made the correct decision...hang in there sweetie.
2006-10-20 18:35:13 · answer #7 · answered by babyj248 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there should be no reason your mon and stepdad should be upset over this matter. they need to over look the past and move on as it sounds like they have except for this matter. you are all still family and in your situation you were trying to keep family together and i think you done the right thing and it sounds like your dad's rest of the family and friends though you done the right thing also.your mom and stepdad have to realize you still have family close relationship with your dad and you should. i know they will realize you done the right thing it may just take time. best of luck to you Stay close to your family never give up and remember your mom, stepdad and dad love you no matter what.
mamajmheenan@yahoo.com
2006-10-20 17:44:50 · answer #8 · answered by greathramjh 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Truly, I think your mom needs to grow up. I think you are totally right and your REAL dad didn't divorce the whole family, just your mom. She needs to accept that your dad will always be a part of these events. What is she going to do when you get married?
2006-10-20 17:19:01 · answer #9 · answered by me 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think your mom and step-dad are being selfish and making your aunts death about them. It isn't about them. You were right in asking your dad to go. He was paying his respects to your aunt. The funeral is for people to remember your aunt, to love her, to appreciate her and to be able to say goodbye.
You are fortunate to have a father that has integrity. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Follow your fathers example.
2006-10-20 17:41:23 · answer #10 · answered by Honey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋