How can I go to church?

Question

I believe in God and would like to start going to a Christian church. The problem: I have been living with my finance for five years. We have two children together and I want them to grow up knowing God. We live in a very rural area. My boyfriend doesn't really believe in God. I convinced him to try going to church with me and he agreed. When we went we were told that because sex before marriage is wrong if we weren't willing to get married within a month or so we weren't welcomed back. At other churches now it seems everyone is so disapproving that he wont even try any other churches.
My question: Should I wait to go to church until we are married? I would like to be married in a church but hate the feeling of being judged because I made a poor choice to live with someone before being married.
For financial reasons we are waiting another year before getting married. I want a nice wedding, and wont just go to the justice of the peace as the preacher suggested. Any help?

Answer 1

God loves you and accepts you just the way you are. Do not be discouraged that people are telling you that you cannot be accepted because you are a sinner: these people are lying to you. More important than finding the right chuch is establishing a strong relationship with the Lord. After you do this, He will guide you to the right place. Ask Him to come into your heart, to purify you, and make your character perfect (scripture tells us this is possible and necessary through God). You cannot do this by your own means, the only thing you can do is ask God to do it, and believe with all your heart that He will.
If these people are telling you that you are unacceptable, they are lying to you and completely missing the point of being a Christian: did the Lord Jesus Christ come to this earth to save the righteous, or did He come to save the sinners? Read John 8:11, John 3:16-17. They are being not as stepping stones and helping you find the Lord, but as stumbling blocks, hindering you in your path to spiritual development. They should read John 7:8 and realize that they shouldn't hinder you, but encourage you in your efforts to come to know God. Clearly, they are not the church for you.
I will pray for you that you may develop and grow as a Christian. If you have any questions or find yourself in need of help in your search, just send me a message and I will try to supply Scripture to help you. God bless sister!

Answer 2

It's a shame that some "Christians" ain't very Christian. The Bible says, "Judge not lest ye be also judged" and "Let he without sin cast the first stone." Sometimes people in a church get caught up in themselves. It's called 'holier than thou', and those people are gonna have a rude awakening on Judgement Day. If the Rapture occurs on a Sunday, there's gonna be a lot of full church houses. Full of folks like you described. Yes, your living arrangement is "living in sin", but that should more the reason for real Christians to accept you into the fold. Jesus loves you anyway. Your sin pains Him, but He still loves you. That's what I was brought up believing. My uncle would welcome ya'll at his church. He would say you need to be married, but he wouldn't say to come back when you were. That's just the type of man he is. As far as your boyfriend goes...there is a God whether he wants to believe it or not. Native Americans believed in the Great Spirit. Even in Greek mythology it was told to Zeus that he would be over thrown (as he did his father) by a son that would become the one god. (That's what my teacher told us when I took the class a long time ago...it's just not taught.) Also, a lot of preachers will not marry people who are living together in adultry. I had one tell me he had reservations about marrying me and my third wife because we had been divorced....which is something God does not like. Anyway, not all Christians are buttheads. Don't give up hope.

Answer 3

Good question Lynsey!

First off your focus shouldn't be on the church itself. Change your focus first towards God. Get right with Him first. This means that you might have to make some changes that might "rock the boat" a little. I see that you recognize that you made mistakes in the past, I know God sees your heart and your motives to make things right. He loves honest people especially people who recognize the error of their ways. Repent before Him, BOTH YOU AND YOUR FINANCE and the Lord will forgive you. Agree, both you and your finance, that you'll do everything with the grace He's given you to get back on the right path. Don't look to the church for guidance, especially Protestant churches because they all seem to disagree about issues like this. If one church won't except you than another will. The problem with that is you don't know who right! My suggestion is to follow EXACTLY what scripture teaches. Then once the Lord has given you discernment turn to the church.

This is and can be a difficult time and issue to deal with. Be patient and know that God loves you and your finance very much and is willing to get everything straightened out.

Answer 4

Please do not let rejection from that so called Christian faculties stop you. Continue going, continue searching !!!!!!! You should have been welcomed with open arms into the church both you and your family. Because of that one mistake some people would never attend church again. I believe that everyone has something in their closet that they don't want anyone to know. Even now something that they need to stay on the altar for. NO ONE has the right to judge, how do we know what another person problem is? DON"T GIVE UP, be encouraged, I'm praying for you. God Bless

Answer 5

The Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).

I am a Christian and if there's one thing I can tell you, it's that God knows the intent and content of your heart, your situation, and that He sees you are sincerely seeking Him. We all have pasts that we're not proud of. No Christian is exempt (no matter how judgmental some may seem). When you give your past to Christ by believing in Him and repenting of your sins, He cleans your slate clean. It doesn't mean your past sins are without consequences (e.g. from the law, broken relationships, etc.), but it means that you have been saved, forgiven, and are no longer under judgment.

I would love to see you get married someday and establish your family the way that is honoring to God. But keep on seeking and walking with Him. Don't let your situation stop you from finding and going to a true Christian church that really teaches the Bible, for such believers will never turn you away. I belong to a Christian evangelical church and our church is not in the habit of telling people they are not welcome to come to worship. I've never heard of anything so un-Christlike.

Answer 6

I don't understand. How do the people at church know about your living situation? Is it because in the area you live in everyone knows everyone else or something?

The other thing I don't get is how they could tell you that you can't come back to listen to the services? I've never heard of a Christian church that wouldn't let people come in to listen to the sermons. I can see them telling you that you couldn't become official members of the congregation until you got married but not that you couldn't come to hear the preacher.

Anyhow, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Maybe you are just going to the wrong church because none of the churches I know about in my area would treat someone like that. I belong to a non-denominational church http://www.alcf.net

Do you have one in your area, or a Baptist church maybe? In the mean time, if you want to let your children listen to some great Bible teaching in a way that always leaves you encouraged then check out my Pastor @ http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/enduring_truth/archives.asp

Answer 7

you can alwys visit a church, if it is really a christian church, you'll always be welcome.

you dont have to be conscious of others, if they are really christians, then they won't judge you, instead they'll help you.

im a catholic, and i am always welcome, it is not an issue.
you're there to talk to GOD. you need to spend some time with HIM, to talk tohim, and say what you want.." just ask HIM, and you shall receive remember?" seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened for you.

you can start by reading a bible. you'll be enlightened.

if you really want to get married in the Church, just repent to GOD, and make a covenant with HIM.

you can get married without being extravagant, it's not how it should look.. but it's about a blessing that the two of you has been blessed by GOD, and bless you with Marriage and not a wedding.

people can make a wedding, but only GOD can make marriage.

GOD bless! =)

Answer 8

First of all its so wrong for a church to refuse you like that because we are supposed to be like God which means we are supposed to do what He would do and He would not have thrown you out. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. All you need to focus on is how God sees you. If your spouse does not want to go to church then you should take a step back and put your trust in God for it. God says that when we come to Him we come alone. The best thing you can do is find a good spirit filled church where the presence of God lives and get yourself right with Him. We all have to come to Christ alone and so does your spouse. All you should think about at this moment is doing what you have to do to fix the gap in your life with God. Once your spouse sees the changes in you He will thirst after the Lord but its all going to happen in his own timing.

Answer 9

Why not go to a JP. It doesn't have to be big and fancy. Keep it quiet. In a year when you have maybe found a church you can still have a formal wedding.

If this is the only reason you are not married now, I would like to know..... WHY? What about the kids? Have you ever thought aabout what would happen if something happened to either one of you?

Put your personal wants aside and do what is best for the children.

Answer 10

I am sorry to hear that. There are bad churches just like there are bad people. I am afraid you just happened onto a bad one. Keep looking cause there are plenty that are not so judgemental and don't let this experience keep you from doing what you know is right. It may be wrong to be together and not married but everyone sins and people in churches are no different. It makes me sick to think that some of them are still so close minded that they would rather turn people away and feel self righteous instead of trying to help them.