About a year ago he was diagnosed with cancer. He's gotten through that, but the chemotherapy left him with lupus. Now, we talk all the time, we are deeply in love, we usually get to see each other at this point about once a week (right now it's been nearly two, which is probably why I feel so awful right now).
How do you deal with this? How do you deal with someone who is sick? How do you deal with the pain of watching them suffer, knowing there's nothing you can do about it? Yeah, I've been going through it in varying degrees for a year. But I have nobody around me who can relate to this...anyone out there who's been through this before?
To everyone I've been curt with tonight...I apologize. This is weighing on me heavily right now and it's affecting my mood.
Also, the only support group for this sort of thing that fits with my weird work schedule and is less than an hour away doesn't want me because we're not married. We don't live together.
2006-10-20 16:55:30 · 7 answers · asked by angk 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
We don't live together due to a number of factors, mostly current job/school stuff, but he's had one bad, brief experience with marriage and even living together is still a little too much for him just yet (which is OK by me).
2006-10-20 17:04:42 · update #1
gsprealover: Note I have mentioned that I have been dealing with this for a year. Every day I give him happy conversation at the least, and I'll drive an hour to his house to help him out with anything if need be. Is it wrong for me to be asking for some support in this? I'm not even asking for support, just a way to deal. I love him. If I didn't I would have left long ago.
I think I'm actually rather offended by that remark.
2006-10-20 17:11:49 · update #2
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry that you are going through this & have no one to talk to or comfort you. I have been through this a few times, with both my parents & my son-in-law who also has lupus(diagnoised about 1 year ago) When a loved one is sick & you're a caregiver it can be very difficult, and the caregiver is sometimes over looked as needing some care too. I learned from not only working as a CNA in hospitals you need to keep not only your health strong, but your spirits, or you'll be no good to the one your trying to help. As far as the one you love, find out as much as you can about lupus & talk about it with him. Next I know from my son-in-law they get very tired & run down easily help him when you can. Maybe go there on the weekends & help him clean, or fix meals for the week. Emotional support is different for everyone, but everyone needs it. Just him knowing you are there for him will help enormously. And pray together, love each other & continue to support each other.
2006-10-20 19:19:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be easier if you lived together. That sounds strange but then you could be there to actually do something for him and you'd feel less depressed. Go see him as much as possible and listen to his concerns or just be together in silence.
My husband was so sick in 1994 he came close to death and his path back was long and hard on both of us. To do things for him helped me feel like we were dealing with the problem together.
Also when your boyfriend is sick you should feel down too. It is normal.
2006-10-21 00:02:11 · answer #2 · answered by a_delphic_oracle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am afraid I cannot relate to you at all, but I do want to say what a great person you are for standing by the person you love in their time of need. That is what my definition of "true love" is.
Best of luck to the both of you :)
2006-10-20 23:58:55 · answer #3 · answered by Not_a_toothless_pirate 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as sasquatch's daughter,
Life is something that can be taken away at anytime. you should always honor someones life and accomplishments wether theyre living or dead. never feel sorry for him but always be willing to help. when you pity someone it just makes them feel patronized and helpless. just be there for him and always find ways to remind him that you love him. this will mean more to him than you might think.
2006-10-21 00:25:15 · answer #4 · answered by Ol' Sasquatch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. It sounds like you are only thinking about yourself. And you should feel bad. He needs friends, people who love him and help him think about whatever, anything but his illness to make him happy to make him feel better. Think about him, what does he need?
2006-10-21 00:08:53 · answer #5 · answered by gsprealover 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Support him,Love him and take every second you can together.
Never forget,your support and love helps him in his pain.
I wish you both well
2006-10-21 00:00:56 · answer #6 · answered by rosbif 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave it in GOD's hands and count your BLESSINGS!
2006-10-20 23:59:55 · answer #7 · answered by godsbank27 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋