this really isn't a question its a plea for help, I feel so stupid, I am crying because I told myself if I got

Question

back together with him I would not spend another night wondering where he was or who he was with. I know I am the crazy lady in all of this and I should be okay, but I am not okay. we have had a rough past and a good past and now are trying to patch it up but yet he is out with his friend tonight and I am at home with the kids and sad and lonely. I know who is dumb here its me I know. just wondering if there were any other ladies out there who are tired of crying over the same sh** all the time? even after telling yourself if you got over him 1st thing is you wouldn't go back and 2nd thing is if you did you wouldn't spend another night like I am spending now.

please no mean responses tonight I am just lonely and needed to vent I realize I am the only one who can do anything about this.

Answer 1

Girl, I was in your shoes. I took back a guy who cheated on me. I spent many a lonely knight wondering if he was out with his buds or cheating on me. He was in a play and many times would tell me he would have to stay late and rehearse. Other times he was on the internet telling some 18yr old he loved her, but when confronted with this, he said it was some kind of game. But none the less you have to tell yourself that you are too good for this man. There are men out there who will treat you the way you are supposed to be treated. I know, I found myself a real jem. I have to ask God sometimes what I did the deserve such a wonderful man. But let me tell you, your lonely nights are not going to last. You are going to get tired fast of all the games, the lies, the cheating. But ultimately it has to be you that has to stand up and say enough is enough. You are a beautiful person, you dont deserve this. You should be out having fun yourself. But again, I know where you are coming from. There will be a brighter tomorrow. You just have to hold on for a little bit longer.

Answer 2

You are not alone. I went through this. When I first found out my ex- was cheating on me, it nearly destroyed me. I really loved him and I tried to do whatever I could to make him happy. We went through some very, very hard times but I stuck it out. About a year later, the same thing happened again. Again, I stuck in there and tried to work through the pain and the totally disorienting sense of loss. I wondered where he was and who he was with... it was totally unhealthy.

Then, one day, out of the blue, I suddenly understood I didn't deserve to live like that any more. There was no big fight scene leading up to it. I was just sitting at my computer one night feeling the heavy weight that my marriage had become around my neck and I suddenly knew deep down that I didn't have to live like that. I knew that the children I was trying to protect by staying together were going to see my relationship with him and think that was "normal". I knew that if I let it continue, they would get into similar relationships because I was setting the example. If it was ok for mom, then it must be "normal". Wrong. wrong. wrong.

I left that day. I got divorced about 6 months later. That was two years ago. Sure, it's been hard. 16 years is a lot to walk away from. But you know what? I don't cringe coming into the house anymore. I don't walk on eggshells anymore. I can breathe free and be myself.

I have no regrets. I am learning to respect myself. And I have given my children the example that fidelity, respect and honor are important in a marriage. How could I regret that?

Please remember that you cannot fully respect, love and honor another if you cannot first do them for yourself. I wish you peace and strength whatever you do.

Answer 3

hi, you responded on my question, so i presumed i might want to write on yours. This guy is a international type jerk, you comprehend that. and also you're accurate, you sound like an extremely impressive woman. notwithstanding the project isn't him anymore, it is your std, your infant and your destiny. concentration on that. you want to get some professional help. Ask your health center if there is any new treatment for the std and verify out to get some counselling from the community community center. you want to be sensible now, and make the right strikes to shop your life and your infant's. he's over, historic previous. you comprehend he's no longer for you, no longer for all of us for that count number. flow to a acquaintances' position perhaps. What about your moms and dads ? each and every thing will be ok. position self assurance in your self, be solid.

Answer 4

You poor thing. Get out and find real love, this isn't worth it, everyone has their love out there somewhere, and I also believe there can be more than one.

Obviously this isn't good for you ... look at yourself crying. Ask yourself - do I deserve this? Do I think I can't do better? Am I happy? If the answer is NO to any of these, then you need to get out and back out there.

It's hard, but it's best. Really. Your kids will be fine too, you shouldn't feel this way.

Answer 5

I feel for you. I have been there over and over. You are the only one who can do something about this, but you have to be ready. If you can't put your foot down and mean it, then it is no reason to do it.

Please know, there are men out there worthy of your love, friendship, companionship and trust. We just want the man that we love to change his ways for us and want to spend time with us and our children. But, once again, until he is ready to change his ways he is not going to.

I have been in several relationships like this, mainly my marriage. I promised myself that I would never lay in the same bed with a man and allow myself to feel lonely. Isn't that the worst feeling?

Do you trust your man? If you don't I am sure that you have good reason not to. If you chose to forgive him, then you need to forget (no matter how hard it is). That does not mean that he does not have to work for your trust back, though. You know your gut feeling.

I know that you want your children to be raised around a healthy relationship. If yours isn't, then staying with their father, or father-figure, is not helping your children.

Be safe and know that you are not alone in this world, even though you feel like it.

Answer 6

I am not a lady, and it sounds like you are punishing yourself enough.

Next time you are tempted to take him back (and you will be), remind yourself that he doesn't learn from your generosity, and he feels his behaviour is being rewarded by your charity.

You deserve better. Have faith that you will find better, and punish yourself no more for his selfishness. The fault is his, not yours.

Love and trust is no mistake. Only the betrayal of love and trust is a mistake. Remember that.

Answer 7

I know how you feel. Yea i may be young but i'm going throught sum what the same thing. Well yea i told myself those samethings, i cried myself to sleep MANY TIMES and told myself i would never do it again. I just did what my mom has done to my dad when sumthing like this happened to her. She called him all the time and asked where he was at, and who he was with. She asked him what time she was going to be home and to call her every hour. It's worked just fine with me, my relationship is getting better, and i have stopped crying.

Answer 8

dont cry and you are not lonely, you have kids. play with them. i remeber when me and my boyfriend werent speaking he would go off with his friends and leave me in the house by myself. mind you we have no kids. just rest your head and keep yourself busy till you fall asleep and rest assured that no matter where he is, he is coming home to you tonite!

Answer 9

Feel your pain. Been there, done that. I left four times, the fourth the last. and I am much happier.

Answer 10

AS LONG AS YOU KNOW THE TRUTH ................YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE DIG DOWN DEEP FIND FRIENDS OR FAMILY AND GET SOME SENSE AND GET OUT. THINK OF THE KIDS THEY ARE WHAT THEY SEE.........IF HE IS HURTING YOU THEY'LL HURT SOMEONE OR LET SOMEONE HURT THEM....STOP THE CYCLE ,.... REMEMBER ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE ANYTHING...........................WOMEN'S SHELTER,, CHURCH,,,, PASTOR,,,, POLICE,,,,,,,,,GET SOME SUPPORT AND FIND SOME HELP.....