What should I do?

Question

Ok, I caught my 16 year old daughter smoking outside our house one evening and when I confronted her with it she lied to me when i saw the burning cigarrette just under where she was sitting. So I grounded her. Then the next day I come to find out that she was smoking again cause I smelled it on her hands and for this i grounded her for a month. So she can learn her lesson. It been 13 days shes been with out phone and computer and she's dying She keeps begging me to let her off grounding. Should I ?

Answer 1

Grounding is good, but i heard the greatest idea for a punishment when you catch your kids smoking. Go buy a pack of cigs and make them eat all of them. That should cure them of smoking.

Good Luck

Answer 2

Grounding is not effective. Any time you take away from a teen after time goes by they no longer want it. So the longer she is without those items the less she will miss them.
Instead you should use positive reinforcement. If she does not smoke she can go with her friends somewhere or have a teen party or something else she likes.
Kids start smoking from peer pressure or curiosity. You need to find out how long she has been smoking. Sit down and have a talk with her (no argument no put downs no preaching) Ask her how long? Ask her why she does it? Tell her why you do not want her to smoke. Use examples: others who have smoked and had health problems or died or just plain stunk from it. It is also a costly habit. Cig companies prey on the young because they know if they get them now they have them for life. Tell her that. She is falling into there trap and the longer she smokes the harder it is to quit.
With my kids I always told them of their grandmother who died because smoking caused her aorta in her heart to explode. They never tried and they hate being around it.

Tell her you love her and do not want her to be on an oxygen tank in her 30's or 40's (like my sister in law). Make her a deal to quit. In the long run it is worth it if she quits.

If it was my teen I would tell her I know she can do it and if she stays clean for a year I will take her on a trip (special to her) You are rewarding instead of taking away.

Good Luck

Answer 3

I've been through the same thing with my son, who's now 23, and still smokes. The thing is, she likely hasn't just started. Whatever motivated her to start is still strong (peer pressure, etc), more so than your disapproval. To continue grounding her and/or seeking proof of her continual smoking will likely just cause her to lie to you and a problem in your relationship. Also, at her age, the consequences of smoking are not going to mean a whole lot ot her, as young people usually have a sense that they are indestructible. I am not a liberal parent and hate that my own son is ruining his health with smoking (as neither his father or I do) but I am saying that I think in the long run it will be a losing battle. Only from my experience would I say to choose another battle. If it were drugs or alcohol, then there are things such as rehab. As long as smoking is a legal drug in the US, I don't see much that you can do, unless you smoke yourself. Then I would recommend that you quit as an example to your daughter.

Answer 4

Absolutely not. Even if you feel like you may have been too harsh or are feeling guilty or sorry for her, you should never give in to her begging. If you do, she will never respect your authority, and she will believe that she can always have her way if she leans on you enough. The punishment should stand. I know it's difficult to have a rational discussion with a teen (because they know EVERYTHING and you don't), but it would really benefit her if you were able to discuss her smoking without arguing. If she is smoking alone in your yard, she may actually be a "smoker", not just a kid trying to be cool or fit in with her friends. You need to explain to her why it concerns you so much, how it will affect her health, her looks, her financial future, and her dating prospects, but without being completely autocratic or taking down to her. Let her know that someday, the decision will be hers to make, but that you hope she makes the mature one. You might also offer to help her quit or to enroll her in a smoking cessation program if she has a genuine problem.

Answer 5

Change the grounding IF SHE CAN TALK WITH YOU REASONABLY ABOUT YOUR REASON FOR GROUNDING HER AND WHY SHE WON'T DO IT AGAIN. Next time do not ground her for a specific time, but, rather, until she can demonstrate that she has learned from the intervention—you don't want her to learn to do time or manipulate the court. After that, it will take more than words to lift a grounding. Your goal is not to punish but to support her health and development.

Answer 6

no way, she was caught doing something technically illegal for her age, grounding her is a good thing dont back off, shes without a phone or a computer, she will get over it in the next 17 days. stay strong dont be her friend be her mother. if you give into her she will take advantage of that and have possibilities she will try and take advantage opf that later n the future

Answer 7

I told my children, the moment I find out you are smoking, you will never get another cent from me. The rest of it is because she lied.
Stick to your guns girl.... if that is the punishment you chose, you must follow it through. But always keep communication open. Ask her for her thoughts and feelings about smoking. Visit the cancer ward together. Get her to read stuff about lung cancer. talk to her kindly and with love. Walk away from her when she refuses to speak in a calm and respectful manner (it's the same as dealing with a tantrum in a 2 year old).

Answer 8

HELL NO! Taking up smoking is one of the worst things that a teenager can do. If you are lucky enough to catch this early you need to stop it NOW. Letting her off will only show compassion to her, but to her it will be weakness. And she will have her way to getting away with it again.

Answer 9

if you let up now she will think that she can get away with anything.. it will be hard but stay with the punishment but you can do it. its only been 13 days, the grounding wont kill her but the smokeing for 13 years just might.

Answer 10

ground her, than at the end of her grounding period, show her a picture of a pair of normal lunds, versus the lungs of a person who smokes. After seeing that, i am never going to smoke.