Any Christians want to here some great jokes? I know these are old, but they are funny, what do you think?

Question

Bible funnies:

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest Financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groannn...)

PS... Did you know it's wrong for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . . "Hebrews"

Answer 1

Those are goodies even if they're oldies! Here are some similar ones.

Don't let your worries get the

best of you; remember, Moses started

out as a basket case.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Some people are kind, polite, and
sweet-spirited
until you try to sit in their pews.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Many folks want to serve God, but only as
advisors.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


The good Lord didn't create anything

without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


When you get to your wit's end,
You'll find God lives there.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


People are funny; they want the

front of the bus, the middle of the road,
and the back of the church.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Opportunity may knock once, but temptation

bangs on your front door forever.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


If the church wants a better pastor,
It only needs to pray for the one it has.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


God Himself does not propose to judge a
Man until he is dead. So why should you?


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Some minds are like concrete thoroughly
mixed up and permanently set.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Peace starts with a smile.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

I don't know why some people

change churches; what difference does

it make which one you stay home from?!


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


A lot of church members who are singing
"Standing on the Promises" are just
sitting on the premises.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or
judges.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Be ye fishers of men. You catch them -
He'll clean them.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Coincidence is when God chooses to
Remain anonymous.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Don't put a question mark where God put a
period.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to
church.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Forbidden fruits create many jams.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies
the called



*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


God grades on the cross, not the curve.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


God loves everyone, but probably prefers

"fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


God promises a safe landing, not a calm
passage.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


He who angers you, controls you!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just
report for duty!


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


The task ahead of us is never as

great as the Power behind us.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


The Will of God never takes you to

where the Grace of God will not protect you.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


We don't change the message,
The message changes us.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


You can tell how big a person

is by what it takes to..........discourage him.


*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*


The best mathematical equation I have ever
seen:

1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.

Answer 2

yeah and they played baseball in the bible too--in genesis, it starts out with "in the big inning"--groan, is right

Answer 3

Ha....Ha..... Verry,verry funny

Answer 4

Hahaha...those were funny!!

God bless!!

Answer 5

Those were pretty awful.

Answer 6

Those are hilarious

Answer 7

o. kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Answer 8

it's cute

Answer 9

That was fun!

Answer 10

groan...