I don't know how to begin?

Question

My wife & I are separated, have been since June. Our home burned (Rental House) in March of 2006, we were broke and I had been depressed since 2002 I had taken out a rental policy & with all of my genious in me decided I would solve our problems! I couldn't take the secret anymore so I turned myself in I was charged with arson/ins fraud. I have a very good Attorney who says due to not ever having any past offences not even a speeding ticket I would in all likelihood get probation w/ restitution. Ok, my wife like I said and I are separated, but she didnt leave me due to the fire. I had a breakdown while she was in Indiana at a family reunion so I have therapy now and take meds, & have started going back to school. Should she have stayed with me or should I just move on without her? I'm very sorry for what I did and will be paying alot of restitution. I know this is a long drawed out post, just needed I gues to vent. I still love her but she just treats me like crap.

Answer 1

Never stay with anyone who treats you like crap. Once your self-esteem is better (hopefully you are working on this in therapy), you can start thinking about finding someone who won't treat you badly.

Until then, focus on yourself, and becoming the best person you can be.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Here is the deal. Do not make any MORE sudden moves for A YEAR, NONE,. Talk about these issues with your counselor. This is time to work on your own issues, not your wife's problems or even your relationship necessarily. You need to work on YOU. Don't do anything with the relationship for a YEAR, then decide. Right now you are too overloaded to make that decision. Sometimes the best thing to do is not do anything.

Answer 3

I think you are going to have to prove your self before any one is going to trust you again. Being sorry is good , paying restitution is good, but you will still have to prove that your are a responsible person, as for your wife, there is no harm in talking to her

Answer 4

i am one of those people.... i beleive in the vows, so my view might be skewed.... A break down is not a reason to leave, it is a reason to stay....however it sounds as if things were not great before this..... work on getting better and then discuss this with her..... she may decide to try again, or she may not, but until you are better....it is better for you to keep your distance.... good luck and be well.

Answer 5

Sounds as if you are starting over with a clean slate. It will be very difficult for you, but I think you should get on with your life without her.
As Red Green says, "We're pulling for you. Keep your stick on the ice."

Answer 6

I am divorced and it's difficult for a year or two maybe a little more but I realized it was actually for the better because I can work on myself and what do I really want from life, you need to concentrate on yourself and get better, then you can think about relationships. If she really doesn't want to work on your marriage, forget about her, like I said It'll take time but you need to concentrate on getting better. god bless.

Answer 7

Listen, everyone makes mistakes, and if your wife cant deal with it, its time to get a new life without her. she is the reason for your break down anyhow. so move on after you get the help you need.

Answer 8

the wedding vows your wife recited, hopefully included, ...in sickness and health... bailing out on you shows her lack of respect for you as her husband and as another human being. shame on her!
we are all capable of making mistakes, poor choices, etc. again the vows say, ....in good times and bad.... again, shame on her.
i have also lived through a breakdown and have felt the sting of a wife who did not support me during my crisis. in therapy during this time, i discussed separation/divorce with my pyschiatrist. he made me promise not to do anything until recovery occurred.
i truly detested this woman who abandoned me in my time of utmost need. her reaction to my emotional meltdown was, "get over it," "stop thinking about yourself all the time," and "i'm sick and tired of your need for attention."
i did recover; without her help. it was my greatest accomplishment in life, to date. i still see my psychiatrist on a monthly basis. that's how severe the depression was. he worked miracles for me.
when i felt recovery taking place, my psychiatrist revisited the topic of separation and/or divorce. he assured me i could have whatever decision i made. but, he also told me that my wife behaved and responded the way she did because she was frightened. she never had to become the head of the family, make all the decisions, do all the running around, pay the bills, be the strong person, etc. when i examine this cultural shock i realized he was right and immediately i began to feel empathy for my wife. her ROCK had crumbled and she was left with just pebbles. not knowing how to put the pebbles back togther to reshape the rock, she became frightened, scared, and afraid----resulting in her taking out her anger on the source of her fear, ME.
i applaud your ability to move on from the unlucky circumstances that you report in your question. you are worthy of having someone who loves and respects you unconditionally. if your wife is unable to do that, please seek it from someone else. i know it's difficult to recover from love lost, but you deserve to be happy, excited, thrilled, etc. depression is a killer. however, you survived it and will continue to survive without your unloving wife.
i wish you peace, happiness, and contentment. this may sound sort of out of the ordinary, but having lived through depression has made me more compassionate toward anyone who is or has suffered through the horrific claws of that beast- DEPRESSION.