do mistakes really make us horrible people? Why do people judge us according to our mistakes? For instance, I made a BAD MISTAKE of sleeping with the guy my best friend liked. Now i'm permanently stained as a bad best friend. People tell i'm supposed to put up with all the garbage she throws at me because of my one mistake. I'm known a disloyal friend. People always take her side on the argument when we argue regardless if it was her fault. She is allowed to purposely spite me because of my one mistake. I beat myself up because of it and i avoided her because was afraid of how bad i was. Now i have forgiven myself and apologized. Yet she still brings up what i did and punishes me for it. People think I'm wrong to have forgiven myself. I don't think i should live in misery for my one mistake. Besides, it was nearly two years ago. I'm so tired of beating up myself. I know i'm wrong. I'm more than convinced i won't do it again. any advice?
2006-10-20 13:05:59 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Hate is a poison which can be just as dangerous as any other. Your friend is obviously full of it. I'll go further and say that hate has slain your relationship.
Even if you were wrong, no friend has a right to treat you like garbage. That is simply not what friends do. This person is not your friend, nor is anyone who constantly sides with her to persecute you.
You have made a mistake, and hopefully you have learned from it. Your so-called friend is also making a mistake right now. All you can do is try and be a friend back. If she ever realizes that she was wrong, you need to be ready to forgive her.
And in the mean time, spare yourself. You can explain how you feel, but there is no point trying to hold up your end until she is ready to hold up hers again. There are other boys and there are other friends. You are ready to move on. Do so!
2006-10-20 13:15:19 · answer #1 · answered by Doctor Why 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you did a bad thing. Have you ever asked yourself WHY? Did you do it because you wanted to spite her, short circuit her relationship with the guy? Did you do it because you just couldn't resist? Did you do it because you wanted him before her? WHY did you do it? Figure that out and you may come to the conclusion that she NEVER was your best friend.
Why keep beating yourself up? Yesterday is GONE, today is a gift and tomorrow may NEVER come. Forget about the past. Live in and for the future!! Make a life of your own. Forget those that would pull you down. You messed up and you have suffered for two years. Are you going to spend the rest of you life living in the past? Learn from your mistake and move own. It appears to me that your "friends" are freezing you out. Take the hint and get on with YOUR life. You MUST!! No one will remember what happened 100 years from now!! Good luck. Pops
2006-10-20 20:16:19 · answer #2 · answered by Pops 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked your friend how you can make it right? That is, if you ask her, and she tells you, and you agree together that your making that amends will set the matter right from then on out, this may provide both of you some relief.
If she asks you to do something outrageous or ludicrous, don't do it. If she says there is nothing you can do, accept that.
But suggest to your friend that she ask herself why she is willing to be friends with you while holding onto this grudge. What is the point of a friendship when one of the friends is always perceived as being in the other's debt. That is emotional hostage-taking, not friendship.
You need to come to an above-board reconciliation, or the friendship will continue to frustrate both of you.
2006-10-20 20:10:27 · answer #3 · answered by Gestalt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did your friend & the guy you slept with like each other? If that was the case I can understand your friend being upset at you. Yes you made a mistake but she has to understand that she's not perfect either & will make mistakes in her lifetime as well. Forgiveness is divine. So if you have apologized to her and she still brings that up in your face, you need to move on and find a new friend. If God, who is all-powerful and perfect, can forgive you so should your friend.
2006-10-20 20:21:09 · answer #4 · answered by sunny4life 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one mistake - a life lesson
to repeat it - a F@#* up
You apologized. If she's still beating you up about it two years later, it sounds like she isn't much of a friend to you. We all make mistakes in our lives. As my Dad used to say, there was only one perfect being, and we killed him.
Ask her flat out - does she want to continue the friendship or are you just a scapegoat now for every bad mood she has? If she can't or doesn't want to get over it, move on, hon. There are others out there who need friends..
2006-10-20 20:16:36 · answer #5 · answered by Dez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its time to move on. 2 years is a long time to go through this. It was a mistake and quite an expensive one to cost you your reputation. There are two ways i would follow:
First i would try to speak to her one on one and explain once and for all. Imagine how she felt (but it was two years ago!). If that does not bring changes to the way she treats you then:
Two, I would dump her as a friend and find some other ones. Whats done is done!
2006-10-20 20:17:07 · answer #6 · answered by esai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was definitely wrong and you were not much of a friend.But neither is she.liked and involved are two different things.I'm not really sure how much of a difference it makes.But if you have noticeably been sorry all this time,then move on.Anyone like that and her supporters are never going to be able to accept people with flaws.I beat myself up for things for years and I'll never allow that kind of guilt in my life again.
2006-10-20 20:31:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What on earth are you talking about. You didn't make that mistake by yourself you know. When I was in the Marines my best friend slept with my wife, but I didn't blame him. He didn't force it on her. She was understandably lonely and they had Sex. Big deal. You should not beat yourself up and don't let them try to tell you that you are bad because of it.
What about the guy, She likes him, but does he like her? I don't think so, otherwise why would he lay you. Get yourself a friend who understands a little more about life and if you liked it, don't hesitate to repeat it. It is your life after all. Be strong and don't let others bully you because they are jealous of you.
jaread
2006-10-20 20:14:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was a big mistake; although if you feel like you should be forgiven and others around you won't forgive, then you need to replace those friends with friends who have and will forgive you.
If you would only sleep with the one who you are sure you're going to marry, things like this wouldn't happen.
2006-10-20 20:12:22 · answer #9 · answered by LiveLifeBeGood 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You may need to move on to new friends. I'm not saying it's right, but she may never let go of the issue. If you feel you've done your penance, it's up to you to move yourself out of the punishment arena.
2006-10-20 20:10:20 · answer #10 · answered by Sinner & Saint 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋