ok,my mom left my dad a few wks after i was born because he had cheated and wanted this girl to live with my mom and him to be the "babysitter" while my mom worked fulltime! he threatened to take me away from her and send me to his mom even. after 7 years, no word no child support no nothing, he pops up asking to get to know me only because his new love demanded he make amends with his one child, me.its been 11 yrs now, and i only just found out the truth of why i never grew up with a dad. i want to confront about all this and let him know how upsetting it is all to me, and how even now a days hes not exactly a "father figure" in my life, more just an older man who influences me because were related by blood. i need him to know that i know the truth and it hurts me still to this day and i want him to feel like **** for it and pay for it! i am only wondering, to i bring it up before or afte thanksgiving?!? or should i at all?
2006-10-20 12:10:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i also feel jealous of my little sister for she has grown up with him her whole life. and i still have not. i only occasionally see him. and as far as communication goes, he usually leaves me responsible for being the one to contact him and make plans. and whenever i dont, im suddenly irresponsible and careless...mind you, HES the one still smoke pot and drinking every night and hes such a hypocrytical bastard i find it hard to take any "fatherly advice" from him, ever. also, the child support he never paid, i owe him $450 for fixing my truck...which is my rent per month...when i told him back when i just could not pay him back right then, he got all pissy with me called me imature and irresponsible and never talked to me until this month...that was three months ago?!? should i let him get away with that? should i pay him back? or keep my money as the child support he stills owes?!
2006-10-20 12:13:42 · update #1
pros: finally get it out in the open...he will know that i know the truth, and im sure he'll understand my being upset about it. it could even strengthen our relationship because we'll be more open with each other. amongst other things, you never know what could happen.
cons: i could lose him again. he could get really pissed off at me and take it out on my step mom and sister, which i would feel bad about but HEY its not like i didnt take any suffering either?! and besides..im willing to take whatever out come comes from this...i just need to let it out because its been apart of me for years and as i have said...this is the first time anyone has been honest with me about this!
yeh im mad at my mom too for not coming out and telling me but its good because i got my chance to know him for a father and not just a bastard. either way, i feel he should know i know about him and that im pissed about it...and i want revenge. basically. im 19, so its not like im an angry teen back lashing
2006-10-20 12:21:34 · update #2
You said in your "con" list that you could lose him again. It doesn't sound like you HAVE him. It sounds like you want to confront him because you're angry with him for abandoning you, and you have every right to be!!
If I were you, I would repay him the $450 because that's the right thing to do. You always want to try your best to do the right thing in life. You will be responsible, no one can say that you're not, but you'll also be honest. Who cares that he's a loser...YOU AREN'T!!!!!
As for when to confront him....it depends on how it's done and his temperament. If he's the kind that blows up easily, I would wait until after Thanksgiving is over. You don't need the added stress over the Holidays. No matter when you decide to talk to him about it, remember to remain calm. You're obviously very angry at him and this may be very hard, but if you want to fix things and/or show that you're mature enough to handle things like this, you have to remain calm...no matter what he says or does!!!!!!!!!
Good luck. I wish you the best. It sounds like you guys have a lot of issues to overcome.
2006-10-20 12:40:48 · answer #1 · answered by Joy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK are you mad at him because he is after you for the money you owe him or you upset because he was never in your life. Either way you borrowed the money, so you have to repay it. The child support issue was between him and your mom. and he can be called to account for that but not by you. You have every right to tell him how you feel with regards to him being a dad, and feel free to give him both barrels but only after you have given back the money you OWE him, and you do not need to follow his fatherly advice, he wasn't there for you from the beginning and is still not
2006-10-20 12:23:45 · answer #2 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So much emotion and feelings seem to be riding on the holidays. Why not just NOT go to his little Thanksgiving dinner? Why have all that drama on a holiday ? I wouldn't pay him back the money.Do if for your mom if nothing else since she forked over the cash to support you all those years.You could tell him how you feel over the phone and when he brings up the money just say "Oh that, thanks for helping me out. I really appreciated that.You'll get it as soon as I get it." Meanwhile don't give it a second thought and definitely don't pay him back.This way you get things off of your chest and he gets off easy having paid your mom a mere 400 bucks in child support payments.Just because he helped to bring you into this world and chose to have nothing to do with you until his girlfriend made him contact you, doesn't mean you owe him anything.Make up your mind to be a better parent than he was to you with your own kids someday.I mean, seriously what kind of loser asks his own kid for money back that he should have given to her years ago, freely and without dishing out any guilt.If he's coming to your mothers house for dinner go have dinner at one of your friends houses instead!
2006-10-20 13:30:22 · answer #3 · answered by Yahooanswerssux 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are always two sides to a story. My ex did everything she could to distance me from my kids. Moving 400 miles away, blaming me for her financial troubles (though I paid twice the "required" child support for years), telling me not to visit, having them not come to the door when I did make the trip, etc. She was successful. Even though they're grown and gone now, I haven't spoken to either of my sons in years... they still refuse to even talk to me.
No matter how strong the evidence is, no matter how much you trust the source, always get both sides of the story before you judge.
2006-10-20 12:16:53 · answer #4 · answered by antirion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should absolutley tell him everything you feel. Im sure he will agree with all the bad things about himself. Im sure he feels like **** already..so no need to make him pay. Hes going to pay when he has to answer to god. It will make you a much better person for just forgiving him for the things that he didnt do. You will feel so much better when you get everything you need to say to him,,off of your chest.....Tell him exactly how you feel and go from there...and do it whenever you are ready to.
2006-10-20 12:17:49 · answer #5 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well its really up to you. Think of the pros and cons of what will happen if you wait and if you dont. Think about it somemore and or talk to a counselor for more help. Your best bet is to talk to him about it after because if hes going to go to thanksgiving dinner the last thing you need is friction between y';all. Good luck
2006-10-20 12:15:27 · answer #6 · answered by *Bella Reveuse* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he douse sound like a low life. so what can hurt him any more. go ahead and tell him now. sorry but if he didn't care then hes not gonna care now. brake him like he did you.
2006-10-20 12:20:04 · answer #7 · answered by merri s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋