There is an older man(late 50's-mid 60's) at my workplace who is too chivalrous in my opinion. For example, he tries to assist young women to the point where they cannot get their work done, makes them look incapable of their jobs, or just plain aggravates them. I know he's just trying to be a gentleman. But he doesn't seem to get it when those women say they are fine and don't need assistance, and he pushes it harder even after a complaint is filed. How should I, as a fellow employee, deal with him?
2006-10-20 11:55:51 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Take it from the man who might have wrote the book - Chivalry is respect of the lady. Over flirtatious actions breech the chivalry code. I have "offered assistance" held doors, do things for etc but when a woman says no or transmits the NO signal...that is it. Anything that causes discomfort to the lady should be stopped and discontinued, and they should never feel incapable.
2006-10-20 12:01:28 · answer #1 · answered by orion_1812@yahoo.com 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Don't get me wrong, I am all for chivalry, and all the delightful courtesies between the sexes - BUT - you say he pushes it harder AFTER a complaint has been filed?
Report him for harassment! Tell him, "Look I'm busy here. Why don't you go get your OWN work done? If I need help, I'll let you know!"
My b/f is extremely courteous and polite. When he sees me apparently having difficulty with something, he does not say "Here! Let ME do that!" or "Look! Why don't you do
I either tell him, "No, thanks, I think I've pretty much got it," (he then goes back to minding his own beeswax, unless I ask for assistance), or "Oh, yes, thanks, would you please..." (He then does his best to assist).
He respects me.
Forcing unwanted "assistance" on those who do not want it is NOT "chivalry," it is harassment!
2006-10-20 12:08:02 · answer #2 · answered by zen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They invented this new technique... it's called talking. You could say, 'hey, (Wilberforce), I appreciate how you are always looking out for the needs of women and being chivalrous, BUT sometimes we just don't want any help, and in fact you're hindering us in our work so...... if we ask you to stop, would you?' And if he is really chivalrous, he will.
2006-10-20 11:59:21 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Unless you want to hurt his feelings I suggest you just stay nice to him and politely refuse his help. Or you can take another route and get him alone and explain to him how much of a nuisance he is making of himself. Be kind and gentle but make him understand that all of you appreciate him but his actions are a bit much. You may want to do it with another person who will be equally as understanding and can help you drive home the point.
2006-10-20 12:05:53 · answer #4 · answered by Robere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and let him know that he is not being helpful he is being just the opposite and he will probably stop being too chivalrous.
2006-10-20 12:23:01 · answer #5 · answered by Cat D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say what your professional relationship is with this man. Also, does he do the same behavior toward you? Are you his supervisor?
If the answer to these questions is no, it is none of your business, as his victims are adults and should speak up for themselves or take it to their supervisors.
2006-10-20 17:54:40 · answer #6 · answered by Cub6265 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a lecherous old man. He wants to be near young women. Try getting him fired.
2006-10-20 21:23:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give an example of what he does that is "Too" Chivalrous?
2006-10-20 11:59:07 · answer #8 · answered by Alex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is not being a gentleman.
He thinks He's all That.
He is building himself up by doing things for women.
2006-10-21 11:10:46 · answer #9 · answered by nalaredneb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should only deal with him if you have to. If he were to become aggravating, then politely let him know to back off.
2006-10-20 12:00:14 · answer #10 · answered by prettydebutante 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋