Single Mom of 3 Needing direction?

Question

I am a mother of 3 children, and, in a few months all of them will be in their 20's, and I have to let them know that I can;t carry all the expences on my own. On another matter how can I tell them nicely that I would appreciate them not using the kitchen as an every day restaurant for themselves and their friends. I would love to have them and share with them all that I have but I can't do it on my own. I have enough to keep us fed for the week but no more.
Not that I am greedy and don't like to share I would, but all the other bills are on me as well with no other means of support.

They have to realize just how hard it is doing it on my own. I have been so far and have for the last 7 years the bills for the house the food, and all the rest is in my hands. After a while it just gets too tough Being a single Mom with no one else to rely upon is really hard for me. I have spoken and talked to them about it.
I get thown in my face that I am so tight . Sick of being Outofit

Answer 1

im so sorry aboout that....ok 1st off you have done a gr8 job.im a single parent too and i know how hard it is when there is only you to support and survive, and make things the happiest and best possible for you and your kids.....only they are ADULTS, tell them that they need to help out(im assuming they have jobs)They are not babys and do not need you to wipe their bottoms .If they want to use your home as a restaurant tell them to supply what they wanna eat..give them the orders and if need be ultimatums....they pay their way(even if just a lil bit) or they move out.Tell them that you would like to treat yourself maybe to a night out, without having to worry about a bill(meaning you cannot go cuz u have to pay something)They are taking you for granted knowing that mummy will make sure everything is ok.Well no stop it now don't feel bad you deserve to have a lil bit for yourself.they are grown , if you were not there what would they do? They need to respect you and help out.

Answer 2

You don't mention if they are all in college or not but if they are then they probably only work part time. The three of them need to understand what it takes to run a household besides finances. It takes cleaning up after yourself and possibly others. I would set down a rule that each one of them must take over the responsibility of one chore. Let them have input on who does what like cooking dinner, cleaning the house, yard work.

If they are not in school then I hope they are all working full time. They should be and they should be paying you some sort of rent. Nothing as high as living on their own but at least one third of what it would cost between rent and utilities. Here in New England that would probably be about about $75 a week. The total for all three if working full time would give you an extra $225 a week to help pay the bills and provide a little extra food for when their friends come over.

Unfortunately at this point it sounds like they are taking complete advantage of their situation and not giving anything back. They are not kids any more and need to step up and help out.

You will be doing them a huge favor in the long run by instilling these lessons in them.

Answer 3

From someone who has walked in your shoes: You need to put your foot down and set some rules.
1) You should not be doing all of it yourself. They are old enough to know this, but you have let them get by without working in the house. Tell them that they are responsible for getting certain things done while you are at work.
2) Require them to get jobs and pay for a lot of their own things. They can buy their own snacks and drinks. If they bring friends over they can supply their own things instead of eating what you have for the family.
3) They can move out with friends and get jobs to support themselves. This will last a few months until they tire of all the responsibilities of being an adult.

You must tell them to shape up or ship out. They need to grow up and help out. You made some mistakes along the way and did too much for them, but a lot of moms do that. You can fix it now and the kids will learn some valuable lessons.

Answer 4

It should never be thrown in your face that you are "tight." If the money is not there, then its not there. If your children are all twenty or older, then they all should have jobs and should all be helping to support the family. If they don't like that, then they should move out and see how hard is to do it all by themselves. Then, they will appreciate how hard you have worked to provide for them all these years. It's not easy and I appreciate your efforts, they should too. They should not take advantage of the food that you buy for the family to feed their friends, they should buy food too if they want to be feeding others. I'm sorry that your children can't see how much you do for them. They should be ashamed of themselves. You need to put your foot down, set some limits, and expectations. Give them each a fair amount to contribute each month and don't feel guilty for doing this. You won't be there to support them for their whole lives, it's time that they learn what the real world is like. You have my respect...I hope that you have enough of theirs to come to a resolution to this situation. Good luck.

Answer 5

At the ages of 20 something they are now adults and need to take some responsibility. You need to sit them down and let them know that you are struggling. Let them know that they have to start contributing to the bills and or the groceries. Also, let them know that you can not afford to feed the neighborhood. You have to set ground rules and if they can not abide by them, then let them know that they should find a place to live and live in the real world. Then they will know what being tight is. Sometimes tough love it the way to go.

Answer 6

Don't tell them just that you can't but call them, all three and explain. Tell them how much you earn and show them the other bills and other expenses and tell them that you alone cannot afford to keep the house running. I am sure they will understand and if not tell them they have to look after themselves.

Think about there future. You are spoiling them by not teaching them to spend there money on useful things. They are right now spending there money on other things. You won't always be there for them and if something happens to you then they will not know how to carry on with life.

And think about your future also. You have to save yourself some money because you will need it when you are old. The children who don't help you now won't help you in the future.

Good luck and just be firm because you know you are doing the right thing.

Answer 7

Sounds like it is time for a family meeting!! It is seriously time for your 20 something year olds to act their age. You have carried the family thus far it is time for them to step in and either help out or if they prefer find their own place.

Seriously, have a mandatory family meeting, let them know things are getting harder, they are getting older and it's unacceptable for them to expect you to do it all. Give them one month to find jobs, express the benefits of it not only helping you but also allowing them to have money to GO OUT and be with their friends and spend last time at Club Mom's hanging in!

I am sure they will be rolling their eyes, playing in their hair and doing everything other than paying attention but stick to your guns 4 weeks...that gives them time to find a job and get a first paycheck...you have been a great mother, it's hard doing it on your own but they are adults. They may not like the rules, but the HAVE to respect them. FOUR WEEKS...shape up or ship out!!!!

Be encouraged, I wish you and yours the BEST!!!

Answer 8

You need to install a little tough love on them. They are all over the age of 18 and it is no longer your responsiblity to support them. Let them know that if they wish to continue to live in your house then they need to chip in with the bill and the food. Why should you feed them and their friends if they are capable of doing so themselves? Do NOT let them throw this in your face. Tell them that if they don't like it then it is time for them to move on and fend for themselves in their OWN place. I know this will be hard but at this point you need to do this for your own sanity.

Answer 9

I have a question for you, does any of your kids go to college? have jobs?
in the first place it was your fault for not showing your kids responsabilities...but that can change. tell them since they are still living in the house, to find a job, if they have one. to share expenses, dont allow them to choose what they can pay. You tell them, ok, u will pay the phone bill and give me 50$ for food. and the other, you will pay the light bill and give me $50 for food and so on.... you have to take some load off lady. start by telling your kids and share with them responsabilities. when they start giving you money for food, they will stop bringing friend to eat, or increse the amount! you have to think about your retirement.
GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

just sit them down and tell them all they need to help you out. Explain that you just cant afford to keep paying for everything. I presume they are all earning, or at least have some sort of income. If things do change, just start cutting down, don`t buy so much food, say you cant afford it. Save the money up for treating yourself instead. use the money for a night out. Let them fend for them selves for a change. If they don't like it, tough. It`s about time they grew up and gave you something back for providing for them on your own for so long.
I was one of those children. My mum was in the same situation.We all helped out once we starting earning money.
I`ts only fair

good luck.