Teenage Daughter possibly Lesbian or Bi.......?

Question

Ok.. Now...before I go any further I want to make sure it's understood. I love my daughter NO MATTER what her decision is.

The question and search for advice I have is.. My daughter (14yo) has voiced that she might be more interested in girls than boys. As long as she has love in her life Yippee for her!!! However, I'm now leary to allow her to spend the night at her friends houses because I don't want her to get sexually active too soon. Am I being a bad parent?

I love her and want her to have a social life in highschool.. but what am I to do?

HELP!!

Answer 1

i would let her still sleep over at friends, however let her know that she could still contact and std. if u dont let her stay at her female friends houses kids at school could catch on to the situation and kids at that age can be cruel and i think it would cause her greater heart ache to have a poor rep at school. and please dont think i am condoning sexual activity at her age but i guess what i am saying is u have to weigh the two possibilities and choose the less damaging to your daughter. also one thing that strikes me with this situation is the openess your daughter has with u to come out and talk to you on this sensative issue. sounds like you have a good relationship with her and you need to trust her to be open with u. i feel that she will be.

Answer 2

You're on the right track insofar as your love and your concern for her happiness. Now you have to go the next step and let go a little. You have to let her find out her sexuality for herself and I'm sure that you'd agree that spending a night with a teenage female friend is a whole lot safer than if she was with a boy.
Don't worry about her social life in high school, she'll set the agenda for herself.
Be patient and available. But step back a little bit.

Answer 3

No your not a bad parent, your just concerned and thats a good thing. I wouldn't keep her from sleepovers though. She told you her feelings so obviously she trusts and will confide in you which is something most teenage girls won't do. And if you tell her no because of it she might misinterpret it as a punishment. She's a girl and most of her friends through her life will be girls. Just because she may be attracted to girls does not mean she will like everyone of them. They are just her friends and more than likely have no interest in girls themselves. Do you know if she told her friends? She probably hasn't out of fear that they may not want to talk to her or feel weird around her, and especially wouldn't let her spend the night. Just sit down and talk about it. Its better to talk about concerns of sexual activity then to keep quiet and keep telling her no.

Answer 4

This friend of hers, is she the girl your child likes? If she is another female friend of your child, and you say no just because your daughter told you that she is interested in girls then she might get mad because she might have the feeling you didn't let her go because of what she told you? Tell her that its better that her friend stays over at your place this weekend. If she asks why tell her the truth, I think you should never lie to a child unless you really have to. You should let her know that it will take some time to get use to the fact, and also mention about protection just in care she is already sexually active.

Answer 5

Talk to your daughter, explain that sexual relationships have serious consequences no matter what gender the partners are. She may not be able to get pregnant, but there are worse things out there. Keep the lines of communication open and trust her. Explain how you feel, uncomfortable not because of her orientation, but because it changes a parents traditional worry. Ask her to come to you when she's ready to have sex, so that you can discuss in an open healthy environment. Unfortunately as parents we want to protect our kids from everything including themselves, this isn't always possible. If we want our kids to trust and be honest with them, we have to give them the same courtesy. Even when its not easy. At 14 she's been able to tell you that her orientation is unique obviously you have a good relationship, trust in that.

Answer 6

No, you are not a bad mother, just concerned. If she is open enough to express to you that she is thinking about girls moreso than guys, I really wouldn't worry to much. Just sit down and explain things as you would normally. You can still catch STD's, get your heart broken, get used and everything else.
As for her spending the night, as I said above, just explain to her in case she is attracted to whatever friend(s) she is spending the night with, that this is no different then guys. That things shouldn't be too fast, no matter how "hot" the times may get. Allthough teenagers will do whatever they want never-the-less, you can hope she does the right thing.

I hope this helps, and kudos to you for raising a daughter open enough to voice something of that importance to you.

Answer 7

Personally, I don't believe all her friends are going to be lesbians or bi, so its not like every girl friend she has is a potential sexual partner for your daughter.

However, if you are still worried about this, then maybe you should have her friends spend the night at YOUR house so you feel more comfortable.

And also I wanted to say that your daughter is very lucky to have a mother like you.

Answer 8

More power to ya for not letting something petty, like sexual orientation, have an effect on your relationship with your daughter. I do not think you are being a bad parent, I think you are looking out for her best interest. There is no reason for kids that young to be sexually active, they need time to be kids (and not worry about things like STDs and pregnancy).

Answer 9

while i'm glad your not being pissed b/c she might be that way, u still need to trust her more. just talk to her about it. while it might not seam like she's listening, she really is. tell her how u feal, and that u want to make sure she doesn't do anything. i mean, my parents would let me spend the night at a girls house, and they would trust me not to do anything. Also, if your still worried, talk to the person who she's spending the night with, and find out if she is the same way. if she's straight, then there is not as much to worry about.

Answer 10

If the question is if you are being a bad parent, you aren't. Honestly you aren't. I understand your concerns and you seem to be a fine parent, just don't let her go to her friends house and have her stay home that night. It's that simple. If she puts up a fight remind her who takes care of her, who puts food on the table, remind her that you are the parent and there are rules to go by.