I am friends with a married couple. They have some serious issues that they have put me in the middle of. Meanwhile I have been dealing with some issues of my own, that I haven't shared with anyone. I also have another friend who's marriage is falling apart, and that's all she talks about. I can't take it any more. How do a deal with it all?
2006-10-20 08:41:52 · 12 answers · asked by angelica 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Let me share something somebody once told me. "You can not single-handedly solve the worlds problems"
I was once just like you. It seemed that anytime anybody I knew had a problem they felt the need to un-burden their sole to me. I got to the point where everybody else's problems gave me a severe case of depression.
It may sound selfish, but you really need to concern yourself with your own well-being first and foremost. It is noble to want to help everybody out with their problems, but honestly, if you are getting frazzled by everybody placing the weight of the world on your shoulders, you are not going to be able to help anybody.
You are going to have to either sit down with your friends, and explain how they are causing major stress in your life, or you will have to stop being around them for a while.
In most cases, your friends may not know that they are stressing you. You don't need to be abrupt with them, but you do need to let them know what they are doing to you. Until you let them know, they will just keep doing it.
You are not a bad person for letting them know. Who knows, perhaps once you tell them how they are causing you stress, they may actually stop bothering you, and start helping you out by asking you if you are having any problems you would want to talk about.
I wish you well! God Bless!
2006-10-20 10:41:46 · answer #1 · answered by jam961 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First decide whether you want to deal with these people or not. If these are very close friends in which you don't want to burn a bridge than I would speak up and tell your friends how they are making you feel. A true friend will listen and respond accordingly. It seems that your friends either admire you being single or really respect your opinion. It is hard for your friends to understand what you are going through and how you feel if you don't express it to them. These people are supposed to be your friends. And to be able to express your frustrations to complete strangers online versus telling your true friends should tell you something about your relationship with these people. It seems that you don't trust them with your feelings, which is fine. But really then why do you keep these people around? Anyways, you need to decide if their friendship is worth the frustration. Maybe the best thing to do is to stay away for a few days so that you can reflect on how you feel. Stay strong! Good Luck & God Bless!
2006-10-20 16:06:54 · answer #2 · answered by zero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be as up front with everyone as possible, if you desire their friendship in the future. I say not dealing with this one directly could spell trouble for your relationships with them in the long run. Call them or write each a letter, explaining that you are dealing with your own issues (don't feel pressured to disclose them unless you feel compelled to do so), and that while you want to remain a good supportive friend, you need to conserve some of your energy to resolve some of your own "problems". Say that you hope that they will understand, and support you, just as you have supported them through their difficulties. That should be enough said. It's a kind and loving way to say you need some space.
2006-10-20 15:50:01 · answer #3 · answered by big_shot_nurse 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, make the married people deal with their own issues. just tell them you don't want to talk about them and change the subject when they bring it up. talk about books and movies. get a journal for your own issues. your friend is looking for a listening ear and maybe some advice. ask her if she needs advice or just someone to listen. actually, she may be asking for your advice. people are often consumed witrh their own problems. this one certainly is. as soon as her problems are resolved, your friend will most likely move on. if she divorces she'll need you to help her work through that and then when she is ready to date she'll go through that.(that will be fun for you) however if she decides to stay mried, the patching things up cna be a little rough but a worthy investment. the getting divorced road is a little longer. the patching things up is alot rougher but worth the investment. your friend needs a marriage counselor along with her husband. it sounds like she still LOVES her husband. if he still loves her the marriage could still be worked on if they are willing to put the effort into it. but they need a marriage counselor and ALOT of willingness to work on their issues. and maybe even your friend needs your support and your listening ear. the fact your friend is talking so much about it tells me she still cares about he husband and the state of the relationship. and that's a good thing. as for you, you need to juggle these all very simply. so let's take a final look at the situation: your first friend should no longer be bugging you about the marriage, your second friend may be turning to you for a friendly ear for support while she works out her marital issues in counseling with her husband, and you should be keeping a journal to log your life's frustrations.
2006-10-20 22:34:39 · answer #4 · answered by leeanndemon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you are a marriage counselor, I suggest you tell them that these are questions that only a counselor should deal with. Your friends will only accept the answers they want to and they will blame you for any problems that arise because of your advice. If money is an issue I suggest a good Bible believing minister.
2006-10-20 15:50:20 · answer #5 · answered by nicki 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is way to be a good friend....without being "the stressed out, on a rollercoaster ride" friend.....what i mean is, plan other things in your life....if they call you and are talking a lot of negative let them know that you feel empathy for them, and they will be in your thoughts...send them a card or something from time to time, but plan other things for yourself....go visit a friend who has positive things to say, turn your phone off and take a bubble bath, go shopping...do something that you enjoy that gets your mind off the stress around you....if you don't back up, you're gonna get pulled so far down that you're not gonna be able to help them or yourself.....TRUST me , i KNOW what i'm talking about....good luck to you!!
2006-10-20 15:50:13 · answer #6 · answered by Amy S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isn't fair for you to take on something you aren't able to deal with, and it isn't fair for them to place you in that position. Bow out and seek help for your own problems.
Everyone has a relationship that falls apart at some point, or we would all be married to our first loves. You are not the key to their future happiness. Besides, any advice you give at this time will come back to bite you, so just bow out until they have their stuff together. Who needs the drama?
2006-10-20 15:57:44 · answer #7 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get out from under these toxic couples. Why are you friends with married people? Find some upbeat single friends so that you can work through your issues in peace, and you won't feel so overwhelmed. Good friends don't burden others with their marital problems - they go to marriage counsellors.
2006-10-20 15:47:03 · answer #8 · answered by theophilus 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell them you are taking a vacation from every ones troubles so you can concentrate on your own dilemmas. Wish them all the best, then do it.
2006-10-20 15:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by russianoxford 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let them know that talking about it does nothing to resolve their problem.. If they can't talk together to attempt to work out their problems, they don't need to involve you. Most won't follow your advice anyway.
2006-10-20 15:48:10 · answer #10 · answered by mrcricket1932 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋