My DH is AD and has been in for over 9 yrs. He left for deployment 2 weeks ago for 6 months, although he's not in a hazardous area. We have been together for 3 years, but only married for 1 with no kids. I love my DH more than anything and belive in the vows we took. I KNOW my DH feels the same way. But, he has psychological problems that were not diagnosed until after he joined. Since I've known him, he's been on tons of meds for these problems, but they don't help. Infact, they make him worse. I have been by his side his entire treatment. We relocated in the spring and things have since exploded. We have repeatedly gone to the FSC, medical, etc. to try to get him into counseling to help him. They have refused to help us and deal with these issues. The FSC tried to get him to divorce me, because if he gets help, then he might be med. discharged. The problem isn't me, but they have threatened his career if he doesn't. He is very afraid to lose his job-he sent me papers.
2006-10-20 06:51:50 · 15 answers · asked by Mrs. Waiting 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
I know deep down he doesn't want to divorce me, but they are making him. They won't take us seriously about his problems and think I am trying to hurt his career! I have spoken to EVERYONE in his command. Where else can I go to get us help? I don't want him to hurt himself or someone else. Serious answers only! Thank you.
2006-10-20 06:54:07 · update #1
My husband is very uncomfortable letting people know his problems, so no one really knows what is going on. They don't want to believe that anything is wrong. I have writings from him stating everything and that he has something wrong with him!
2006-10-20 06:58:44 · update #2
They can make him. they are holding his career over his head and he is afraid of being put on the streets. They think it is me making it up, but he has written everything down as well as telling my therapist. He is on all these drugs that aren't helping either and having terrible side effects. I am NOT lying. This is horrible. Also, they took him off his Afghanistan orders because of his meds/problems but won't get him help. I spoke with the XO and nothing helps. They issued an MPO against HIM and have not let us have any contact. I AM VERY SERIOUS AND NOT LYING.
2006-10-20 07:05:34 · update #3
He left me because he was ordered to stay away. We had been to dinner and a movie one night and the next day, he gets called in. I hope this never happens to any of you. I also hope that I don't get a call saying that he committed suicide!
2006-10-20 07:24:40 · update #4
My husband is NOT cheating and I am not in denial. My husband was diagnosed with these problems before we ever met. But I have sat there next to him while they re-diagnose him back and forth and hand out controversial narcotics like candy trying to find something to help him. His last command was supportive of trying to help us. We had a good counselor. But we had to leave. This command is the opposite. My husband is not just another guy, he is my husband and he deserves, WE deserve better than the treatment we have gotten!
2006-10-20 10:08:55 · update #5
The military does not care about family so you will not get much help. I'm sorry to have to tell you that. All they (Army ) care about is getting troops over to Iraq. You have problems? Too bad. ( According to the military ) That is the military way. Best you can do is write your Congreesman/Woman and they may be able to help you. You have to go above the chain of command. Good luck to you.
2006-10-20 07:12:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Help him get off those meds...especially if they're not doing him any good. He needs to figure out what it is that's stressing him out so much and eliminate it from his life. They can't blame YOU for the way HE feels. It's not your fault! I took meds which made my situation worse also, I became violent a couple times on them and just was further away from myself than I ever was before. I found a way to deal/cope with my issues w/o medicine. Prayer works best, and I'm not trying to push religion on anyone, but he can also meditate, deep breath, count to 10 (or 20 whatever it takes), talk about his issues with someone he trusts, cry to get it out, there are so many things he can TRY so you don't have to get divorced. If they want to threaten his career, (as a last resort) let them!!! Screw the government, go ahead and take the medical discharge and he can get a BETTER non-BS job as a civilian. Once you get out of the military, people outside treat you like you're an idol for the wonderful things you've done to serve our country. Talk with him about all this and see how it goes! Good luck to you both and I'll keep you in MY prayers...Love to all!
2006-10-20 14:05:05 · answer #2 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband is a Senior Officer and I therefore have a 'take' on the way the Military handle social issues like this.I don't understand I am afraid. How on Earth could someone with such serious psychological problems be deployed? They won't deploy someone who has a tooth that needs fixing until it has been attended to! It simply isn't practical to deploy someone who is reliant on medication, and positively unsafe to send someone with a psychological condition on deployment. I have never heard of such a thing. He wouldn't have been passed fit.
I also can't believe that he has been told to divorce you! The Army has duty of care which it takes very seriously. I think it would be perceived as a serious human rights issue, in which the Army wouldn't want to emesh itself, for a man to be told to divorce in order to save his career! Why does he need to divorce you to get help? and who told YOU that this was suggested? If his problem is as serious as you say her WOULD be medically discharged.
There is something distinctly odd about this. Are you SURE that your husband is being entirely truthful with you? I can't see my husband issuing me divorce papers because someone else thought it was a good idea!
If what you say about his illness is true (and I have no reason to doubt you) then he would be a liability that no Commander would want with him on deployment.
Something isn't right here, and if I were you, it isn't the Army I would be looking to to supply the answers it is your husband.
2006-10-20 20:26:36 · answer #3 · answered by Kitty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. If the meds aren't helping, and are in fact making him worse, why is he still on them?
2. His getting a medical discharge or not has nothing to do with his marital status. It has to do with his doctors and having the right paperwork done, and waiting for it to be cycled through the system.
3. His command cannot force him to divorce you to save his career.
4. Yes, you CAN get divorced while deployed (to whoever said you couldn't). I know people who did.
Talk to your chaplain. Talk to IG. If these things you are saying are true, your chaplain can help you with the counseling part, at least for you, and IG can investigate and help reassure you that the military cannot order a divorce, and might provide you with other options.
2006-10-20 17:14:48 · answer #4 · answered by desiderio 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe deep down you are in denial. i just recently got out of the military after 10 years and I know the Military had a lot of programs to help marriages in crisis. never would someone threaten a career if he doesn't divorce you. Whyd o i know this? Because the divorce rate in the Military is tracked annually. the goal is to keep the divorce rae of active duty soldiers down by having family counseling programs. now either you are in denial and want someone to blame or your husband is telling you a big story to shift the blame onto someone else so he doesn't feel as bacd about leaving you
2006-10-20 14:36:01 · answer #5 · answered by SuperSoldierGIJOE 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This does sound like odd behavior from him, you and the miltary. You are obviously not being seen by the right people. Speak to the chaplain and seek counseling yourself. I know you can't divorce somone while they are deployed but I am uncertain about the other way around. Also the military cannot force him to divorce you.
2006-10-20 14:08:22 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is cheating on you and making up excuses as to why he's not around or getting "called in" all of the sudden. Making excuses by saying that he's going to lose his job if he doesn't divorce you... the reason Top hasn't done anything yet is because THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM! He doesn't love you and his fellow soldiers are helping him get out of his marriage. I've seen it happen time and time again. Let him go. He obviously doesn't want to be around.
2006-10-20 14:57:44 · answer #7 · answered by rocknrobin21 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he has been brain washed. Has he sent you divorce papers? What does he say about divorcing you? He may have mental issues, if that is so then the military would medically discharge him you would think. Have you gone to his co? You as his wife can have him committed for an evaluation to see his mental state.
Good luck with this. I will pray for your situation.
2006-10-20 13:58:19 · answer #8 · answered by cecilia m 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Speak to the American Red Cross, military chaplain, commandants assistant
2006-10-20 13:53:43 · answer #9 · answered by god knows and sees else Yahoo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Judging from the other questions you have posted about your husband, it sounds like he left you and you need to blame the military. I know of no military that would force anyone to leave their spouse. You sound like you need counseling.
2006-10-20 14:18:20 · answer #10 · answered by TRUE PATRIOT 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋