My husband left for Iraq two weeks ago. Right now he's in Kuwait doing training. He has only called me twice and I've gotten no emails. I miss him so much, and I'm kinda bothered he doesn't miss me enough to call me more than twice in two weeks. Other wives from the same company hear from their husbands and boyfriends every other day. I know everyone is different and men, especially don't think like women, but it still bothers me. He was really cold and distant the day he left and every phone call since.
So, what is he going through, how hard, exactly, is this for him?
2006-10-20 06:28:59 · 19 answers · asked by Leila M 2 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
When he calls, I am upbeat and I am supportive. He's mentioned how he's now doing building clearance and how he's the first in the building. He also talks about how it is getting worse over there and I know when he says things like this it's him wanting my reassurance. Last time we spoke I sat there a good ten minutes talking about how he's good at what he does and that's why he is in that position and that they wouldn't put some incapable, blah blah blah. It is just so hard to hear him say he'll call me "next week". Especially since I've learned his addition job to Convoy security and I'm terrified he's not going to come home. (I could handle him coming home as just a torso! But not coming home at all would kill me)
Though, he was really different when he was at NTC, making sure to call me just to say "he loved me" and when we did talk he was more sappy. I know he had his cell and it was diff. but I just want to hear him be sweet.
2006-10-20 06:48:16 · update #1
And I can not express how much the well-wishes mean. I really can't.
2006-10-20 06:51:47 · update #2
He's going through seperation anxiety, just like you are. He just has a different way of dealing with it. I'll tell you right now that Kuwait sucks. He probably doesn't want to spend too much time on the phone with you until he has something more to say than, "Hey, I'm stuck in this craphole," You also have to understand that he's in a situation where he can't expect any amount of stability for at least another three weeks. That puts a decent amount of stress on someone. It's also quite possible that he doesn't call you for fear that he will take out his frustrations on you (through no fault of his own).
2006-10-20 06:44:37 · answer #1 · answered by DOOM 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband went through his whole last deployment barely calling. My neighbor's hubby is in the same unit and he called almost everyday, so I knew he wasn't *that* busy. I think (for my husband at least) it's easier not to call home sometimes. As much as he loves me and wants to talk it can sometimes make it harder on him to have to face how far apart we are. A lot of the guys distance themselves from their families to try to make it hurt less when they are gone. This last time I got only 4 letters from him the whole time, and I still give him crap about it. Just make sure he understands how much it means to you when he does call and be as supportive as you can. I know it's hard but once he gets into Iraq and more into a routine, things will probably get easier for both of you. Good luck!
2006-10-20 12:50:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure that your Husband misses and loves you very much.His reaction is a common one.He distanced himself before he left to lessen the hurt of separation.
The phone calls home remind him of the life he had.But doesn't have now..He miss you more then you will ever realize.Each call hurts him like hell.The less he calls the less of a reminder it is to him.
He is preparing himself for what he has to do.Which is the realization that he will face death.
Your Brave Husband does not love you any less then the other men.He is just reacting to his change differently.
I served in Nam as a nurse and saw this happen many times.Please keep writing to him .Try and make the letters light.Express your love but go easy on the missing him part.
He needs you to be strong.
I wish You and Your Husband well.
2006-10-20 06:46:33 · answer #3 · answered by eva b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in your husbands shoes.
December 26, 2000, I deployed to Saudi Arabia for Operation Southern Watch. While our jobs were different, our situations were the same.
My wife and I had been married for 11 months, and we new this deployment was coming when we got married. I was in aviation, but we were VERY close to the Iraq border, closer to Baghdad than anything in Saudi Arabia. When I was at work, I was so busy that I didn't have time to think about my wife, but at night, (day, I worked nights), when I was alone, I had a great deal of time to think about her.
The only thing that you can do is to continue to believe in him, and what he is doing.
Semper Fi, Keep the Faith
2006-10-20 09:13:12 · answer #4 · answered by The_moondog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are very busy. and actually two calls in two weeks is not that bad. They are getting acclimated to the weather difference. They are learning things they can't learn in the states. Don't read to much into his mood. I'm sure he will have up and down times you have to be there to understand. Don't ask him what's wrong he probably doesn't even know. Besides if he's distant then he's concentrating on his job instead of on what's happening back home. Don't tell him about skinned knees or the car breaking down. You got to handle that stuff. Also don't believe every thing the other women are telling you. I got news for ya. alot of them lie. Besides maybe they are calling home more because they don't trust their wives. It could be anything. I own a support group for our troops and spouses you should consider joining one. You'll find that you are going through the same things they are.
tell your hubby thank you for me. and thanks for supporting him! also you have to see the places they call from. They are suurounded by other guys and he can't really say what's on his mind. He can't at mushy in front of them.
2006-10-20 06:41:18 · answer #5 · answered by Stand 4 somthing Please! 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
OH NO! This happened to me! I have a strong feeling that what you feel in your heart is true. My husband was in the military, was extremely religious and left me to live with another woman.
The military, dispite the family values they pretend to portray, is the greatest home wrecker in the world.
I recommend not acting until you know for certain and then being brave. Get support from other ex-military women and remember, you're not the only one.
The American propaganda machine would have you believe all military marriages are happy and wonderful with wonderful men and women waiting patiently to return to each other's arms. That's a figmation of the American imagiment! :) Most military marriages end in divorce.
If what you feel really is true, you won't be alone. Hang in there sweetie. There is a chance that he's just worried and busy and I could be wrong. Just give it time but be willing to let go gently if you need to.
I'm so sorry he isn't giving you the attention you need now. He is busy and he probably has top secret clearance. Let's hope he uses that "clearance" responsibly and that he isn't busy with other women as mine was.
It is hard for him but lets hope he isn't turning to wine, women and song for relief. Let's hope memories of family are enough to get him through hard times. Its up to him and you won't be to blame. Hang tough, kiddo!
P.S. I just read other people's answers. So many people believe that American men are above reproach and love family, friends and country. While some do for most, its just a job and like any other job, they are prone to error. I don't glamorize war. Broken homes are one of the casualties and sometimes that's worse than death. Face the facts and still be brave. Don't be in denial as so many are.
2006-10-20 06:42:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
he's making an attempt to get her some outfits for her birthday. you are able to no longer shop a toddler from their determine on their birthday purely on the grounds which you're in a controversy with him. purely answer his questions... and supply up listening to your meddling mom plenty. it rather is easily undesirable whilst mum and dad can't be waiting to place the hobbies of the youngsters in front of their own petty agendas. you are able to be a greater advantageous person than that. I artwork in a regulation place of work and notice it each and every of the time, and that's what hurts the youngsters the main in a divorce/separation. do no longer try this in the process your daughter!
2016-10-02 12:13:44 · answer #7 · answered by vanderbilt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there! I know what you're going through! My hubby deployed to Iraq last year, and is getting ready to go back AGAIN in January. This isn't the best place for these kinds of questions... so if you'd like please consider joining one of my groups:
On Yahoo: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Missing_our_Marines/
Or MySpace: http://groups.myspace.com/MissingMarines
They're both called Missing our Marines, but we have women with husbands in other services as well! Hopefully you'll check it out!!
It gets better, I promise! When they get to their final area, he'll be able to call and write more. :-)
2006-10-20 08:01:42 · answer #8 · answered by rocknrobin21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He misses you a lot, but getting ready to go into battle I think he might be having more important things to do than call you on the phone. Having been there and done that I can know how he feels, unless you have been there also, nothing anyone truly says to you can make you understand.
2006-10-20 06:38:02 · answer #9 · answered by Meow the cat 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's probably scared and feels like if he share's that with you that you'll be even more freaked out... It really sucks being over there away from family and different people deal with it in different ways... stay supportive and assure him that everything is going to be fine on the home front... I know I was worried about how my wife was going to handle me being gone... He needs to focus on what he is doing there, and if he is worried about stuff at home it is that much more difficult to focus on your mission.
2006-10-20 06:37:54 · answer #10 · answered by Rob B 69 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋