My kids drive me nuts, they destroy everything. and refuse to help me pick up....?

Question

i put them in time out , punish them, take away their toys... and they still get into stuff and mess everything up, just all of my husband and i's stuff.... our house is always a mess and im just sick and tired of picking up after them everyday , i cant take the mess anymore and im sick of cleaning.. i cant put everything up and i feel like i shouldnt have to... any ideas to make them help besides what ive done??? My kids are 4 and 2.

Answer 1

I totally understand. My kids are 6, 3, and 2. My youngest two are 11 months apart.
Here are a few things that I have done and am SLOWLY having success with:
1) I went to www.chartjungle.com and found some behavior charts and printed them out. These charts can be used for anything from picking up to potty training to telling the truth. (You might also find a few charts that can help you manage your tasks!) Then I went to a dollar store and got some "treasures" for the "treasure box". I also got stickers to put on their charts.
2) I went through my kids toys. We gave away toys that were no longer developmental appropriate and then I took a little more than half of their toys and put them into totes and then put them in the garage. This way, they toys stay new and I do not have toys from one end of the house to the other. When they get "bored" with the current toys we will swap them out for some new ones.
3) I went and set short term goals for the kids to achieve. I tell them what I expect and how they earn a special treasure. Start with one behavior at a time. Once you get the first behavior changed, then next one will get a little easier.
4) Once your kids have met several goals, you might want to give them a "bigger" goal to reach for. Make sure that it is something fun for them (park, Chuck E. Cheese, etc.).
5) A Mother's Day Out Program is well worth the money if you can afford it. It will give you a little time a week where you will not have extra little hands and feet "helping" you and you can take care of yourself. I recently have found out what a blessing a MDO program is. My boys go two days a week for five hours on those days.
6) At Lowes and Home Depot they have Tot Locks. You can put them on cabinets to keep them out. They also have special "locks" that you can place high on doors to keep them out of rooms that they need not be in. We use both all over the house. Those do help out quite a bit too.

I hope that some of these suggestions help!
Good Luck!

Answer 2

Consistent, consistent, consistent! You are the parent, so why are your children running (and ruining??) your life?

You need to remember that you are in charge, and that what you say goes. Someone mentioned Supernanny - the show has some pretty good parenting ideas - how to deal with your kids without beating them to death, and very age-appropriate remedies, but how much information can you get in an hour? I will say, though, we do the naughty step stuff in my family, and it works really well for us. Its like a really well structured time out.

Your kids have trained you to let them get away with this stuff. It is going to take time to change the way things are in your house, and you aren't going to be able to slack off or throw your hands up and give up when it gets hard, or you'll be starting from scratch. Your kids don't respect you, and they don't respect other people's belongings, obviously. You aren't the boss. You need to change that, and to do that, you have to be consistent, even when you're tired and not up to the fight. The struggle will get easier if you're consistent.

You might want to consider giving your children an area in which they can make a mess - a room, a corner, a basement. Somewhere out of the grown-ups way. And when playtime is over, they need to get used to picking up their toys. Making a game of cleanup is okay, but just remember, if they don't feel like playing the cleanup game, they still need to be responsible for their toys.

And don't be one of those parents who threatens punishment time and again and again and doesn't deliver. Give ONE warning. "If you do that again, you are going to the naughty step". Then if they do it again, no discussion, no warning, just the trip to the naughty step.

Good luck!

Answer 3

They are young and don't yet know how to clean up. Instead of making it a punishment, show them how to clean up. Often young kids get overwhelmed by what they have to clean up. When you just tell them "clean up" they don't know where to start. Make it fun, like a game. I give my kids time limits, "lets see how fast you can pick up your toys", then try to beat that time the next time you want them to clean up. Or have them go by colors...."pick up all the blue toys, then green, etc" And your stuff is always more interesting than their toys....my 2 year old likes the baskets, and boxes that the toys come in rather than the toys....

Answer 4

My older sister got her degree in child care. She told me a few things about kids that I am trying to apply to my son. (I said trying) lol.
God knows that kids are a curse and a blessing all at once. Mostly a blessing when they are asleep lol.

The most important thing that I did find good advice from my sister was kids need a routine!! They dont function without it! Kids like to be transitioned into things. while they are playing tell them " ok guys in 10 minutes we are going to clean up this mess and go eat dinner" after 5 minutes warn them again so they know. then say ok its time to clean up.

Also make cleaning a game. Who can put toys away the fastest or put all the blue toys away first then the red. Or I spy.

You also need to be forcefull in your dicipline. I learned and am still learning at this moment, Kids want attention, be it bad or good. My son at the moment knows that bad attention is the best. He will scream and throw himself on the ground till i get so mad a frustrated that I give him what he wants or lets him throw all my folded laundry out of the basket. So I just ingore him. They will cry but only until they realize that mommy isnt paying attention. ( for the younger child) your older son is probably old enough for time outs. only for 5 minutes but he will get the picture.

Kids test our rules and their boundrys everyday! If we hold our boundrys and dont let it slip they will realize that we mean no! and no you cant have another ice cream lol.

Also, your house will never be "clean" with kids. My system is at the end of a really bad day I get 3 laundry baskets out. One for me, one for my son, and one for my hubby. I take everthing and shove it in those laundry baskets and set it in the specific persons room. I empty them the next day when I feel better or when I dont have the kids around (or I tell my hubby to do it lol).

My motto is, even if you do it half a$$ed it still was better than it was lol. I heard someone say, just shove the dirty dishes in the oven and go to the movies. you cant see the mess and neither can your guests.

Also I give my self and easy cleaning routine(still trying to stick to it lol) I always do the dishes at a certain time . While my son is watching a movie.
Also, how you feel reflects back onto your children. If you are unhappy they too will become unhappy. if you are calm and happy your kids will be too. My mom told me once when i was crying and couldnt deal with my one son lol, she said if you dont take care of yourself first you cant and wont be able to take care of your children.


i hope this helps and sorry about the loooong babbleing lol Good Luck.

Answer 5

You are the mother, take control! If they start getting into your things, you stop them immediately.

If they have toys out and are getting more out, you stop them and don't let them get anything else out until the other stuff if put away,

Put most of their toys into boxes. Tape them shut. Every week get out a different box of toys, then there is less stuff for them to make a mess. And every week they will have different toys, less boredom. If they don't play with toys decide why - they don't like them or parts are missing - then get rid of the toys. Only keep what they like and what is played with.

But get control. Do not let them control you.

You are not punishing them enough or consistentlly if this is the way they are and they will only get worse.

Answer 6

You mean like you're whining in this question? The appropriate, non-whiny way to ask would have been to say "My fiance's kid is kind of needy, and whines about things quite a bit. Can I get some advice? I love this man, but I'm not sure how to deal with his child." I'm sorry, but your question was just as whiny as you claim the child is. Learn to deal with it, or move on. Your fiance's child is more than likely being a normal toddler. Some of them are more emotionally needy, some of them have learned from people around them. More than likely the kid will grow out of it, especially if he has mature parental figures around him. Someone who says "Oh, he drives me NUTS!" is probably not emotionally prepared to be a stepmom.. and this kid is a package deal with your fiance. And if you marry him, but resent his son, it's going to turn into a hateful, unpleasant marriage, and you're going to give his son issues if you can't control your attitude about him.

Answer 7

I agree with stargazer. You have to start when they are really young and consistency is the key. Even when you're tired you still have to stick to your guns. First sit down and decide what you want them to be resposible for and what they are capable of then make a reward chart or sticker graph. (Whoever gets the most stickers for the day gets an extra bedtime story or something like that.) Don't forget to include yourself in your chore chart because then the kids will see you actually have responsibilites to. They will see you checking your chore chart and rewarding yourself with stickers.
We have a huge whiteboard hanging in the kitchen with everyones name on it and their job for each day of the week. My 2 yr old daughter unloads and helps load the dishwasher everyday and my 4 year old son, sorts laundry and moves loads from the washer to the dryer and the dryer to the couch then he helps fold and put everyones stuff at least on their beds. You are in control and that is the role of parenting. Keep a positive attitude even when it's a bad day. Your energy will spread. Catch them being good. Go way way berserk with compliments when they do something good and they will gradually get the idea...we very rarely have to discipline anymore. Our problems are new ones with our 13 yr old wanting more freedom. I will say a prayer for you. Good Luck!!

Answer 8

Sounds like you need a schedule. You should teach them to pick up now! If you don't you'll regret it later!!! Believe me! At your kids age, they are very curious. They are bound to get into anything and everything. Persistance is the key! You have to make the kids pick up after themselves. Just say "Clean up time!!" in a nice, upbeat, voice (so they don't think you're scolding them) Tell them over and over and then they get used to it being a normal part of the day! I have no problem getting my boys to put things in the right places, and picking up after themselves (they are 8,7 and 5). But I started when they were really little. You should start now, because when they're teens it's going to be really hard!

Answer 9

Try to make it a game for them. Like "hey lets see who can puick up the blocks faster" sometimes making it seem like fun, get's them more into it. try explaing to them that mommy and daddy's things are private, we don't touch, and be consistant, kids need that. Remove them from the mess make them sit no long than 2 minutes for a two year old and four minutes for a 4 year old. Whe time out is over, give them the choice to pick up the things again.

Answer 10

First, I struggle like you with this. I have used the flylady.net for help in getting organized, and tho i keep 'backsliding' things are always moving forward and are one hundred percent better. Check her out. Great babysteps system.

Now, about your kids: Your kids are far too young to expect this of them. You never should have punished then and taken away their toys. You must seem like a scary wild woman to them. You are actually driving them nuts.


What you do is say - right now it's time to clean up and you teach them how to clean, what to put away. YOu spend just a few minutes on it and move on. If there are things of yours or your husband's that can be damaged by little kids, you put them away now for a few years. If a 2 and 4 year old are destroying things, mommy and daddy are to blame, not the children.

You don't realize it, but you are being very unhelpful to them having these expectations above their abilities. They can't succeed, they can only fail, and with all the attention for failing, they will keep failing.

You are supposed to be teaching them routines and systems. You are not supposed to be railing at them because life messes up houses.

I suggest the flylady.net. Many people write in and talk about how their little kids love the program, too. I also suggest, "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk" - this is a fabulous book with lots of illustrations - for quick help reads - that keeps you in charge in your household - keeps you in charge by teaching you actual skills to bring the kids along.

Yours are soooo young. They are just learning. They are just acting like you.

I understand the temptation to pretend it's them, to put it off on them. Even if it's all them, you must teach them, not punish them.

I would apologize to them for how you've handled this, truly. Sit them down and tell them you've been trying to figure out how to solve this problem and you need their help. Ask and really really listen to all their suggestions. Write them down - even and especially the silly suggestions.

so - try flylady.net, try the book, and try '5 minute pixies - a few times a day, ring a bell or something fun, announce a 5 minute pixie and work with your children picking an area up for 5 minutes. You are teaching them, don't punish them. They are still so young, they will be great helps to you if you get a routine for all of you going now.

Best wishes from one who struggles with you and is at least equally sick of cleaning.