Pls Help Me!!!?

Question

Im a seventeen year old teen mom. I just had my son three weeks ago. Im still with his dad but things are kinda going wrong. My mom keeps saying negative things about my boyfriend that arent true and im scared she is going to make him want to end up leaving. we've been together for four years off and on but two years straight. we were planning on getting married because we really love each other and want to be together for the rest of our lives. lately me and him have been fighting a lot and sometimes its over the things my mom has said or things that are going on at the moment. also lately ive been feeling like a single parent because now he isnt really coming around or even wanting to talk on the phone. he is a really good guy though. we're both still in school and he has recently gotten a job to help take care of the baby because i cant get a job right now because i have no one to watch our son. im really lost and confused. can some one give me some good advice on what to do pls??!!

Answer 1

WOW Honey, you have got a whole lot on your plate!
First things first. Yes, it does indeed sound like the baby's father is a good guy. He did not leave you during the pregnancy, he took responsibility. He has gotten a job so that he can do even more for you and the baby. Why on earth does your Mom want to pick on him? I have two daughters ( one is 22 and one is only 12) but I still say that he is doing a good job. Find out why your Mom wants to pick at him. Is she trying to drive him away? Does she blame him for getting you pregnant? Explain to her that she is causing problems between the two of you and that you do not want your baby's father to leave. Make that clear to her. Maybe if she understands that it would break your heart to lose him she will lighten up. I hope so.
Also, make sure that your boyfriend knows that you are on his side in this thing between him and your Mom. Let him know that your loyalty is with him, that should help. If you can make him understand that you are with him on this whole thing it should make him feel better. Do not let your mom divide the two of you.
If he stuck thru all this and is still around I doubt that you are going to lose him now. If he stuck with you this long, and now he has a baby with you, he is not going to take off. That is unless you let your Mom drive him away. It really is up to you not to let that happen.
Let him know that you are going to "stand by your man" (corny as that sounds) and let your mom know that also.
Hang in their honey, you have a rough way to go.
Write to me if you need someone to talk to or if there is anything more I can help you with.
Love and Blessings
Lady T~

Answer 2

Having a baby is stressful enough as it is and more so when you are young. I'm sure the stress is probably taking it's toll on the both of you and is contributing to your relationship problems. Was mom always negative about the boyfriend or only after you got pregnant? She might be looking at this like he's the one that's made her daughter's life really difficult right now. Talk to her about it and let her know your job is tough enough withought her negativity. The most important aspect of this is your baby. Focus on trying to be a good mom, and get yourself through school. I hope your boyfriend sticks things out with you, but if he doesn't then move on with your life. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

First of all I'd like to say I feel for you, although I was not in the same situation as you I work with girls like you all the time.

You're 17, yes. But you're also a mom and that comes first. Your age became irrelevent the moment you found out you were pregnant. It's time to get your life together. Mom? Boyfriend? That will all work out, your mom is your mom and will never change, although it wouldn't hurt to be upfront with her about how she's making problems worse between your and boyfirend. Your boyfriend obviously has got his own stuff going on, all you can do is let him know what you need from him to continue a relationship (you need to be thinking about your child here especially, what do you need from him as a dad?). If he can't commit to being a boyfirend/future husband, and father then he needs to back out completely and you two can set up visitation for your baby (get child support).

You need to figure out where you're going in life and start getting there. Finishing school is probably top priority, where are you going to live...with your mom forever? Try to think of ways you can make some money, babysit, clean somone's house, go grocery shopping for the elderly, offer to make dinner for people, maybe get a job in a daycare center...these are all things you can do with baby in tow, and there are a lot more as well.
Save up for a down payment on an apartment and utilities and get your life going ASAP. You need to take charge. Your son is depending on you to be a responsible person, he doesn't know you're 17, nor does he care.

What about a job for the future? Do you have a career path? Do you plan on working odd jobs for next 18 years? As a single mom (and that is what you should consider yourself until boyfriend moves in and marries you), you need to have a skill set, something that will make you decent money without taking all of your time. Being a single mom is hard, but not impossible.

Start studying now, you can read up online about organization and phone skills and go become a receptionist, you could read up on anatomy and physiology and go become CNA (certifited nurses assistant). Lot's of options! Start getting your head into your future.

Make a plan and get to work. You and your child will look back and be glad you did. I know a lot of people want to make it so you can finish your childhood even with a kid. That doesn't work.

My point in all this is, you have much bigger and better things to be worrying about than whether some punk kid is going to hang around, or whether your mom is being nasty to him. It's easy to become complacent when someone else is taking care of you, but it won't last for long. Try to look forward 5 years, how do you want your son to look at you?

Best of wishes for you and your child. :-)

Answer 4

You're both too young for this responsibility. I know you think he's the guy for you, but if he's not even calling you it's because he wants to get out of the relationship. Sorry, but what did you expect when you have a baby so young without being married? You had off and on times BEFORE the baby, things will just get worse now. Don't marry him (even though I don't think he'll give you the chance), it will just end in divorce. Move on...he's not into you anymore. Oh and get child support!

Answer 5

You two really need to sit down and talk things out. You need to find out wha you both want out of life first. Forinstant, finish school, which sounds like he is trying to do that, so give credit. Also sounds like he is trying, you said he has a job, good. He is trying there too. You are taking care of the baby, which takes a lot to handle. And if you really want to work, there are programs out there for child care, ask a school counslor. I'm sure they would be more than happy to try to get you help. You two need to listen to each other, and not what others might say or question. This is your future for you and him, and the baby. You need to discuss what is important for the three of you.

Answer 6

i kindof hate to say this bc ppl use to tell me this and i did not believe it. you will understand when you get older.
your mom is just worried about you and the baby, and she just wants the best for yall. i do hope for the best for yall. i do think yall need to go to a councler and all of yall sit down and have a long talk. try to invole the dad and the mom in things, like getting pictures made for the baby, get them to go shoping for the outfit together and go out to eat together, and maybe even have a falimy picture together. try not to give up. pray every day and have faith that the lord will help you threw this. it will be very hard if you do not have your boyfriend, and family backing you. go to church together, plan cook outs together, pray together. it will work out with sometime.
BUT..... if for some reason it does not, you hold your head up high, and smile and look at this beautiful baby you have. and thank the LORD everyday you have that!!!! The LORD will stand by you, he will not leave you and the baby...
good luck, and GOD bless you and your family.....

Answer 7

1. Your mom needs to learn how to be supportive, even in a not so great situation.
2. You should sit down with your boyfriend and have a really deep, difficult conversation. You need to talk through how your mom is affecting the relationship and how you will deal with it. You need to discuss your expectations of each others' contributions to parenting and the relationship. You need to figure out a plan for the future. Most importantly, you just need to communicate. It may be a little difficult to really deeply discuss some of these things, but you have to do or your relationship is all smoke and mirrors.

Answer 8

I feel for you. I'm assuming you and the baby are living with your mother right now. That is what makes things difficult for you. Your best bet is to trying explaining to your mother how you feel and if that doesn't make plans on graduating and getting a job. This way you can move out and make your own decisions. As for someone to watch your child there are programs out there that will help you with day care assistance. Good Luck!

Answer 9

you have gotten a lot of good answers all ready I myself think that in your situation I would tell your mother that " you love her .....but don't like the way she is talking to your boy friend or treating him and I would also say weather you and your boy friend get married or not is not her decision and she needs to butt out and let you make your own decisions " If she wants to give you advice as far as taking care of the baby that would be fine but if she is going to be negative about the b/f than she needs to zip her lip and stay quite how would she like it if you say moved in with him and she never saw the grand baby again because of the way she treated the b/f I also would go to the church and see what help they could give you there might be someone else there in your same shoes you could help each other out u know two young mothers you baby sit for her she babysit for you!!! take turns or see if there is a co-op day care like that in your area to do the same thing you might even start one if you are good at that start a day care if you are good with kids or see about working at one and asking about employee discounts for your own child to be there!!!!

also if your mom is too negative it will affect the baby in a bad way she needs to speak nice about the b/f even if she don't like him it is the baby's daddy and God choose him so she needs to butt out or argue with God!!!!
I beleive that if you and the b/f were allowed by God to have this baby it was for a reason!!! I am sure you can handle it I know sometimes it is hard but God never gives you anything you and him can handle togeather so talk to God today!!!! pray and pour your heart out to God he is always there to listen and he dose answer prayer!!!
God Bless

Answer 10

okay...you two have a plan (or at least there was a start of one) Both of you need to sit down and talk without interference of your mother. yes, there was a jump start on the whole baby making issue, but the two of you can work this out no matter what. don't let your mother judge where your relationship is going with your baby's father. (mother's have a tendency to do this). Sit down with your man and let him know you are on his side. and you want to raise this baby with him and not your mom. Especially if he is making it his responsibility to go out and support his child. give him the benefit of the doubt. he's still a kid himself and not sure how to act in this situation. keep in mind, even older (and supposedly more mature) men will do even less. both of you need to grow into this situation together. because no matter what, both of you are responsible for this child.