My ex husband is gay - know what?

Question

He just told me but the kids don't know yet - 8 yr old girl and 11 yr old boy. We've been separated for 7 years and have a good relationship with each other. I have decided that when the time comes he needs to tell the kids himself with me there. And I know that the kids will need some sort of couseling. But is there anything else I need to think of or any other advice?

Answer 1

well first off don't count your kids so weak, they may have always known that their father was gay. the gay subject today isn't as taboo as it was several years ago. when your ex tell the kids don't add anything to the conversation, just sit back and be supportive to both your ex and the kids. i think it is not going to be as hard and confusing as you make it sound. have faith!!! oh if the kids aren't as supportive then you should add something explaining to them that their isn't any different just because he says he gay. let them know that thier father is always going to be there for them no matter what. Good Luck!!!!!!

Answer 2

I've never been through anything like this, but one thing I think could possibly cause a problem and would need to be handled straight-up is to make sure that your children don't get the idea that they've been "lied to" all this time. That doesn't seem to make a lot of sense, but it's possible that after having a father who, for all their lives, has had this major thing in his life and never let on, they could get it in their heads that this is some sort of betrayal. Also, they could take their cues from you, so if you support your ex, even if they have issues at the beginning, they would probably come to feel the same way.

Make sure your ex-husband understands and is comfortable with the fact that your children will probably need some counseling, at least at first, and that you're both aware that in children that age, any range of reactions (or combination: they could appear to feel one way about it at first, then change) is normal and that they as children need to be given the right to work through the normal range of emotions. Being denied the right to feel how they feel can be even more damaging than simply finding out their father is gay. However, from your post, I can tell that you, and most likely your ex, are aware of that.

Like any other big news, provide unconditional love for them, and let them work it through, probably with the help of a counselor, or a family counselor or psychiatrist.

EDIT: I just read everyone else's posts. While his sex life is private and should ordinarily not be shared with his kids (as in, if he had an active life of one-night-stands, if he was into autoerotic asphixiation, etc.), this goes beyond his sexual preference into who he is. I really think that if you wait until you feel your kids are old enough or until daddy brings home his new boyfriend for Christmas dinner, they could respond by being much more hurt than if they were told fairly early on (I'm not suggesting parents of 3-year-olds try to explain this to their kids, but 8 and 11 is old enough for them to know and begin working through it, and young enough that they could probably come to accept it).

Answer 3

My Ex Husband Is Gay

Answer 4

Ummm, in all honesty his sexual life is none of their business. And he doesn't have to tell them.
When they are old enough they will figure it out for themselves and he is going to have to answer whatever questions they have-no matter how difficult.
And they will be looking to you on how to judge their father by what you say about him. As difficult as it may be. you two have kids together and neither parent should bad mouth the other. You said you have a good relationship, so that shouldn't be an issue :):):)
And I don't think that they will need therapy. Being gay isn't "contagious" and if they have a healthy understanding of it all, they're fine. I think the only reason that they would need therapy is if they either start acting out, show some serious
hate/resentment for their father OR you.
Its good you guys have a good relationship though, even though you're seperated you guys have kids and will forever be a team in raising them. Everything will be fine!
big hugs to you!

Answer 5

Here's how this works you your ex & the kids go to a Psychatrist and just you and your ex go in and explain the situation. the psychiatrist will help you and your ex figure out the best way to deal with the situation and will help you talk with the kids about their feelings at the same time. Don't tell the kids until you see they psychiatrist to help. If at all possible if your ex husband has a boyfriend he needs come along as well.

Answer 6

First thing, Do not over text her. She will get annoyed and if you keep telling her "TAKE ME BACK I LOVE YOU." Learn here https://tr.im/eFVPG

She will not want you even more. You need to show her that you don't need her and can live your life without her. She still cares about you I am sure. Maybe try "flirting" with other girls around her to make her jealous. I know its bad, but if i saw my ex flirting with someone else it would make me REALLY ANGRY. However, you still need to show her you care about her too. Show her what she's missing and remind her of it. Be confident and don't show your broken heart. Try ignoring her? Girls hate that. You want her to come to you. Once she does this YOU have all the power.

She will realize what you mean to her and she will hopefully come crawling back. (I am in the same situation as you, except I am the girl trying to get my ex back). Try not to be so clingy and give her space. But try to be around so she sees you, but don't talk to her much. Keep convos short and if you txt her, which you shouldn't, then also keep it short and bland. This will be hard to do because you just want to let her in your life again, but you can't. If you show her that you are desperate to get her back, she won't go for it. Make her come to you and REMIND her of all that she is missing out on. Hope this helps. And trust me, I know how you feel. Girls usually come around easier than guys so you should be lucky. ughh wish i could say the same.

Answer 7

Well, why do the kids need to know??? And even if they did know, I wouldn't really see the need for counselling, if it were explained to them. I know plenty of kids whose parents "switched" to be with the same sex, and they are fine. It should just never be introduced to them as a negative.

Sexual Orientation is not exactly the kids' business. Sure it is good to be honest, but do they need to know EVERYTHING. Especially if he doesn't plan to expose them to it. Even if they did meet a boyfriend of his, he could just say, "this is my friend...." It is a very personal topic, and if he feels that he wants to keep it from them, then he should be allowed to. All the children need to be concerned with is the love he has for them and the time they share.

Answer 8

I would say, "Keep the kids out of it." If they spend any time with
their Dad maybe they have already figured it out. If he is hiding
it when they come over by having Partner pretend to just be a
friend. I would be concerned about the 11 year old boy being at
your Ex's house alone and your son should know what is & isn't
inappropriate.

Answer 9

Why would your kids need couseling? Just tell them kids are much more accepting than you might think and they might already know esp. your boy. But I think you should wait until the kids start to ask questions to discuss it with them.

Answer 10

Of Course honesty is the best policy, but if it were me I would go with my ex to a counsler first without the children for guideance reguarding the best time to share with the kids. Also always keep in mind how cruel school age children can be to others. Your ex husband should be very careful not to put his children in uncomfortable situations with there piers. If he has a partner, it would probably be best for them not to attend school/sports events together. Just always remember that it is not about you, your ex or any partner, its about the kids and you will be fine.