I love my gay friend?

Question

Just saw a friend I hadn't seen in 3 yrs. At the time, we were close friends and hooked up. I moved but we stayed friends. Recently he came out as gay (I'm one of the first he's told), says he's "always known" and while he wasn't out then, didn't want to hurt my feelings by not rejecting me. I'm happy for him, but also feel stupid, thinking of our memories. I feel confused and unattractive for thinking he still thought about me romantically or was physically attracted to me. What confuses me is I remember he acted at the time to let me know he was interested in me as more than a friend and I'm not the type to initiate things. He's also had longterm relationships in past. Did he at least think I was pretty? Why would he use me as a "cover" if no one else knew about us? I feel foolish, like he was acting the whole time. I told him I loved him whether gay/straight but I started crying. I'm not in love and I don't have any agenda, I'd just like us to remain close but I think I scared him

To respond, I didn't nor do I currently have any intention of "scaring" him. I'm not hoping he turns out bi or entertaining any possibilities of a romantic future together. I'm just trying to reconcile and come to terms with the fact that he wasn't attracted to me I guess. Or that what was so meaningful to me wasn't for him. Thanks for all of your responses- they really help.

Answer 1

Common take life easy.
There is nothing wrong in loving somebody.
Love is a precious gift.
Isn't it?
Just be positive.
Things will go right.

Answer 2

There's nothing you can really do about what's said. Now you have to pull yourself together and focus on what you're going to do next.

I wouldn't advise scaring him. He still wants to be your friend, so let him work at his own pace. Perhaps he'll notice how much you love him, or perhaps he'll choose to ignore it in the hopes you'll stop. Either way, give him a bit of time to consider things. Maybe he'll turn out as bi, but if he's gay it sounds like another unhappy love story coming on.

If you love him then don't scare him. At the very least, treasure the sensation of being in his presence. If it will push him away, don't ask for any more than that. Good luck.

Answer 3

It sounds as if the revelation from your friend has caused you some distress and that it has caused you to question your own attractiveness.
From your description, it sounds as if he had/ has very strong feelings for you and that you were / are still very attractive to him. It is likely a case of him being confused as to his preferences and that he has been grappling with his sexual orientation for some time. The fact that you are the first he has told speaks of his respect and care for you.
Try to separate out your own attractiveness and desireability from his sexual status and orientation. These are two very separate issues. You have remained friends and I have a feeling you will always have this man's friendship. Enjoy the friendship while telling yourself that his sexual orientation doesn't change or take away from your beauty or desireablitly.