iasked this yesterday but i want opinions on this letter iam writing to an uncle who abused me as a child?

Question

You would think that after 13 years I would be past what you did to me. You would think that I might even be well adjusted to life in general, but 13 yrs after I fianally told someone what you were doing to me I am still full of questions. I have spent my adolescence trying to ingonre the sick feeling I get when a man touches me, while at the same time trying to get the approval of every man I meet. I don’t understand how a grown man could have lustful thoughts or feelings about a child…an innocent little girl! I had a therapist I was seeing immedeatly after I told. I saw her twice. During the second session she told me that what you did was my fault so I have put a lot of thought into that. The conclusion I came up with was that it takes a truly sick person to be aroused by a child.
I don’t know why I didn’t tell anyone everything you did. I think part of me was still a little girl who didn want to see her uncle glenny get into trouble. The other part of me was embarrassed to tel

anyone It makes me angry as hell that I didn’t tell and lately I have been thinking about the fact that there is no statue of limitations on sexual abuse. Technically I could go tell right now the rest of what I didn’t tell (because don’t you think for even a second that I have forgotten one second of any of it), but I realize that wouldn’t make me feel better. Besides if I did my kids would find out about you and it is my lifes goal to make sure they don’t know that you exist. I try to pretend you don’t but that doesn’t work.
In my opinion you got off lucky. Until now your family didn’t know what happened at all! I told uncle john. If I though Rhonda cared I would tell her and as for Grandma Jackie, I think I will spare her feelings and not tell her.

I do think that it is completely ****** UP that no one knew. I guess my parents non interest in worked out pretty well for you didn’t it…you got your own private sex toy for a few years and you didn’t even get a substantial *** whopping out of it. I guarantee you that if anyone ever so much as thinks about my daughter innapropriatly I will personally castrate him with a nail file then shove his balls down his throat am tape his mouth shut so he chokes to death on them…I think that is a appropriate punishment.

Answer 1

You typed that the therapist said it was "your fault." I am hoping that is a typo.

If you think that would help with your anger, then do it. However, I doubt that it would affect him or prevent him from molesting other children. He has an illness and could only be treated with therapy and I doubt that your letter would drive him to therapy.

I suggest that you file charges against him to prevent him from hurting other children. However, you would more than likely have the burden of proof put on you and the act would be exposed. You are not at fault for what has happened and should not feel dirty or bad.

Answer 2

As several people have pointed out above, your letter states that your therapist said that the sexual abuse was your fault, and I don't think that's what you meant to write, so you should correct that.

I agree with some others that you should report the abuse to the authorities. These days, with sex offender registries and such, reporting him would make it much less likely he would ever be able to get away with abusing another child.

I think you should take out the castration with a nail file part. It comes across as silly -- juvenile. Ending that way would be more likely to make him laugh at you than anything else. Men are not afraid of physical threats from women -- we think they're funny. I don't think him laughing at you is the effect you're seeking.

Overall, I thought the whole thing was quite sad. I hope you find the peace of mind for which you are searching.

Answer 3

I was also abused sexually by my own father. Yes he did do time in prison over it, it didn't change how I felt. Instead of talking or even letting him know how I felt, I turned to drugs to escape the reality of what he did to me. I am a addict because of how I was treated. I have been cleaned for 5 weeks, which to some may not be long but I am very proud of my self.

I think you should send this letter to him. You would probably feel better letting him no what he did to you. I also think you should go to a different thereapist. When I went 11 years ago I was pregnant at 15 and all the therapist did was tell me how I was stupid for having sex at a young age. Nothing he said had to do with what my father did to me. Two weeks ago I went to another therapist, and I loved him. He made me realize that holding things in can make you angry. You can also hurt the relationships you try to be in and until you admitt you need help you will never have a "normal" relationship. I was looking for a father figure in my relationships and ended up beaten and emotionally abused. After going to the therapist I was put on Lexapro a anti-depressant and Anxiety medicine. I feel so much better and I am now able to express to people how I feel and its so much easier letting out my anger, instead of letting it build up. I let it build up for 11 long years.

What I am trying to tell you is that you need to get a different therapist. It may take several of them befor you find one you are comfortable with. If you don't do this, you may turn to drugs or alcohol for this problem. Good luck. And go ahead and email me at [e-mail] I will talk to you if you need it.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for the pain you have endured. It appears that to this day you still haven't got the necessary closure. Obviously, the therapist you were seeing is very much out of line in the remarks made to you about it being your fault. You need to get yourself quickly to a new therapist and maybe even a lawyer who specializes in family law.
I would get some professional assistance in writing the letter you want to send your uncle. Confronting someone who committed this atrocious crime will help you get back your own sense of self esteem and will begin the healing process. Perhaps it has been therapeutic for you to vent on Yahoo answers and maybe you will get some good advice from others on this site. I think it is critical, however, for you to seek some good counselling. Do a little research in the area where you live...perhaps you could start with a talk with your family physician, a trusted friend, a family lawyer or another local support group. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Many of us, both male and female, have been abused by a relative or friend of the family at a young age. While it is difficult to deal with sometimes, the only way you will truly find peace is to find a way to forgive the jerk and forgive yourself for what you THINK you might have done to deserve such treatment. Move on with your life and forget the idiot who did that to you. If, however, you have knowledge that he is continuing to abuse people, report him to the authorities. If that doesn't work, try shoving a sawed off shotgun in his face and threaten that the next time you hear of something like that you will pull the trigger. (just kidding) Don't lower yourself to his level, but raise yourself beyond his level.

Love, Hope, Peace, & Christ Be With You,

Cal-el & Swissy

Answer 6

Good one, give it to him!!! And what kind of therapist tells someone that it was their fault that they were violated by a pedophile???!!! I think maybe you should come out about everything maybe it will help to know that he will be punished. And you also have to think about the fact that if he did it to you who knows if he has or will do it to anyone else! Coming out may save another child's life!!! I'm currently going through a similar situation with my lil' sister. She was molested by her father when she was 7, she's now 15 and is just coming out with everything. We have gone to the police and are going to take this to court and see that he is put away! What ever you decide to do is totally up to you and I hope that you find peace in your heart and mind either way. Also...find yourself a new therapist! Good luck hun, I'm so sorry to hear of your heartache!

Answer 7

I am so sorry about your situation. That's horrible what you uncle did. He has ruined your life. Most of the time childhood trauma like yours surface in adulthood and is impossible to deal with. for you info your therapist is wrong. it was not your fault..do u hear me? it si snot your fault sweetie...you were a child...children are scared when things like this happen. I think you should report him. I think you should tell all your family about him and see if you can give a peace of your mind. he is a f****ed up man...he needs help..who knows how many kids he is doing it too. so maybe you can save other kids from his cluthes.

You need to find another therapist and deal with this issue. again it is not your fault..and remeber, you are the victim here.

If you want to chat email me at [e-mail]. I feel your pain. I am so sorry..i know exactly how you feel.

Answer 8

i think that whatever you need to say is appropriate to put in the letter. He was wrong for what he did to you as a child and there is no exuse for it. I think that your therapist is wrong to say that it was your fault. I'm not sure what went on but as a child that wasn't your fault. Tell your uncle how you feel. How it's affected your life. I would recommend continuing to see a therapist. I hope that you continue to get the help you need. I pray your wounds heal and that you overcome whatever emotional obstacles you experience from dealing with this. Good luck in your future sweetie!

Answer 9

I can honestley say I understand, when I was was 3 it started with my mothers boyfriend. It lasted for several years. when something finally got said my mother did not want to believe it was true even with medical proof. I still hold that against her. I have just recentley got over having nightmares. The man that did this to my sister and myself only got probation. My grandmother swore if she ever got the chance she would kill him herself ( she was who we ended up living with). I can never get over what happened to me. It still hurts everyday. When ever I hear a name thats similar to his I get upset and about cry and its been longer than your situation. It is something you can never forget. My mother had a child with this sick bastard and I can't even talk to him b/c he always ask me why I hate his father. I can't put him in the middle of this, it would hurt him to much. So I just slowley lost touch with him on purpose. That also hurts me everyday. I'm not sure wich way would be better. My opinion on you writing this letter is that your not going to phase him one bit. He is a sick man and got pleasure out of what he did to you saying all that to him won't mean a thing. He might even get pleasure from knowing you still harbor all of them feelings and like you said he got away with it. If I had the chance to see the man who did this again I think I would turn and walk away. Now I live several states away. I did see him a few years after all of if came out and all he did was have this evil looking smile on his face, that I wil never forget. So as far as this letter, it does state exactly how you feel, but I don't know if you are going the right way by sending it to him. Everyone has thier own way of letting go and this might be your way I'm not sure. Definitly finish your letter then think about wether or not you really want him to read it. Maybe just by righting your feelings down it might make you fee better. If you realize you really do want him to know everything you hold inside b/c of him then go ahead send it.

Answer 10

Well. If this is real. You should definitely find a new therapist. Telling you it was your fault was not only wrong but extremely unprofessional. When I hear about psychiatrists acting this way it boggles my mind. Really though, I don't think this is the sort of thing you should be posting online....for your own well being.