More advice about my father; Please help!?

Question

I wouldn't say that my father is a bad man, but there are many conflicts in my family because of him. Conflicts are mostly with my mother. Since I was young he yells or shoves at her for the smallest thing, such as expressing an opinion he does not like. I have tried not to take sides, but have objectively seen that my mother is not doing anything. I know that it is common to fight in marriage, but I think this is too much and my whole family is feeling the effects. My father has never really been involved with me or my siblings as much as he could have, such as with school. He comes home and sits in front of the tv for hours. My mother tries to sit with him and talk to him but he isn't interested, or gets irritated. Here is a recent example: Yesterday my little sister came home from a soccer game with my mother and he was sitting in front of the tv. She told him that she scored three goals, and he just looked in front of the tv. She told him again and he said good, with no enthusiasm

My younger brother is not doing well in school. My mother has tried to talk about this with my father many times. She brought it up again, and he did not want to hear her. Then he went to yell at my brother. He's not a bad kid, but I think that he has problems concentrating. The way my father handles most things is to yell. So because my mother brought this up, he decided not to eat dinner with us for five nights. He did eat with us the last three nights, but just had a very mean face and gave my mother dirty looks. This is something that has been going on for a while. I just feel like my siblings and I are a burden, and he wants everyone to feel sorry for him. The problem is, I don't know what to do for him. I've been to counseling to try and deal with it, but I still can't help him. I'm 22 years old, and want to move out, but he will have a bloody fit. Should I just move out anyway, despite the consequences, or try to help my family out?

Answer 1

He's abusive. I'm really sorry. My dad was like that too. Not very invovled with the kids - angry and moody. There's really not much you can do to change him. After 20 something yrs of marriage my mom left my Dad. He kind of woke up, but not alot.

It causes problems with relationships w/ men as you become an adult. Really sucks!

Answer 2

Ok, this is a subject that is really close to my heart. My father was the same way, except he would hit my mother too. He was not physically abusive to me and my brother, but he was mentally abusive. There is no way to help him and the kids should not be put in the middle, but that is how it works sometimes. We moved out when I was 21 and he sucked my mother back in with the pity me thing, but that only lasted a year and then she finally divorced him. If you want to move out, then you should. I know it will be hard to leave your family, but if you get out maybe they will too, or you can help them to get out. I have not spoke to my father in 3 years, because he kept up the pity me thing and bad mouthed my mom. I will not have someone messing with my mom. Now he is alone in the world, the way he always acted like he wanted to be. I do feel sorry for him and hope one day he will see what he is missing, but it is not my job to change him. There is nothing you can do for him, I know, been here done this. You need to look down in your heart and do what you think is the right thing to do. The longer you are there though, the worse it is going to be for you, just make sure not to fall in a pattern. You have to break the pattern and not become your mom, find a man who treats you right. I did, because I wasn't going to let my kids grow up like I did. Good luck!!

Answer 3

I don't know what is going on with your parents. Does your father have a mental illness; perhaps something is going on between your parents that you know nothing about. Listen, it is not okay to physically fight in a marriage. Do not think that in a loving marriage, one partner shoves the other; that is abuse. If you don't realize this now, you may end up in a relationship with an abusive person because you think that your father's behavior is acceptable.

If you are able, talk to your mother about your feelings and see if she can clear things up for you.

Answer 4

So sorry to hear that you are in this situation. He will be sorry someday when you are all grown up and he realizes all that he missed. Everyday I am look at my children and think how fast they are growing up and how I will miss the time we spend together. It is not uncommon for a husband and wife to argue now and then, but it sounds like this goes well beyound that. I would advise that you not try to step in on your mothers behalf, especially if it is psyhical between them. If he lays a hand on her then you need to dial 911. You need to talk to your mother and let her know your feelings, if you havent already. If he is hitting her then she needs to get you and your siblings out of there. As for him not showing the affection and attention you deserve, just try to savor any good moments you have with him and maybe write him a letter and explain to him that you want him to be invovled more. Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 5

Your dad is a jerk. Has he always acted this way towards you kids? A lot of anger and hatred in your dads heart. Yes Arguing in a marriage is common, but once it turns physical, its grounds for some correction. Verbal abuse can be just as effective as physical . Either way, your mom should do better for herself and you kids. No one deserves that at all. If your dad wants to be miserable, let him be miserable by himself. Don't let him drag you or the rest of your family down in his hole. Ignore him, Don't tell him the accomplishments that you have made. He will miss the time he wasted when he is old and dying and none of you want to be with him. Regret will be his ultimate demise.

Answer 6

sounds like your dad is either really unhappy or just plain selfish talk to your mom and tell her that you are being affected by their marriage which is obviously unhappy and by your dad's dis engagement with the family.Maybe she will realize that things have to change or she would be better off without him.Trust me i lived with an abusive father for the first ten years of my life and it did me no favors for my parents to stay together.I don't have a relationship with my father and its the best thing that could have ever happen to me.Just talk to your mom and explain it is changing you as a person if she doesn't respond to that i would just try and get thru things as best as you possibly can it doesn't last forever.good luck

Answer 7

It is never okay to be pushed by someone. This is physical abuse. Your Dad might not ever be a participating figure in your family. It sounds like he is content in being in his own little world.
Do not let this stop you from being the best person that you can be. Encourage your siblings to be their best too. The sky is the limit for all of you.
God Bless.

Answer 8

I hate to talk bad about anyone's father, but your dad is beyond being a jerk. He is also abusive. And your mother shouldn't be putting up with it. Name calling is one thing, ( not good at all.), but the pushing is actually physical abuse and considered domestic violence and could get him put in jail. He needs counseling to say the least.

Answer 9

it will help your family more if you move out than if you stay and put up with things but you should move out because you are ready to take control of your own life, not just to get away from that situation.
sure, your father is a grouch but it's possible he's just feeling worn down by life.
giving him some space will allow him to calm down.

Answer 10

You And Your Mother Dont Deserve That.