When a dog dies that you have had for many years..how do you get over the hurt?

Question

She was 13 yrs old and I had left her at a kennel for a few days while I went away....she died..the vet said it was her heart..... I feel quilty...

Answer 1

Our pets’ lives are shorter than ours. The moment we get a new kitten or puppy, we are setting ourselves up for the sad day when we will have to say goodbye. Most people don’t think about it, some do, and some even refuse to have any pets for that reason. “You get attached to that dog or cat,” they say, “you live with them all those years, and then they die… And what are you supposed to do?” Those people don’t want to go through the loss, so they rob themselves of the joy of having a pet altogether. I think they are missing out, big time, but in a way, I can understand them: losing your little friend is very hard.

I remember talking to a co-worker who had to euthanize the family dog, a companion of over ten years, if I am not mistaken. The lady could barely go through the office routine, she was overpowered by grief; all she could think of was the dog’s death. She had come to me and shared about what happened, knowing that I was an animal lover myself and I would understand. “Please, don’t tell anyone else,” she had asked. “Some people just don’t get it, and I don’t need them to be making fun.”

She was right: some people “don’t get it,” they can’t understand the bond between a human and a dog or a cat, and therefore tend to look down on those who are devastated “just because of a pet.” I have heard all kinds of cruel things. “They don’t have a life, that’s why they are so crazy about that cat.” “They weep over that dog as if it were human.” “They don’t know what real suffering is, that’s why their cat’s death is the end of the world to them.” It is comments like this that make the pet owner, already hurting enough, feel guilty, silly, or immature, and hide their pain.

It’s okay to grieve

The first thing you need to understand is that it is okay to grieve. You have lost someone you loved, and your sadness and pain are natural. Do not let those who can’t understand it shame you into feeling bad about it. They don’t know how special your pet was to you; only you do. You are not immature or overly sentimental, and you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. What exactly are they accusing you of? Only of having a bigger heart than theirs.

You will probably go through the same stages of grief people go through when they lose a loved one: denial, anger, depression, and maybe some guilt. “If only I did this or that, he might be still alive…” Do not focus on that. More than likely, you have done all you could for your friend.

Another thing I would advise is that you should not grieve alone. Talk to other pet owners, they will understand you better than anyone else. If you don’t feel like talking to anyone in person, Internet is a great solution: there are many pet-related discussion forums you can go to, including some specifically dedicated to pet loss support. Go there and share your story, tell about all those wonderful special moments your friend had brought to your life. Post a picture of him or her for others to see, if you’d like. You will probably cry as you share it all, and then when you read other pet owners’ replies to your post. Crying is good. Letting the pain out is better than locking it up inside.

Getting a new pet

Should you get a new pet? And how soon? Only you can answer these questions. Some people cope with the loss better by adopting another pet right away, others need time. Some feel that by getting a new pet they are “betraying” the old one, and therefore refuse to do so.

I don’t think that getting a new pet shows disloyalty to the old one, or that you have easily forgotten and replaced them. Your memories will always stay with you. You did not stop loving your pet the moment they died, and who says you cannot love more than one?

Children can be very sensitive to it as well, they might resent the new pet for trying to take the place of the old one. “I don’t want this new dog, I want my Tommy!” is a common reaction. That is why it is very important to make the decision about taking a new pet together, and explain to the child that you are not “replacing” Tommy. You still love and remember Tommy, and you are getting a new friend to love. Tommy would not feel bad because of it.

It is usually not recommended to get an exact look-alike of your old pet and especially to give them the same name. Do not try to deceive yourself into believing that you have your old companion back, you know it is not possible. This new pet is different, it will behave differently and never live up to your expectations of being just like the old one. Accept your new friend as they are, and love them for it.

I have had many pets, and it does not get any easier when the time comes to part with them. But I think the joy they bring into my life is far greater.

Answer 2

First, I'm sorry you're hurting but you should NOT feel guilty! Different breeds live longer than others, but 13 is a good long life for any kind of dog! You cared for her and loved her for a long time and she knew that! As far as "leaving her at a kennel" making you feel guilty, don't let it! You obviously took her to a place you trusted and you could not have known she would die there. She could've died sooner than 13 years! Some dogs have been known to hang on so that they would not die in front of or around their owners! She went quietly and peacefully because it was her time, that's all. I don't know about jumping right in to another puppy because it's been many years since you had to put up with a young dog. The timing right now may not be the best to get caught up in training a new puppy, it may aggravate you more than do good "right now."

I can tell you that grief is AWFUL whether a pet or a family member! What my Grandmother told me when my Mother was killed (and I thought I would stop breathing!) is, "Some days it will seem like it just happened today and you start crying until you feel like you can't stop, then other days you won't think about it at all until something reminds you. In time, the time in between the crying and hurting gets bigger and bigger. There will always be those days when it seems like it happened today, but the time you don't think about it grows and grows too..."

This is true for me and I hope it'll help you. I'm too am sorry for your loss. Try and stay busy and DON'T hang around the house! :-)

Answer 3

Don't think that it is your fault, it is a natural par o flife.I understand where you have been and I know that crying or maybe talking t somebody(you don't have to talk about your doggy) just spending time with somebody that you know will not be judgemantal if you feel the ned to cry.I have told me BFF and my BF they all helped to ease my pain and I know that if you have any pictures of your pal you can make an album. In time if you are ready you can adopt another dog.Don't rush yourself into getting a new one because that can hurt even more. What Ii did when my first dog passed away I didn't think of it as they died I thought that they had gone a personal vacation for your entire life and that you would have to go and pick them up at the airport when you arrived. You also shouldn't feel guilty that the fact that the kennel was the place just know that she is in a happy plce now. Maybe she was sick and now sher is relieved!

i also just would sit in my room and read a book or stitch/sew/knit something.or just sit with a stuffed amimal or look at a young childhood toy!\



Sorry for your loss
missy_pink136

Answer 4

Everyone deals with the loss differently. I lost my dog and it took me 6 years before I adopted another one. I cannot run out & buy another one jst to fill a void. It could take you years like me, or a couple weeks like my friend. It is just important that you do not beat yourself up about it. You did nothing wrong and you must have given the dog much love & care for it to have been 13 yrs old. So be happy for that time together. Be happy for the times she made you laugh watching her silliness or that she sat by you when you were feeling down or ill. Just take time. And there will be the people that do not understand why you are so sad over an animal (as they put it) but do not take them on. I cried for weeks over my baby dying, he was only 5 years old and has a massive heartattack. Right in front of me, it was tragic. Like I said, weeks I cried. I will still cry, as I am writing this, I am starting. They are a part of our lives, they touch our lives and souls and that is to be cherished.
Do not wallow in your pain, do not let it consume you. Just let yourself be sad and then move on with life. Find someone you can talk to about it when you are having a rough time, someone that you trust.
I believe in allowing time to heal the loss and sadness. Everyone is different, my friend ran out and adopted a new puppy after hers died at 14 yrs old. I am ALL FOR ADOPTION!!!! I volunteer at our shelter and it breaks my heart to see so many homeless dogs that would give you everything just to be loved. I adopted 2 and they show me their gratitude everyday. I adopted a Rhodesian Ridgeback, and a Ridgeback/Pit Bull mix. Just a thought.
And I am very sorry for your loss. I know the pain and it hurts terribly. Your girl had a full happy life it was just her time. You cannot beat yourself up about it. Just take time and see what you want once your grief has eased up.

Answer 5

I had a dog that died after having him my whole life. He died in his sleep but I dont know what caused it and neither does the vet. Well to help me with the grief I wrote down all the good things about him.. I dont know why it helped but it did. You cant feel guilty because you didnt know.. you sent her to the kennel while you were away because you love her and wanted her to have proper care while you were away and thats the best thing to do. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope my answer helps you.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry that your dog died. Please try not to feel guilty. You left her at a kennel so that she would be well cared for. It was just her time. Remember that you gave her many years of love and happiness. Your pain will lessen over time. Try to focus your thoughts on the great life you gave her over the years. Try to keep busy. Maybe make a donation to an animal shelter in her name. I wish I had something to say that would take the pain away, but unfortunately it takes time. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

It happens to all of us who have animals -- even had my horse have a heart attack and die in my arms on a Saturday morning. You remember how wonderful they were, and you go to the pound or a rescue place and get another. Have had 7 dogs over the years, and have tried to never have two of the same breed of the same age. When one died or had to be euthanized, just went to a shelter, and got another. The others still glow in our hearts, but we feel good that we have never added to the pet population problem, and adopted adult dogs, who forever showed how grateful they were with loyality and unconditional love.

Answer 8

Death can happen at any time; do not feel guilty. Adopt a new dog. The only way to feel better is to give a chance to another dog who needs a loving home. You will heal each other and help each other.

When my beloved cat died, I got a new kitten a week later. It wasn't to replace my cat, but to move on and offer another chance to another stray. Now this kitten is the love of my life and has given me so much joy. He didn't end the pain of losing the other cat, but it made it easier and gave me hope.

Answer 9

You know it could have happened at home as well as at the kennel. It is so difficult to get over, I know. I had to put my Lhasa down due to health reasons and thought I would wait awhile before I got another dog. I lasted a month, but everyone is different. Try keeping yourself occupied.

Answer 10

About the only thing to help get over the hurt is brand new baby puppy breath. It helps, but does not take all the pain away. After 5 yrs, I still miss my first Dane. It still hurts at times.
A new puppy isn't the same and never will be, but it helps.