My dear was diagnosed with cancer 3 weeks ago. She called yesterday to tell me they give her 2 weeks to live?

Question

Please help me have the right words to say to her when I go visit and talk on the phone and how I can help her. How do I prepare myself for her? Please don't say pray; I do, seriously. I need more;action I can take, something I can do for her while she is still here with us. How do I present myself? Cheerful? What if I cry and say the wrong things? How can I help her hubby, too? I am strong in the Christian faith but, don't speak well. Please help me help my dear friend. I don't care what religion you are. There is only one God and we all believe in Him in our own way. I'm Catholic. Any advice for me? I don't care what you believe. Talk to me, please.

Answer 1

She is going to be fine.
I'm not saying the doctors don't know what they're talking about, but doctors are very prone to exaggeration. She probably isn't going to die at all... so lighten up.

If you honestly believe she is going to die... If you start feeling sorrowful.... she will sense it. She will KNOW it.... and she will feel it too. If you suffer... she will suffer.... and then she probably will die.

The health of the mind controls the health of the body.
Think positively. Ensure she does the same.
Let not a shred of doubt enter your mind that she will survive.... nor hers.

Leave the gods out of it.... This is a matter of attitude.... and you need to be resolute for her sake. Make sure her husband knows too. SHE WILL SURVIVE.

Answer 2

Be honest with your feelings

Listen to her and let her 'tell' you how she wants her last 2 weeks

Alot would also depend on how she views death and if she is really focused on it.

Also there is the possibility of fighting cancer, it doesn't have to be the end just yet. Still, rather than give her false hope, maybe you can enquire into her particular condition, look up info on the web and see if its possible to 'beat' it.

If it is definite that she is 'on her way out', then let her make the decisions. I am sure she wont ask for too much. Let her go with Life not Drama
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Your own advice from one of your own answers to similar question
"Get info from your local "Relay For Life" and start a team in her name and everyone participate. Positive attitude is very important and this is a GREAT event. It comes around once a year. Until then send a card, make a prayer quilt, take goodies to the family. There are millions of little things you can do throughout this that will matter to your friend and her family. It's tough. Most people don't know what to say or do so they end up avoiding it altogether. Just at least do some "little thing" when you get the mind to it now and again. Let your light shine!"

Answer 3

Bring food - enough for several meals, so she won't have to cook. Bring the most gorgeous spray of flowers you can find. Now, as for crying - it's OK, because you are sad, and so is she. It is natural to cry and hug and show compassion! I wouldn't be fake - she knows you aren't cheerful, you're despondent, for good cause. You know what would be awesome if you could afford it? A day at a fancy spa for the two of you, and any sisters she may have (sisters can pay their own way, and possibly split the cost for her). If I only had a couple weeks to live, I'd want to cram as much in as I could. Don't worry about saying the wrong things - just say how sorry you are. I don't think words are as important as you simply being with her and loving her. Ask her what she wants to do that day, and listen, and try to make it happen.

Answer 4

If you're reasonably sure she's truly going to die soon, just be there for her, and do whatever it is she needs you to do.

Also, if she's Catholic, convince her to have a priest come out and give her anointing of the sick.

My father was near death twice, and miraculously recovered each time, right after being anointed.

Finally, if it appears that death is imminent, make sure your priest also administers the apostolic blessing, or pardon, which many modern priests don't even know about.

Print out the text below. Keep it handy. Ask the priest to administer the blessing when he visits. Then, keep it for future use. You never know when you, or someone else might need it.

Here it is:

"Through the holy mysteries of our redemption, may almighty God release you from all punishments in this life and in the life to come. May He open to you the gates of paradise and welcome you to everlasting joy.

By the authority which the Apostolic See has given me, I grant you a full pardon and the remission of all your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."

This blessing is a little known Catholic "death benefit" which absolves the individual of sin, eliminates the need for any stay in Purgatory, and conducts the soul of the deceased directly to heaven.

The apostolic pardon, along with the standard Catholic funeral Mass, is the most loving and considerate thing you can do for one who's soul is in the process of leaving this world.

You may also want to pray the Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet with her, for her benefit, and for the benefit of all your family and friends.

If you need more information, send me an email.

May God bless you and yours at this very difficult time.

Answer 5

If you keep an open mind about other peoples belief, then this may help:
Let her know that she is the soul and not the body. The body must eventually die, but the soul, who she really is, lives on. The soul will take birth on this earth again and again to continue working out its 'karma' untill it is pure enough to merge into oneness with the Supreme from where it first came. During the time that the soul is not on earth, it will be held in at different levels of the heavenly plains according to what it deserves.

Just as we drive our car, so to we, the soul drives this body through life. The body is not really the important thing here, but the soul for thats who we really are.

This will be comforting to know at the time of death or near death, even if the person does not believe. Be calm and collective and seem contented when you are with her. Everyone at this time would feel comforted, knowing that they will live again. It is however, the truth.

Good luck and all the best.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. If she has kids maybe you could offer to write down anything she would like to know or remember, example if she has a daughter she may want to have you write a letter for the daughter to read on her wedding day. Ask her if there is anything she would like to do, if she is able to get out of bed. If not then try to bring it to her. Spend as much time as possible with her. I know you probably don't want to cry in front of her, but it may help you both, I'm sure she is probably sad that she is no longer going to be here with her friends and family. Give her to chance to release her feeling, she might be trying to up a big front and try to be strong for everyone else. She needs to be able to let it out. Remember all the good time and even the bad ones, they have both made your friendship strong. I wish you well, I hope you will be able to do what you want to do with her in her last weeks. I will pray for you and her. I feel for you and her. If you need someone that you can talk with just e-mail me.

Answer 7

This summer my best friend was given the same death sentence. However she lived 2 more months instead of 2 weeks.
I very much feel for you and know how tough this situation is. Whatever you do when you see them is OK. It is sad for everyone. What matters most is that you be with them. You can cry, laugh, talk, sing, pray, be quiet, walk the floor, whatever just be with them. Don't stay away. This is a rare opportunity for you to spend as much time as possible with your dear one. You will be so glad you did.
Good luck my dear.

Answer 8

Don't worry if you cry. Do something that would take your friends mind off the fact she is dying. Be inventive. Do something that was always her favorite thing to do. Sometimes its not always in our words but our actions. So don't say something but do something. Does she love going to the Zoo, well take her, and call ahead and set up some deal for your friend. Like see if they will let her pet her favorite animal. If Zoo isn't her favorite thing, then think of what it is that she would like to do most. Hope this all makes sence.

Answer 9

Be yourself. There is no right or wrong way to approch this. If you pretend to be cheerful, she'll know. Be honest with her. As a Catholic, try praying a novena to St. Perigrine and St. Rapheal to intercede on your behalf for your friend. I know you said, "Don't say pray" but it can't hurt. I did that for a friend of mine who was also in danger of dying from cancer, and he has lived two years cancer free since then.

ANd don't worry about saying the wrong things. AS I said, there is no right or wrong way about this. May God bless you and your friend. You're both in my heart and prayers.

Answer 10

This is my worst suit. Death. I believe myself to be the same as you.. bad with words.

Maybe you can sit back and write something out? Something for her to read on her own or with her hubby? Then at least you can reread what you are saying.. try to capture all the good times and such you've had together. Then, if you say something wrong.. it wont be SOO bad cause when she reads what you leave for her, she'll be able to understand. I would even write about this worry.. she'll understand.