My mom's second husband who adopted me when I was 4 was never really there for me after he left my mom when I was 7
He's been mean to me at times and fought with me. I also don't get along that good with his new wife or her two children. I feel that they only call me when there is a family event or birthday, but they want to come up and visit me and my husband on Sat. Literally the thought of them coming up makes me sick, I get so nervous I start shaking and feel like throwing up...how do I end it with him and his wife so they'll leave me and my husband alone? I'm afraid to write him a letter telling him how I feel because I think they'll show there friends/family. (they are that mean) I am also afraid to do it by phone because then I'll look like the bad guy, but this is not the case at all there's too many things he's done in my life to hurt me (long story)..What should I do?
2006-10-20 02:50:41 · 15 answers · asked by GD-Fan 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Look... There's this wonderful new invention which I highly recommend -- it's called a "backbone." I urge to run out and get one NOW!
This person isn't a part of your life, so why do you care what he thinks or who he talks to? Write him a letter, telling him that you've moved on and let the chips fall where they may.
You cannot (I repeat -- you CANNOT) live your life worried about what other people think of you. If you believe you are justified, then break it off now. You obviously have severe esteem issues, and you need to stop grovelling for the approval of others.
Stand up like an adult. Break it off, and let go of the past. Move On!
2006-10-20 02:58:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounded like he had good intention in the begining. he adopted you.. Children always have problems of some sort with the step parent.. You don't have to get along with them.. and you have a life of your own to live now. If he makes you feel this bad and is interfering with your married life now. go and talk to him and tell him how you are feeling and include his wife in the conversation.. they are a team of sorts now and there children have nothing to do with you.. he thinks since he adopted you that you should be part of his life.. you are grown now.. tell him that you don't want to participate in there family functions..that you have your own life to take care of.. you think that he was mean to you when you were a kid.. what kind of mean are you talking about. . tell him about how you are feeling.. and that you don't want them to come and visit anymore.. I guess you have your chance for this conversation on Saturday.. how does your husband feel about how you are feelings is he standing by you with your decisions.
talk to you husband and see if he has any suggestions for you and make sure that he is going to stand by your decisions about telling them you don't want them in your life anymore..
make sure that this is what you want to do because once you open your mouth and say what you are wanting to say it can't be taken back..
same as if you decide to write a letter to them , don't put anything ever on paper that you can't take back later,. tell them that you need some space and would appreciate the time to think about some things that you are having some problems.
and decide what you want to do later,
give yourself a break here girl. this is a big decision you are about to make.
2006-10-20 10:23:05 · answer #2 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes you have to be the bad person to make things right. The best way would be to tell him and his wife face to face. Meet somewhere and bring your husband with you. Then tell him all the reasons why you want to end your relationship with his family. That way, you will get it out in front of him and you can see his reaction to it. Then after you are done, just stand up and leave and never look back.
2006-10-20 10:07:18 · answer #3 · answered by Jon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I understand correctly, you had three years with this man who is not your biological father and he has never treated you well. It doesn't appear you have any obligation to him or his new family. I wouldn't recommend writing a letter, that will come back and bite you. Personally, I think it would be very appropriate for your husband to call and nicely tell them you are not available to visit on Saturday and frankly his wife (you) are not comfortable having him around. They may very well respond in anger or with gossip, but who really cares. Anyone who would believe them probably isn't a close friend of yours anyway; and you will get your weekend back.
2006-10-20 10:00:05 · answer #4 · answered by hutmikttmuk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok. This is a delicate situation. Look, why tell him? You think that he would actually care. DO you think that if they knew it would take away all the hurt from childhood. and listen just because he adopted your behind does'nt make him less of a father. And Be greatful that they only contact you during those times. REALLY BE GLAD.. and you can not do much but place distance between you too.. You can never erase the pain. You can however forgive and protect yourself.... and him.
peace
2006-10-20 09:57:16 · answer #5 · answered by SECRET woman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say you have suffered his wrath long enough. You are still under his spell. You are a woman now with a family and your husband and children are your top priority. Forget what he says and wants and who he tells it to. You can not live the rest of your life being a nervous wreck at the mentioning of his name. Tell him you don't want anything else to do with him and to leave your family alone.
2006-10-20 10:36:02 · answer #6 · answered by kryptonnite2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are so emotional about this, then he and his wife needs to be told, If you can't do it a letter will do the trick, who cares who they show it to, if it is the facts. Tell him seeing him, brings back all of the emotional scares of your childhood, and say, you know what I mean, say I do not want to spell it out for you dad, but you know what you did to me and the family. Say right now, at this point of my life, I think it will be best, if we just stay our distance from each, other.
2006-10-20 10:01:59 · answer #7 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it the case we can't choose our family, not even step-families.
This is your home and family they are intruding on.
It needs to stop now before you become a nervous wreck.
If you cannot face an argument with them, do it with your husband for moral support.
And don't be concerned about what any fall out that may occur. It will blow over in time, stick to your guns. .
2006-10-20 09:55:43 · answer #8 · answered by Yellowstonedogs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your better off telling him to his face and yes that means they will have to come and visit you but your better off that way..... your right that it's not a good idea in writign a letter but you shlouldn't call either .... this might just be the hardest thing you would do towards family but with the support from your husband and the rest of the family you could do it..... your better off talking to him one on one or if you feel better tell him in front of your husband so things won't get out of control..... always have a backup..... it's going to hurt no matter how bad you try to be good......
2006-10-20 10:48:31 · answer #9 · answered by lovargirl158 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him the truth while other people are around and then turn and walk away before he has a chance to say anything to you at all. Then act as if nothing else has happened. And enjoy the day knowing you got the last word.
2006-10-20 10:20:27 · answer #10 · answered by tannamoad 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋