more children with him..i feel he is harder on her and he has called her a few choice words..she is ten..that is not apropriate..such as whore and "n" word but at 2 different occasions i left for the evening on both occasions.. but to me this is mental abouse she doesnt need to be exposed to such violent anger. i talk to him about he either denies he said it or just is an asshole about it..we have been together 6 years now.. ijust dont know what to do..theres alot of money situations that are tied up with us so if i pick up and leave ill be screwed in a sense with money because we are married..i just dont know what to do in my head it just seems so much more complicated then to just pick up and go.. i live in florida and my family is in pa.. its just such a long haul but if i gotta do it i will ..just wanted some thoughts of what others think from an outside opinion with the least amount of details i can give cuz i can go on and on about this situation
2006-10-20 02:23:55 · 13 answers · asked by hooteehoo2u 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
How can that man seriously insult a child who is part of you? Mom, take care of your kid first, whatever it takes. The damage inflicted by this man on your daughter will affect her the rest of her life--he is her male role model now.
2006-10-20 02:28:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you situation. I too have a daughter from a previous marriage. My husband has adopted my daughter and he has from the very begining considered her his. But, he is exteremly hard on her, he often gave her punishments that were outrageous. We faught often about his treatment towards her. I think we fought for about 4 years over it, sometimes he would relax a little bit and then he would go right back to being a butthead towards her. I always thought that he was so hard because she was not his biological daughter, maybe if she was he would be a little softer with her. I'll have to say he never called her any names but he did yell at her a lot and cuss at her alot. Well about a year ago I had all I could take, I made him leave. He stayed away for about 2 weeks and then he begged me to come home. I told him he had to get counseling and things had to change because I could no longer take it, my anger towards his treatment of my daughter was causing me to hate him. I think that really sunk in for him. We went to marriage counseling for about 6 months together and then we did another 6 months with our daughter. During the sessions with our daughter he really got see how much his words had hurt her. It really broke him, I'm very glad to say that he has really turned around. Don't get me wrong he still gets angry with her, but he doesn't lash out at her anymore. I suggest you take some drastic steps, your daughters future is at stake much more than yours is. You don't want her growing up thinking that this is the way men treat you. She'll just end up getting into relationships that are not healthy for her. I know it's not easy, I too struggled with the fears of how I would manage financially and how I would be able to function as a single mother. But you know I started thinking that all my fears were of things that I would be in control of, I would work it out some how. My situation with my husband was the one thing that I could not control. If he had not been willing to change I would have left him. It would have been hard but I would have managed. So as you can see I've been there, you just get to a point where you have to do something for your sake as well as your daughter and your other children. If you ever need someone to email and vent to let me know. I know what your going through.
Good luck.
2006-10-20 02:48:24 · answer #2 · answered by words777 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with you 101%. If her biological father is in her life then that's that. My neighbor died, he was slightly older than my 64 years. His granddaughter and I have been friends for a decade or more. She asked me if I would be her surrogate grandfather. That was a thrill for me. She calls me Surrogate. I'm not her grandfather, I'm just standing in for him. Your husband needs to know that while he may love your daughter she is YOUR daughter. And, he is not her father. As far as I am concerned the only person with two "Daddy's" has to be adopted. Everyone in this relationship needs to understand that the daughter is the important one. She alone is the one to make this call. If she is uncomfortable calling anyone "Dad" except her biological father then that's the end of it.
2016-03-28 02:25:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT- RUN OUT- GET THE HELL OUT. There is NO excuse for negative, hurt full, self-esteem lowering verbal abuse from anyone for any reason.
No amount of money is worth or justifies putting your kids, nor you thru that. If you are upset at adult partner, you don't take it out on children. If you can't get over being upset with your partner then get out, get on with your life.
I understand the money situation but, staying your children's mental/emotion health (as well as your) is "screwed". Don't sell your soul and mental health for the almighty dollar.
Leaving and starting over ain't easy but staying is more difficult and dangerous to you and the kids. You have asked a question you already know/have the answer to.
Personally I don't know why you would be so (whatever) to have two kids with that knucklehead. Your children are experience neglect/abuse from him and you are an accomplice if you don't take positive steps to correct/protect them.
If you need/want to discuss/emote more feel free to contact me.
2006-10-20 03:24:42 · answer #4 · answered by GERALD S. MCSEE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that situation with your daughter is complex because it involves so many aspects.
Is there anyone in your family you trust to hold money for you? You could slowly send money there to be used in an emergency, but that would need to be hidden from your husband.
If things get worse, could you send your daughter to live with your family? Obviously, it would be less disruptive for her if you did that at the end of a school year.
Difficult as it may be for you, you should also consider moving back to your family with your daughter and leave the two young ones with him.
2006-10-20 03:57:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do some praying, you don't want your child to hate you for allowing this to go on. Not saying that it is your fault, but children feelings are way more important then ours. And also that will cause confusion between her and the other siblings. Girl get it together.Find some one that will love you and the kids with know problem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-20 02:40:21 · answer #6 · answered by lesa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel for the child and very sorry he got a stepfather who is an ***, why don't you get a lawyer and report the situation to a child protection agency and i think they have some professional who can help you and your daughter, she does not deserve to be treated like the way your husband is treating her!
2006-10-20 02:29:12 · answer #7 · answered by livinhapi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I THINK YOU NEED TO GET SOME PARENTING COUNSELING FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND BEFORE SOMETHING DRASTIC HAPPENS. AND IF THIS IS HAPPENING WHEN YOU ARE AAWAY THE CHILD MAY FEEL AS IF YOU ARE NOT THERE FOR HERE WHEN SHE NEEDS YOU. MAYBE YOU SHOULD USE A CELL PHONE TO RECORD WHAT HE SAYS IF YOU HAVE NOT HEARD HIM SAY IT. BUT YOU DONT WANT TO SCAR THE CHILD IF SHE IS ALREADY
2006-10-20 03:08:17 · answer #8 · answered by GEE GEE 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never let ANYONE treat your children that way. Leave him not only for yourself but also for your children. Good Luck with everything.
2006-10-20 02:27:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I feel so bad for your daughter. Imagine how she feels. That poor little girl! Get away from that guy before he ruins her life...if he hasn't already.
2006-10-20 02:27:44 · answer #10 · answered by toobusy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋