My school friend has been caring for her demanding elderly father for almost five years. She had to give up her job and her savings are almost gone. She hasn't been out of the house except for errands in almost a year and cannont have frineds in. Dad won't allow outside help. Radio shrink Dr. Laura says she's doing the right thing, it's her moral obligation. I don't think so.. I think it's destroying her life. What do you think?
2006-10-20 02:21:00 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yea she needs to find outside help, one person can't do it alone, Dad is just being stubborn because he doesn't trust anyone else but his daughter. IF ANYTHING, she needs to focus on herself, get a good career, all that, so that she can have enough money to support her father better with professional help, maybe get him a fine *** nurse or something at his house so that whole "i need my daughter to take care of me" will turn into "my fine nurse needs to give me my bath dammit". But she can't do anything if she can't live, so if she kept sacrificing for her father, either SHE'S gonna die first and then what's dad gonna do? Or her own life she won't be able to support, and then soon she'll be in the same boat as dad......so it's better to get help, so that she can focus on her, and then when she gets in a better position to take care of dad, THEN go back to it. And during her recovery, that doesn't mean she can't see her father or just neglect him altogether, the outside help is just to take over parts of her time she needs most to focus on her.....and then she can still offer her time with her father, so it's not like she's just gonna give up on him. **** the damn shelters...i would never do that to my parents, they took care of me when they didn't have to, i'll be damned to offer them to some strangers who won't show the love I would. When there is a will there's a way, and that's my way.
2006-10-20 02:44:35 · answer #1 · answered by Dennis 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do think she has some obligation, but she should still have a life for her self, she needs that to keep going on. Her father is not in a position to be giving her too much orders, he needs her. If she thinks it is too much for her to handle, may be his Medicaid insurance, would pay for someone to come 3 days a week, and that is when she needs to go out and do what ever she wants. Why did she have to use all of her money? her father should be giving her something for helping him! Of course she will be blessed for doing this, but even rod iron wears out! tell her to demand some time for her self!
2006-10-20 09:32:30 · answer #2 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell Dr. Laura to take care of friend father then...
2006-10-20 09:30:20 · answer #3 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nice of her to help, but to put her father's health before he own well-being is ludacris. And once all the money is gone, then who will help? Her father is being very selfish to not want anyone else to help his helpless behind. She's giving too much of herself just to see him happy. I agree, Dr. Laura's full of CRAP.
2006-10-20 09:27:07 · answer #4 · answered by lookinforexcitement 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think Dr. Laura is full of crap and that this is not the whole story..... She needs to find help - now and not take any more abuse from her Father. She is in this predicament because she allowed it to happen..
2006-10-20 09:23:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The emphasis is on "moral." In life it is said that "Parents take care of child, then child takes care of parents." I will hope that this is still true, but people have forgotten. It is a moral obligation to take care your parents. Remember what they had to give up to take care of you, and ask yourself, do they deserve any less in returning the favor?
2006-10-20 09:27:23 · answer #6 · answered by DaNewGuy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What dad wants and what dad needs are two different things. Your friend needs outside help, and she should get it. He is playing the "guilt trip" card, and your friend needs to call him on it. It's fine to help dad, but not at the expense of loosing herself.A friend once told me, "you have to take care of yourself first, before you can take care of anyone else". If your friend becomes physically sick, who will take care of dad then? And if she has no outside help, she will be in a sad situation.
2006-10-20 09:30:14 · answer #7 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she is doing the right thing but I also think she has the right to ask for outside help... Whats he going to do? Come on eveyrone needs a break tell her to get outside help and if he doesn't like to bad
2006-10-20 09:24:02 · answer #8 · answered by dumpllin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is your dad. When she was a whining, spoiled little brat who needed her diapers changed, dad was there. When snot ran down her face, dad was there. When she kicked and screamed and made an absolute freak temper in the grocery store, dad was there. Morally, she should stand by her dad and do whatever it takes. So what if her money is almost gone, some day dad will be too, what means more to her? She is just selfish
2006-10-20 09:25:22 · answer #9 · answered by beepbeepwentthecar 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
She should cut and run.Its OK to help out aging parents but they shouldn't be controlling your friends life.
Put him in a home for the elderly or call social service and have him placed.
2006-10-20 09:25:21 · answer #10 · answered by teddybear 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋