We have a three month baby. After having my baby he wanted to get a divorce just because me and his mom didn't get along. Just to make her happy. What an jerk he is. Right now he is in basic training for the Army. In the begining he said he was gonna separate calling time with me and his mom.He had just 2 mins and a half to talk to me. I need him the most. He really dont care about our relationship. I dont think i can handle him like this. He told me he wil not change. He isn't a man, he is afraid to let her go cuz she is a widow, so if he doesn't talk to her then she'll cry her eyes out. We live upstairs from her and when he was here he always had to go down and say good morning or g'nite. What am i suppose to do.No i didn't know he was like this before getting pregnant to him.
2006-10-20 02:12:16 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Military
He's probably not going to change. I hate to say it, but he'll probably cheat on you. He can't do it now, in BCT. However, he'll have every chance when he gets to his permanent duty station. It's a shame he's acting this way. He's going to lose you and his son. I don't think he realizes that one day his mom will be gone, then he'll have nothing left. Especially if he sends you and his son away. Let him do it. Maybe, just maybe, once you get to your station and he's not with his mom, he'll see what he has.
Be strong and support him the best you can. Good luck!!
I suggest that after he gets out of BCT and does his AIT, that you seek help. Once you get to your permanent duty station, you can go see the Chaplain. He can counsel you or refer you to marriage counseling. If after doing this you're positive things won't work, let him divorce you. The military will make sure he supports his son. However, I don't think you should start the divorce procedure.
2006-10-23 11:00:08 · answer #1 · answered by HEartstrinGs 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are going through this and with a newborn baby. If he says he is not going to change. Then the best thing for you is to let him divorce you. The military will make sure you get child support. It will be garnished out of his paycheck each month. Your baby will be taken care of. Your baby will also be a military dependant which means the baby will have medical care (TriCare). Whether your husband wants to see the baby is up to him, but the baby will still be a dependant as long as your husband is in the military. Try not to worry too much. Maybe after Basic your husband will come to his senses and realize he loves you and the baby you have together.
God Bless you and your little one.
2006-10-20 11:20:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh come on people! His mother is a widow who lives down stairs, he checks in on her to say good morning and good night. If he didnt check on his mother you would say he wasnt a good son. I so sympathize with you on the telephone time tho' you do need that time with him. Really try to establish a better relationship with your mother in law its good for your marriage and your child who will benefit from a good relationship with the grandmother. Understand that its her son and she expects some respect from him as you would from your son. I think you are going through a hard time right now. The new baby has you tired and cranky and hes not here!!! So then you start to doubt the relationship but its not that its the loneliness and feeling trapped. Let your mother in law watch the baby and go somewhere with a friend. Get some sunshine. Remember he will only be gone for a while and you are strong enough to get thru this. Dont give up on your marriage until there is nothing left you can do as it is what is best for your child.
2006-10-20 09:28:56 · answer #3 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not fair to make him choose between you and his mom. I'm sure he gets worried about her because she's awidow. And judging form what you said about her crying if he doesnt talk to her, I'm thinking she may be a little bit of an emotional wreck at the moment. you guys should tackle his mom as a TEAM. I'm sure if she told him to choose between the two of you he'd tell her to kiss it too. He loves both of you guys and you both love him. You're having a child with this guy, so this woman is going to be a part of your life forever.. Again, the SAME thing happened to me when I was your age, and now that my son is 6, i've learned that it's alot better to be friends than enemies.. And if you live near her, she could be a really good part of a support system for you. I'm sure she's feeling like you're "stealing her son" and thats why sh'es acting all crazy.. If she knows you're there for her too and you arent doing any such thing, I think you'll find you two can be really good friends.
2006-10-20 09:36:00 · answer #4 · answered by getting large with baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well as married Army person, he is qualified for housing, so you will probably be moving soon anyway when you go to his permanent station. Or you can divorce him, his child will have all the benefits provided a dependent plus he can pay child support. Combine that with getting a job, and you are a free woman. It will never get any better, in fact the more you put up with his BS the more abuse he will throw on you.
2006-10-20 09:19:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was in EXACTLY the same situation! Eventually, I had enough and left him. I ended up in a shelter for 35 days with three kids and nothing else. My mom helped me move into a house, and the kids went back to him until they went out on their own. Now, I have a new boyfriend, my dream job, and everything's three times better than before!
2006-10-20 13:26:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could develope a relationship with her since he is gone. With you depending on her she could watch the baby and you could get out and get a job so your not so lonely. I suggest you make an agreement with him and her saying your the wife now and even though she and him are close that there is 3 in this marriage now. Actually 4 since he has a baby.
2006-10-20 09:18:26 · answer #7 · answered by Carol 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, that boy ain't never gonna change. Dump his butt and let his mama have him. They must have forgotten to cut the umbilical cord when he was born. His mother sounds like one of those domineering women, you can't do anything about it until your man gets a backbone and stands up to her. Tell him the Bible says that a man is suppose to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. Just don't let her try to take over the raising of your little baby. Good luck sweetie!! God Bless.
2006-10-20 11:44:52 · answer #8 · answered by Caleb's Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear this,i understand you need him most but he probly feels bad for his mum her being a widow and i no he should put you first but blokes dont think that way,he obviously loves his mum alot and probly see's it as she raised him and now its his job to be there for her.to be hinest i dont think there is anything you can do,if you try and make him see her less he will start to resent you. i dont think saying to goodnight and good morning is a bad thing.i still ring my mum first thing in the morning and last thing at night and im married with 3 kids! he may be a mummys boy but at least you no he has a soft heart,i no this aint a sollution but i dont think you will be able to change how things are,i think you will just have to exept them.without sounding harsh on his mum but she aint going to be around forever,maybe after she passes you will get the attention you need but trying to get it at the moment may even split you 2 up.just relax and wait,the time will come! good luck
2006-10-20 09:20:22 · answer #9 · answered by sammydeea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you'll have to change your name soon. He was a momma's boy when you married him did you think that was going to change? You knew you just prentended you didn't. Why would you stay married to a child who does not care about you or your baby? Find a lawyer who knows about military divorce and take action.
2006-10-20 13:15:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋