Loosing your mother?

Question

In what ways loosing you mother at an early aafects the child psychologically? Can you pls list them? i lost my mom when i was 10 n i really wanna know that?Does it make u insecure?Do ur relationships with ur boyfriends also suffer?I have been thru all this.

Answer 1

i lost my mother when i was 20 years old...BUT...she had a terminal illness since before i was born, so all my life i believed that she was already gone before i was born...

growing up with her always sick, in and out of hospitals, blaming her illness on my brother and i, took a huge emotional toll on us all...she was very verbally and mentally abusive...growing up thinking because you were born, your mother became ill was alot for a small child to handle...

i am 27 years old now, and it still affects me to this day...but i have tried to move past it now that i am a mother and i try to be the better mother to my son that she was not to our family because of her illness

when i was younger, it affected my relationships alot, i didnt have her to go to and ask advice because she was always sick and i couldnt see her...it did make me insecure and i still am...

Answer 2

My mom's mother died when my mom was 4 years old.
She was very social and popular in school. She was very goal-oriented, and became a teacher.

(But the problem was that her father and stepmother abused her until she was old enough to go to college)

She divorced her husband and fell into the abyss of alcoholism, which caused her to make bad decisions for the rest of her life.
She always remained a deeply feeling, optimistic person. More intense a person than I have ever known in my life. Very 'needy' and independent at the same time. Very complex person.

She never spoke about her past, but her older sisters have told me that her mother was very sick during my mom's life (from birth-4y.o.), and my mom was never cared for by her, or barely anyone else. I see this as one of the main reasons she had problems. Although her mom was alive, my mother wasn't receiving that primal care that she needed to develop emotional trust.

My mom became an alcoholic when I was 10, so in effect, I lost her too in some ways. The life I was subjected to once she lost clarity was what caused me to mess up in my relationships.

In both cases, I see the loss of a mother doesn't cause the problems.....it is the person(s) who fills the void when Mom is gone. The basic essentials of trust and bonding and nurturing have to be filled by someone else if Mom isn't around. If not, the perception of healthy relationships doesn't happen.

Just my opinion. As long as you get into a very caring relationship with a guy, you will be okay. Sorry for your loss. Mine died when I was 37, and it was still devastating.

Answer 3

I'm 42 and my mom died 3 years ago, so i was much older than you. However, when mom dies, it leaves a hole that no one can fill.

Whether your mom was a good mom or a bad mom, you still grieve what you have, or what you could have had with her.

I would recommend reading the book Motherless Daughters.

I lost my dad when I was three, so both of my parents are gone. As far as affecting relationships with boys, I would say it might make you more prone to abandment issues. If you fall in love with someone, it will make it harder for you to let go of them if you need too.

Did you have a good female relative or guardian after your mom's death? Then that person would have given you the support you needed to grow up healthy.

You may want to see a therapist if you have further questions.

Answer 4

I'm sure that it does affect the child psychologically. You would be considered calloused if it didn't. Losing a parent affects individuals in different ways. Be strong and keep her memory close. Let this influence you in a positive way and grow to be who you think she would want you to be. Counseling is great - it doesn't mean you're crazy - it just means that you'll have someone to talk to who can guide you through the emptiness you may be feeling. They can give you professional answers.
I lost my father when I was 14 - I have 5 older siblings - I know that we were all affected differently. I was angry upset and lonely for many many years. I still feel robbed. I'm sure even after 32 years of missing him that counseling might help me too - but it's soo expensive. One of my sisters is mentally ill now - she dwells on the negative. So please don't let it affect you like that. Your mom would want you to be happy and live a prosperous life. Keep her memory in your heart and she will always be with you. It helps to talk and know you are not alone.
God bless you.

Answer 5

it can have those effects, but i think the effects are varied depending on the person, the relationship with thier deceased parent, and the circumstances surrounding the death. it's defintley takes a huge emotional toll. my cousin lost her dad at age 8, and she seeks a father figure in boyfriends, kind of still stuck in the role of a kid (she's 25 now) there can be insecurity, depression, sense of feeling incomplete. it depends on the individual. if you haven't already, i would suggest you speak w/ a counselor and work on some of this. it may really help.

Answer 6

i lost my mother 11 months ago and i still feel the pains all the time i remember her. even as an adult, it hasn't been easy at allwithout her. maybe b/c she was a wonderful mother to me and my siblings. we miss her a lot.
the loss of a mother can really make you insecure if you don't have another person like an aunt to take position in your life. if she's the closest person to you, you may never trust another person in life. you may also not have anyother good r/ship.

Answer 7

Since I was abused by my mother all of my life I would LOVE to lose her. She has no concept of what it is to BE a mother.

Answer 8

ive lost my mother to dementia........... :( im sorry you were abused Illina.